(Almost) Wordless Wednesday 15/2/12…my odd child!

I’m only just scraping in to Wordless Wednesday by a few hours here in Australia and I wasn’t going to post anything today but I just HAVE to share this.

I was heading to bed for an early night and went into the boy’s room to check on them first. I kissed them both and as I pulled up Lucas’ sheets, I noticed a big lump protruding from the bottom of the bed so I felt it but couldn’t work out what it was.  I went and turned on the hallway light to get a better look and had to stifle a laugh when I noticed him sporting an OVEN MITT on his FOOT???

Yup. That’s right. An oven mitt!

It was complete with food stains because it had been thrown in the hallway in front of the laundry (by a lazy me) so he’s obviously seen it on his way to his bedroom and thought: ‘Hmmmm……This big sock is pretty cool, I will put it on!’

What a thoroughly odd child!

But it did give me a giggle

Behind the scenes….The inside story :)

As most of you would have already have worked out….we had an absolutely fantastic trip to America recently.

Our children travelled brilliantly (a lot of thanks goes to the sleeping tablets that my boys already take on a regular basis) and also as a result of the months and months of forward planning that went into our holiday.

But yes, despite all this…there were still some “interesting” moments as is to be expected but I’m stoked to say that they really were rare and very manageable.

The wheels really didn’t fall off until we returned home this week but that’s a whole other blog post!

We were in the States for a total of eighteen days which seems like enough time to cover a lot of ground right?….Well, yeah, but we didn’t.

We know that overloading kids is never a good idea ESPECIALLY when they are on the spectrum! So we spent a lot of days just relaxing in the hotel room or taking it easy doing things like swimming or strolling down boulevards and lanes as the boys stopped and felt every lamp post, concrete square and blade of grass in their endless pursuit of sensory nirvana!

 

And I believe that we reaped the rewards of this in their subsequent remarkable behaviours.

 Sure, I would’ve loved to have spent more time shopping, sightseeing and I REALLY wanted to drive Route 66 but I had to make the decision to be thankful that we were even ABLE to have an overseas holiday with our kids and realise that this was not all about me.  THIS time anyway

We had to make the decision to not sweat the small stuff and allow the children to do things that normally would be jumped on immediately. Stuff that normally drives us spare and makes us crazy!

Like rolling around on the floor under the chairs at the airport….

Hiding under restaurant tables:

Or Climbing….And climbing….

And even more climbing!

And we had to make allowances for the children when they became tired or grumpy as a result of being kept out late the previous night……even if the strain of this still showed on our faces!

And the technicalities?

Well technically  8 years old is too old for a stroller right?!

Well…no.  No it’s not when you have Sensory Processing Disorder and need a place to escape the constant lights, noise and crowds.   You do whatever works when you’re us.

And chewing…..NORMALLY chewing on a hat cord would make me wild but I realised that Disneyland is quite a lot to take in and I had to  let it go…. MAN that was hard for me! I had to let a LOT of things slide and there were times that I had to just close my eyes or look away because it wasn’t worth the fight!

And you know what? I think I may have gained a little bit more tolerance and patience as a result!

But only a little bit mind you….let’s not go crazy now!

~

Yes…..There were a lot of different and unusual happenings while we were away.

But….

A lot of things were exactly the same as if we were back home…..

For example….we still had Lucas on constant sensory seeking missions:

And sometimes I had to help him by doing some O.T. on-the-go

Spinning anyone?

~

Car travel was pretty much the same as it is here:

And my kids still displayed impeccable table manners:

And….there was more climbing:

Thankfully, I’m an amazing mother who keeps up with her children by always staying fit EVEN when I’m on holidays:…..

Ok ok…..

You got me.

I totally lied about that……my choice of footwear kinda gives me away I know!!
But kudos to my Mum for playing along when I asked her to grab her camera and snap me “hard at word” LOL

All in all, it was quite a funny 2 1/2 weeks if you choose to see the amusing amidst the frustrating.

Thankfully, in Vegas you could buy Margaritas on the STREET:

And they were GOOD:

To the very last drop

We had such a wonderful time away……I hope you enjoyed this walk on the lighter side of life

Cheers: 

Fi xxx

Wordless Wednesday 14/9/11…Stacks on Mum!

 

Why traffic lights SUCK!

Lucas has a new ‘thing’. He likes to sing in the car.

But it’s not just any old singing. Oh no…..because that wouldn’t bother me so much.

Regular singing would be cute and bearable and maybe even catchy, but his is the repetitive nonsense type of singing that makes you want to poke yourself in the eye.

Until it bleeds.

Because that would be less painful.

UGH!

And it’s not that he is terribly off-key, in fact – he seems to be the only child of mine that picked up any of my musical abilities but it’s more the type of songs that he chooses to sing that do my head in.

For example: Does anyone remember the Traffic light song by the Monty Python guys?

Well for the uninitiated: here is the worst song you could possibly imagine.

Now try to imagine it being sung to you over and over and over again…..

Do you feel sorry for me yet?

Oh….and a huge thankyou to my lovely husband for showing it to the boys in the first place

Awesome.

Totally Awesome.

Lucas regularly sings this insidious song in the car, but that wasn’t what he chose to sing this morning.

No, this morning’s song was a made up song that stemmed from an episode that we had a few weeks ago where he completely pushed my buttons and got the desired reaction from me and therefore obviously never forgot about it.

It also happened in the car on the way to school one morning.

Harley had whispered to Lucas that it would be funny if he told me that he’d peed his pants. Which was just lovely as you could imagine.

So…. he did and he acted the part so well that I totally took the bait and completely freaked out. I pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car whilst going off my head ranting at him: “Why didn’t you tell me you needed to go?”.

I opened his car door and reached in and put my hand on his legs to check the relative humidity and at that exact moment they both started giggling hysterically saying: “We tricked you Mummy! We were just joking!”

I failed to see the humourous side and they knew it but they couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the way nonetheless.

~~~

So anyway….back to the song.

After I’d dropped the older kids at school this morning, I started to drive Lucas to pre-school. I turned onto the freeway and a little voice from the backseat piped up singing a song to the tune of “The Farmer In The Dell”.

Here’s the tune:

~~~~~

Lucas’ version went like this:

“I think I peed my pants,

I think I peed my pants,

Uh-Oh Mu-u-mmy,

I think I peed my pants”.

Ok….So I laughed at his cleverness the first time and maybe even smiled the second but by the 93^rd time in 15 minutes ….I was ready to commando roll outta that car going at high speeds and make a run for it!

And I’m more than a little suspicious that he had some help coming up with the lyrics for this….Hmmmmmm?

So…what do your kids like to sing in the car and does it drive you completely batty too?

~~~~~

The helpful husband

He walked in the front door shortly after 5pm and I was surprised to say the least. I double checked the time on both the wall clock and my watch to make sure that my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me.  But no, it was definitely happening. My knight in shining armour (ok…a middle aged dude in a shirt and tie) had come home early to help out with the afternoon and early evening routine.

“What do you need me to do first” Mr Patient asked me cautiously.

“You could start by running the boys a bath” I ventured.

“Alrighty then fair maiden” he answered in that adorable but frustrating echolalic way that he does as he headed for the bathroom scooping up one of the giggling boys on his way.

It didn’t take long.

Actually, it was probably only about three minutes before I was summoned. Coming down the hallway in a pitiful tone was a faint but distinct…...”Fiiiiiiiiiiii”

I rolled my eyes and put down the onion I was chopping for dinner and made my way to the scene of the chaos.

“Where is the bubble bath”? He asks innocently.

I reached up on the shelf only centimetres above him and handed it to him and walked back to the kitchen.

Seconds later I heard it again.

“Fiiiiiiiii”

I ignored it this time hoping he would give up.

“Fiiiiiiiii” he calls out much louder.

“What?” I scream back “I’m busy”

“Where is the plug?” he calls out sheepishly.

“In the top drawer – I saw Lucas playing with it earlier so I hid it from him so he didn’t fill the tub up when I wasn’t looking”. I yelled back impatiently and went back to chopping.

I swear it was only a minute later when he bellows out again….”Fiiiiiii” but this time in a much more desperate petition.” I neeeeeeed you”.

I throw the remains of the half chopped zucchini into the pot on the stove and glance at the clock. Only 7 minutes has passed and I have been called on 3 times. The boys are still running half naked around the house and the tension and noise levels are rising rapidly.

“Yes P” I snap angrily with my hands on my hips “What now?”

“Would you please help me catch Lucas so I can bath him. Quick, there he goes…..corner him”.

I grab the offending child, strip the remainder of his clothes off him in one swift motion ignoring the protests and ducking the kicking and hurl him into the water.

“Wow”, he says obviously impressed “How about you bath the boys and I’ll go cook dinner”.

“Fine”  I lift Lucas out and dry him off then send him out to the heater with his pyjamas, singlet and underpants that I’d already laid out for him earlier and clear and precise instructions on how to dress himself.

I grab Harley in much the same fashion and bath and dry him and send him out to his brother so  he can finish getting ready for bed too.

I let the water out of the bathtub and walked back to the kitchen to see how dinner is coming along and I find Mr Patient sitting at the computer, vegetables still on the chopping board where I left them and two completely naked boys playing lets-see-who-can-flick-each-other-the-hardest-with-our-wet-towels giggling hysterically.

“Thanks for coming home early and helping out with the evening madness honey” I call out sarcastically.

“Oh no problem, glad I could help” he answers oblivious to my ire!

“Oh, by the way” I add venomously….“If you ask me why the kids haven’t yet downe any homework – I’ll bloody flatten you!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it love….wouldn’t dare”  he says with a kiss on the cheek.

I shook my head and went back to the veggie chopping and with every slice, dice and chop that those poor vegetables endured I felt my frustration start to evaporate.

THIS is how I cope ;)

My daughter Ella likes to take pictures. She can often be seen jumping out from behind furniture to capture that all important candid shot. Some of them turn out to be fabulous pics but a lot of them are just downright embarrassing!  I must admit that she has captured some fabulous memories though!

Anyway, I was looking through her latest album of randoms and I noticed a bit of a theme with the photographs of me. It is a theme that relates to how I cope.

I decided that it was time to come clean on here but first – I need to give you all some history.

Harley and Lucas are loud.

No, I’ll make it clearer than that… Harley and Lucas are REALLY LOUD!!!!

Harley has major sensitivities to noise and Lucas is like a human foghorn.

Now….you would think that with Harley having such strong aversions to loud noises that he wouldn’t make too much of it himself wouldn’t you? Um…..no, sadly that’s not the case!  He can often be found screaming at the top of his lungs at his siblings, at me, at the toy that just.won’t.do.what.it’s.told and at all of the screens in the house that don’t give him the result he requires.

He also has a loud monotone talking voice and I gotta tell you that the constant noise in this house DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!

I also want to add that after I had brain surgery to remove a tumour 5 years ago and am now 100% deaf in my right ear and as a result – I have become extremely protective of the hearing that I do have left. So the boy’s constant noise can start to get to me a lot sooner than it used to because I have trouble filtering sounds nowadays. I never had a problem with crowds in shopping centres or loud music in other people’s cars at the traffic lights or even general kid noise but over the last few years – I really really can’t take it.

I suppose my stress levels being at a constant high wouldn’t help much either – but back to Ella’s penchant for candid photos…

These next 5 photos that Ella took of me feature me “coping with the noise”…..or not! (And for the record…..the horrible black leggings in most photos are my “house pants”….eeeewww I know!)

⬇THIS⬇ is how I cope

Cooking in silence (look closely at my head)

Vacuuming in silence

Blog reading in Silence

Making beds in silence

Cleaning teeth in silence

And occasionally I drive wearing my trusty headphones because you CAN’T ESCAPE when you’re in a car LOL!

Personally, I LOVE a bit of randomness!

I think I hit the jackpot finding an image of a waffle and a truck together! image via http://www.dribbble.com

Last night at about 10pm, I was sitting down in front of the TV just relaxing when I heard some little footsteps heading towards me. I looked over and saw Harley making a beeline for me. When he was close enough I looked at him and asked him what the matter was.

“I like Sonic” he replied and turned on his heel to head back to bed.

“Hey….wait a minute” I asked him grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. “Did you come all the way out here just to tell me that?”

“Yes”, he nodded.

“Um, I know honey – you’ve liked Sonic for a while now” I replied.

“Yes, but that was when I was seven. Now that I am eight, I need to tell you again for this year” he said with conviction and then turned around and walked back to bed!

I’m used to this kind of randomness from my boy. One of the first instances of this was when he was about 3 years old (about 18 months before he was diagnosed with aspergers). We were at church and it was Easter time. The Sunday school teachers had gotten all the kids up on stage so that the parents could ooh and aah over the cuteness of their cherubs.

The leader had a microphone and asked several children “What does Easter mean to you?” and held it up to most of the children’s mouths to wait for their answer.

There were the predictable answers and some really cute ones too but when the microphone was put in front of Harley and the question was asked – he stared at it with a blank face and replied with just three small words.

 “I-like-trucks”.

Everyone exploded into laughter and I distinctly remember it like it was yesterday. My little boy was wearing an expression that I’ve never ever forgotten and one that I see regularly today. It was a mixture of hurt, confusion and fright.

I don’t think that he realised that his thoughts came out loud. I’m pretty sure that he didn’t understand the question and that all the sensory stimulation was overwhelming him so much that he had retreated into his “happy place”. He was having an obsession with Tonka trucks at the time so it stands to reason that this was what he chose to talk about.

Like I said – I have never forgotten this but it has only been recently that I have understood that this was a prime example of what we now know to be his one-track mind. And what an awesome mind he has!

Someone once told me that men have waffle brains and women have spaghetti brains. I forget where I heard it so I can credit anyone with it, but I really really loved this!

The analogy is meant to mean something along the lines of a man’s brain being compartmentalised and that they are only able to do one thing at a time. The several single squares on a waffle represent the boxes that men file useful information in so that they can access it whenever it’s required. The boxes are all separate and individually maintained.

Work is in one box which is totally separate from the home square. That’s why (some) men find it a little easier to find balance between work and family life and women not so much.

The spaghetti however, represents women’s brains and how hundreds of strands are intertwined and crossed over and how every little thing is connected to each other and that a woman can process and achieve many things at once and that doing just one thing can be the launching pad for many other things to occur at exactly the same time.

It also explains why (some) women are unable to simply shut off the emotions of a tumultuous family life once they reach the office or leave the woes of the working day behind when they come home to their families.

(This is all generalised by the way –I know that there are of course a lot of men and women who are exceptions to these rules;))

And then there’s the autistic brain.

I have heard it compared to a huge chest where everything is just thrown in all together.

And when the owner of this chest is required to access a piece of information or remember a previous event – they are able to find it and they manage very well without help, but because there’s so much to sort through, it can take a lot longer than an NT person to find what they’re searching for.

That’s not to say that it’s not an organised chest. It may have tidy compartments in there and they are probably well labelled, but because things that make their way into that chest aren’t thrown in haphazardly, and are placed very carefully where they are for a reason…Only the owner of that chest can find their way around it with any success.

 

And once again….this by no means applies to ALL people on the spectrum. I am writing about my own son and what I have observed myself).

Often I will ask Harley a question and see his contorted face as he searches for the correct answer. It can take several minutes for the right one to appear but he does usually come up with it in the end.

But…..if I push him and demand a speedy reply – he will usually give me a random statement or an unrelated piece of trivia because he is trying to substitute by using the first thing that his brain has latched on to.

Usually that piece of trivia is somehow related to whatever his special interest topic happens to be at that present time.

Like the comment with the trucks!

And anyway – I personally think it was a fabulous answer because trucks really are pretty cool, he was only stating the obvious. I mean…..all the rest of the children had already given the correct answer. He was just issuing a community announcement that day after all.

I LOVE how wonderfully wired these kids of mine are! They’re simply amazing little creations . And in case you’re wondering – the reason that he walked out to tell me that he still liked Sonic at 10 o’clock at night?

Simple – he was looping on that thought . Apparently I’d asked him a question earlier in the evening about his party invitations and wanted to know what character he would like printed on them but at the time he couldn’t quite find the answer he wanted to give so he couldn’t sleep until he got it out.

Duh Mum!

And remember…..it’s still Sonic in case you were wondering

Losing dread, finding joy

Dread : to feel extreme reluctance to meet or face something.

I used to really dread the school holidays.

The thought of having the kids home every day made me want to hide under my blankets and stay there until they were over and I knew that the possibility of having a peaceful household was all but gone for the duration. Often the constant drama that continually unfolded was usually more than I could take and I would spend the days wishing for school to go back just so I could get a moment’s peace. I regularly locked myself in our walk in wardrobe with my iPod turned up loud JUST to drown the kids out. It was the only way I could cope.

But that was then.

THESE days, I understand the reason behind the tears, the tempers and the general unrest (well…MOST of the time anyway) and can usually take some measures to try to avert them before they occur. I have learned that dread is a very close cousin of fear. I no longer feel afraid and therefore no longer feel the need to sit in the corner in the foetal position rocking and chanting “It will be ok, it will be ok, it’s all going to be ok” until I finally started to believe it.

***

Today was the last day of school for my kids for this term. They are now on holidays for almost 3 weeks and this time – I couldn’t be happier.

20 days of stress-free mornings, 20 days of not having to be anywhere at a particular time and 20 days of semi sleep-ins. (Well – 6:00 am is a sleep in here )

Many people think that children on the autistic spectrum need rock solid routine and while that’s true on some levels – my kids cope ok with only a loose routine provided that they are not rushed or expected to be something that they’re not.

The more “out” activities – the more stress. It’s a simple formula really!

I used to take planning to the tenth degree and schedule holiday activity upon activity thinking that they needed that structure to cope, but in essence – what I was really doing was over scheduling them and kind of replicating school – they very thing that they were supposed to be on holidays from! The expectations that I put on them was causing all of us so much stress that it hardly seemed worth it in the end!

They got so tired from having to be here at a certain time and there at another when all they really wanted to do was to just chill out at home with a DVD and their favourite things surrounding them.I discovered that play dates are great – but not when they turn into another “requirement”.

And now that I know all of that – I can also relax more easily. It turns out that they don’t WANT to be traipsing around parks, bowling alleys and cinemas all the time. They are completely happy to just stay at home and do their own thing. It’s easier, MUCH cheaper and allows them to actually benefit from the break by recharging their batteries and refuelling so that they can cope better with term 3.

My beautiful Mum is arriving next week and both of the boys birthdays AND mine are also coming up so we still have a LOT to do this holidays.  I’m very excited and have just started to see the light at the end of the so-I-guess-I-don’t-get-to-move-to-my-mum’s tunnel.   And that light is in Ella. She has really blossomed this year and her and three other lovely girls have joined forces and created a lovely little group.

image blurred because I won't put other people's children faces on the internet

The group is made up of two 12 years olds & two 11 year olds so it’s a great mix, they all complement each other brilliantly and are as different as they are alike. They all Skype each other EVERY afternoon after school and have already planned 2 sleepovers in the holiday period. It’s ALL they talk about and their excitement is contagious plus it’s making this mothers heart sing after the horrible bullying that my princess has had to endure in past years.

I couldn’t be happier.

And as much pain as I have been in recently as I have witnessed my dream of moving home become less and less achievable – I have found a way to rejoice in the beautiful friendships that my girl is developing and I’m relaxing into the knowledge that she is going to be A-OK as she heads to high school next year.

It’s true that God works in mysterious ways and that His ways are not our own, but I also think that sometimes I need to just pull my head out of the sand long enough to observe the sun shining all around me instead of just noticing the dark shadows that it causes instead.

Happy holidays everyone

Fi xx

Um yes, that’s MY son :)

 This afternoon my kids have made me laugh on so many occasions that I could almost write an entire post just by writing them all down here.

But I won’t. I have the sneaking suspicion that a lot of them were really only funny to me. You know – mother’s love and all that!

But I will say that my joy and delight in them lately has all been about choice. VERY much so.  This afternoon as I sat on the computer on a Skype call to a close friend in the UK – the boys were tearing around the house screaming and laughing like maniacs.

.

I turned around in my seat and bellowed at them “You boys are so bloody noisy, you can be heard in England at the moment!”

My friend and I giggled and Harley gave me a puzzled look. Maybe he thought I was serious?

Anyway, I’d better get this post back on track because there are a number of different tangents this could take if I don’t pull back on the reigns now! I want to write about the parent/teacher interviews that we had last night.

Mr Patient was going to go alone but I didn’t trust him to ask the right questions in the end we decided to go together and take the kids with us.

Well….it seemed like a good idea at the time!

First we headed over to middle school to meet Ella’s teacher.

We waited for our turn and Harley threw himself on the floor in absolute disgust because he was bored and didn’t make a secret of it which I thought was rather funny but Mr Patient wasn’t impressed!
Ella’s teacher is lovely and she got a fantastic term 2 report . One line in her report said : Ella is very accepting, I never hear any negative comments or actions from her…

THIS made me beam with pride because she lives in a household that is very different to those of her peers and it has obviously taught her to be more tolerant.

We explained to him that she lives with a lot of “action” (I think that’s what we called it) and that if she sometimes appears a bit distant or vague – it’s probably because she is dealing with a lot after hours. He smiled and said that students with “action” at home tend to mature quicker out of necessity and I know that this is definitely the case for Ella. She’s my right hand and my helper a lot of the time and I often have to remind myself that she’s only 11 and realise that the boys are not her responsibility.

He asked us how she is coping “socially” which I thought was an odd question for a male teacher to ask but then it clicked that maybe it’s been mentioned to him that I suspect that Ella is a bit spectrummy herself. I’m not sure but if this IS the case, – I’m thrilled! I answered by telling him that the 3 girls that she has recently bonded with have been an absolute God-send for us and that we haven’t experienced any of the bullying from previous years.

All in all – we didn’t need to stay and chat with him for long because Ella got a glowing report and we couldn’t be more proud of her

Next we walked down to junior school to see Harley’s teacher and the entire interview was absolutely hilarious. She told us little happenings from the classroom which made us both roll our eyes because we could picture them all-too-well! Apparently he’s the little class clown. NO surprises there!  Only I don’t think he actually intends to be funny. He just is!

One of the funniest things she told us was about the day that Harley wrote out a story and handed it in and she was unable to read it so she asked him if he could read it to her. She said he looked at it and then back at her and said: ” I can’t read THIS – whoever wrote this is a TERRIBLE writer,How do you expect me to read it?”

When she told him that it was in fact his story, he shook his head and said “I really need to learn to write better don’t I!”

Yep….that’s my boy! Cute as a button but he makes me CRAZY!!!!!

At least things are settling down here now – only 2 more school days until the kids are on holidays for 3 weeks.

Now….where did I put that Valium?

You know you’re the mother of an aspie when:

• Your son can tell you the name of every Nintendo character but doesn’t know the name of the child he sits next to in the classroom and has done for the last 6 months!
• Every conversation somehow ends up being about whatever it is that they’re interested in and you’ve given up trying to steer it elsewhere because you know you can’t possibly win!
• Instead of tripping over matchbox cars strewn all over the living room floor – you have to step cautiously on your tip toes to avoid messing with any of the perfectly lined up cars that he has made by laying them cars end to end in colour groups.
• You need to start every sentence with their name so that they realise that you’re not just speaking pointlessly into the wind.
• You don’t dare serve two new foods on the one night.
• You usually answer invitations with “Let me get back to you” because you never know…..
• You understand the meaning of “we have to leave now” and never question that request.
• Ever.
• You don’t tell your very literal child to “cut it out” unless you’re prepared for something to be ruined with scissors or a knife.
• You’ve learned not to ask open-ended questions like “Tell me about your day”  because you know they will.

Every.last.bit.Starting with the morning toilet stop. (In all its gory detail!)

• You know the meaning of and often drop into conversation words like: Perseveration, Proprioception  and Prosopagnosia
• You are on a first name basis with the centre management at the local shopping centre because your child has absconded so many times.
• You spend every week attending speech therapy, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, social therapy and spend hours on behavioural therapy and cognitive therapy with your child leaving no time for you to attend the psychological therapy that you need due to the possibility of your head exploding.
• And this is why you blog instead. ….This is FREE therapy
• You can’t remember the last time you ate fish (or insert the food of choice) because your child absolutely positively cannot STAND the smell of it in the house!
• Spontaneous outings are taken at your own peril!
• Your baby slept through the night BEFORE their older aspie sibling!
• You already know what’s for dinner for the next 2 weeks and EVERY LAST THING has been written down to avoid potential freak outs!
• You’ve learned that unless you want to know the ABSOLUTE TRUTH – you don’t ask your aspie if your outfit looks ok!

I’m sure there’s a lot more. But I will save them up for another post
Anyone else got anything to add?

BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!!

You know those ladies that stand at the end of the aisles in supermarkets with their little white stands, their aprons, their mini plastic cups and teaspoons and their food samples?

Well…that was me 5 years ago!….Yep! I was a demo dame

I was also a merchandiser and a mystery shopper. I worked for a marketing company so had a different client each week so there was a lot of variety in my job.

I promoted everything from yoghurt to dishwasher tablets to printers to chocolate bars!!

I used to meet several new people every day and it was the absolute perfect job for me. I loved talking to the customers and the other demonstrators and it gave me a real boost being able to enter the adult world even if it was only briefly!

I only ever worked from 10-2 and never on school holidays and it fitted in perfectly with my busy schedule. I worked up until a week before Lucas was born and even heavily pregnant – I LOVED it!

I remember one time when I was about 8 months pregnant, I had a sticky date pudding demo in a supermarket that required me to have a microwave up on my stand and I arrived early to start setting up and waddled over to the freezer section to collect my samples. I turned around and noticed that there was a guy in his early 20s following me.

He stood there and watched me struggle to set up my stand and as I was lifting the microwave BY MYSELF – 8 months pregnant – onto the stand he walked over to me and started to speak.

“Great” I thought….he’s going to offer to help me, so I set the microwave back down again.

I smiled at him and looked at him expectantly and then he said “How long until you’re set up – I’m hungry and those puddings look goooood!”

It hadn’t occurred to him to offer assistance. He was only worried about his stomach!

It’s was so infuriating at the time and I remember almost throwing his pudding at him when I finally got it ready but I quickly forgot about it and got on with the rest of my shift.

For some reason, this memory came back to me last night because I had a very similar incident with my little Harley right after dinner.  

The children had just finished eating and I had started rinsing and stacking their dishes on the sink , wiping down the table and sweeping the floor when Harley comes over to me completely oblivious to the work going on around him and says:

“Mum, it’s time for dessert. Why haven’t you got my dessert? What’s for dessert? Is it ice-cream or is it yoghurt? I think I’d like ice-cream tonight. But can I have both? I can’t decide. MUMMMMMM, Why aren’t you getting my dessert?.We ALWAYS have dessert straight after dinner. I’m HUNGRY! ” and started to get into a real flap.

He then took a breath and stood in front of me with his hands on his hips and an expectant face not knowing why he had made me so angry.

I asked him if he had noticed me clearing and cleaning up and if he thought it was possible for me to get dessert at the same time as doing all of these things and he replied that he didn’t know.  I then told him that he needs to learn a little bit of patience and that he needed to ask more nicely next time and to not just assume that things were going to go his way all the time.

He paused for a moment and then said….“May I have dessert now PLEASE?”

From where he stood – his request was perfectly ok and he couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about.

I looked at him again and said: “In a moment honey, just let me turn the dishwasher on and wipe down the bench, I’ll take care of it soon”

He rolls his eyes at me and muttered: “The things you have to do just to get a bit of sugar around here”.

I was ticked off but I ignored it and chose not to let it penetrate but realised that there is still a lot of social training that is required in that area. And I smarted at the realisation that I would probably have to endure a lot more of these type of situations before he completely “gets” it.

They (whoever they are) say that this is very common in individuals diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. In fact a lot of the diagnostic criteria is obvious in this little scenario.

For example:

1. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behaviour: Demanding what he wanted NOW and not being willing to wait for it, and getting annoyed when it didn’t happen immediately.

2. Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject: Not being able to think about anything other than dessert and going over and over it until it happened.

3. Repetitive behaviors or rituals: His constant chants of : dessert, dessert, dessert, dessert. NOW!

4. Peculiarities in speech and language: Talking out loud about what he was going to be having – asking himself a question and answering it in the same sentence. Repeating his request several times over.

5. Problems with non-verbal communication: Non-verbal communication involves perceiving body language and acting appropriately. He didn’t notice that I was otherwise engaged in cleaning up.

6. Inflexibility or rigid thinking: He couldn’t understand why his needs were not the most important thing in my eyes as well.

7. Fear of changes; sameness in daily routines: He said:  “We ALWAYS” have dessert straight after dinner.

I can now see that Harley was not so much being a pain in the butt as he was just trying to make sense of the whole thing in his head.

Harley was noticeably confused as to why I was annoyed with him and even after I tried to explain it – he still didn’t understand what the big deal was! I guess it’s something that I will have to keep working on with him.

But I have to say that I am thrilled that I am now able to look past my initial annoyance and see that this wasn’t just a case of him being a little brat!

And all day today – I have been wondering about that young man in the supermarket. I have wondered about his short-and-to-the-point speech and his complete lack of awareness to the situation that was obvious to almost everybody else.

I suppose I’ll never know!

One ship – one captain – echolalic style!

Delayed echolalia: –  a phenomenon, commonly seen in autism spectrum disorders, involving the meaningless automatic repetition of overheard words and phrases. It occurs hours, days, or even weeks after the original stimulus.

*****

There’s something to be said for backseat drivers. They can be really irritating. There is nothing worse than someone pointing out every little thing that you do wrong, always knowing a better way to go and never keeping their mouth closed!

Thankfully, Mr Patient NEVER does it to me and I never feel the need to do it to him either because he is a brilliant driver. He drives around the state for a living so has had a LOT of practise!

But sadly, this is not the case with my boys! They can be so frustrating to drive with but they really make me laugh some days!

This afternoon after I’d collected Lucas from pre-school, we were driving to pick Ella up from a dance rehearsal, and from the minute I’d turned off the freeway they both started harassing me.

“Go faster Mum”, “get into the other lane”, “don’t let him in front of you” “why are you still in this lane, you know the exit is coming up” and “MUM – Watch out!!!!!”  

It was so.damn.annoying!

Once I’d turned off the freeway and onto the main road and they seemed to lessen their nagging for a bit so I settled in to enjoy the rest of the trip in relative peace.

But as I neared the turnoff to the dance studio, there was a line of cars up ahead and not wanting to have to sit in it, I decided to take a left turn and go down some back streets to try and avoid it. Right as I turned a corner and moved into the right lane Lucas called out “What are you doing Mum?….This is the wrong way…..We’re lost…..go baaaaaack……”!

I smiled at him in the rearview mirror and said: “It’s ok,  I know what I’m doing. But just remember my boy – there’s only one ship, and one captain”.

“What does that mean Mum?” he asked innocently.

I started to answer him and then Harley cut over the top with: “It means matey, that if you don’t shut up and stop telling Mum how to drive, she will make you scrub the poop decks or throw your sorry ar*e overboard to swim with the fishes”  He also threw in an “Aaarrrrrr” at the end for good measure.

I really shouldn’t have laughed.

But I made a mental note to go through all his DVDs and figure out which one is the culprit for teaching him THIS!

Love me every one day.

I had written a post yesterday afternoon after having a dreadful morning with Lucas.   

It was an absolute shocker of a day! It was meltdown central and SO draining!

I wrote it all out but then I received a phone call from a close friend.

She had some really crappy news and my whole mood just sunk. Everything that I’d just been through seemed really insignificant and tiny compared to her news.

None of it really mattered anymore.

My friend has been given the nickname of “Warrior Princess” amongst us all and it is very fitting!

She is always one of the first to step up and advocate for our kids and puts herself in the front line every time there is a battle going on concerning a child. We all look up to her and she has inspired me to fight until I see results.

She was  the friend that was on the phone to me immediately when she heard about the struggles that Harley was having at school last year and she kept pushing me to be a stronger, louder, more passionate voice for my child.

And I can’t thank her enough for that!

So when I read back over yesterday’s blog post, I realised that it shows a good example of what she has taught me!  I stood up for my child, I didn’t shy away from speaking the truth out and I believe that I would have done her proud!

It is because of this that I have decided that I am going to post yesterday’s post after all.

It’s dedicated to my friend who is in my prayers and who I will be pulling for ALL THE WAY!!!!

Love ya mate!

************************************************************************************************************************************

So today was very interesting! I needed to buy some groceries because our cupboards and the fridge were both looking a bit bare. I knew that I also needed to do a few other little errands so decided to go to a larger shopping centre than I usually do so I could do it all in the one place.

The commotion all started because I usually do the grocery shopping at a little centre that only has a supermarket and a few other small shops like a butcher etc, and I didn’t pre-warn Lucas of this change of plans because he’s not usually the kind of child to react to this kind of change.  But today, he completely lost it in a BIG way!

He screamed and screamed and kicked and attacked me. He was SO LOUD that many people stared , tutted and shook their heads.

I couldn’t carry him because he would go all floppy every time I attempted to pick him up so I had to literally drag him by his collar over to a seat so I could at least hold him tightly and try to calm him.

I had an older man come over and actually said to Lucas: “You’re being a naughty boy for Mummy”…..

I told him that he was NOT being rude but that he is autistic and not coping very well.

He rolled his eyes at me and said: “Oh these stupid fancy names – they’re all excuses,  he’s just a typical naughty boy, they’re all over these days because Mum’s are too soft”

So I raised my voice over Lucas; screams and said: “You sir, are a very rude and outspoken man and I don’t appreciate your opinion being thrust onto me. Especially since you don’t even know what I am dealing with here.”

 

And yes, other people heard me but I SO didn’t care!

 

Another lady came up and started saying: “What’s wrong mate, that’s a big noise for a little fella ” in Lucas’ face as he thrashed and screamed and I smiled politely, told her that he didn’t understand her so she said it LOUDER!

I politely explained that he doesn’t have a hearing problem but that he is autistic and is currently unable to process anything that she is saying..

She walked off  - miffed – without even so much as a goodbye.

Then over to my right, two ladies sat at a coffee shop whispering to each other and staring at us. Then as they were leaving, they walked past us, and then one of them said loudly enough for me to hear:  “Why on earth won’t she just take that child home?” and this time I knew that I had had enough of people judging me and my child.

I stood up, followed her and tapped her on the shoulder and said in my finest sarcastic voice:

 

 “Do you really want to know why I won’t take him home?…..I’ll tell you why. It’s because families with autistic children still have to buy groceries and eat too. Sorry that we are interrupting your morning and inconveniencing you”.  Then I flicked my hair triumphantly and walked back over to my now- moaning little boy.

 

Her face went pale and she shuffled off without even so much as an apology.

I didn’t care.

I simply couldn’t understand how so many people could just watch a mother struggling with her incoherent, thrashing child and see that she is staying calm, stroking his hair, saying “It’s ok sweetheart, it’s ok” over and over again but still think that it’s just a case of a child being a brat?!

The facts were: I had no food in the house, today was my only opportunity to do it and leaving it until another day simply wasn’t an option due to appointments and the like taking up the rest of the week.

I managed to get Lucas into a trolley and started whizzing around the store quickly grabbing the bare essentials and ignored the stares and scrutiny of my fellow shoppers.

I got into the cereal aisle and Lucas turned it up a notch. I caved and lifted him out of the trolley and crouched down beside him on the floor to his level and just hugged him tightly. He buried his head in my shoulder and just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

It was then that a wonderful young Mum with 2 little toddlers in her trolley came over and asked if she could help me in any way. I smiled and thanked her but explained that he is just having a bad day.

She said: “Does he have autism ?”

Surprised I looked at her and said: “YES! But how did you know?”

“Because I watched you wrapping him in your jacket and squeezing him and the fact that you didn’t treat it like a tantrum. Also because my best friend has an autistic child and he flaps and rocks in much the same way as your son is”.

“WOW”. I replied. And then I thanked her profusely for stopping to help and for not judging me. I told her that she is a rarity these days and that I wished more people would just come up and ask me questions rather than just assuming the worst.

Eventually he calmed and I got him into the seat in the trolley with my jacket pulled down firmly over his head playing my iphone.

And then of course someone stopped me and asked“Why are you suffocating your child under there”.

 

“He’s just hiding from rude people,  that’s all” . I answered and kept walking smiling to myself and thinking that I have definitely done the Warrior Princess proud!

***************************************

When we got home that afternoon and Lucas was in a much better frame of mind, he came up to me and said in his fragmented speech;-

“Thankyou Mum for love me always every one day. Always love forever…..you to me, that’s all.”

This was HIS way of saying: “Thank you for loving me even when I’m hard to understand”.

I mel-ted!!!

*****************************************

No rules day.

This weekend, Mr Patient took Ella on a 4wding weekend escape with his work.    Our entire family had the option of going too but the thought of spending two full days in a car with two children who HATE travelling made me shudder!

So the solution was for me to stay home with the boys.

It turned out to be a fantastic decision too. We have had SO much fun together.

When we all arose yesterday morning, I told the boys that it was a “no rules” day. BUT before you all start rolling your eyes and telling me what a fool I was let me explain…..   I am WELL aware of how literal my boys can be so I made sure that I emphasised that house rules STILL applied. ie: No hitting, punching, kicking or name calling and that when Mummy asks you to do something – you still need to do it!

The “no rules” part referred to the fact that there were no set in stone rules over what they were allowed to play with and for how long.

They chose Lego and baking of all things - I had to stop myself from reacting every time that I looked out and saw the Lego strewn from one end of the living room to the other but it was wonderful to see them having so much fun!

Anyone who knows me would know how hard it was for me to see this!!!

They created a lot of new and exciting Lego spaceships and I got an awesome video of Harley talking me through the way that his mega ship worked. Unfortunately, his real name and Lucas’  real name are all through the video so I  can’t put it on here but there was one  part where I asked him what his craft  was called and he said:

“I don’t know but I’m going to build it  one day when I grow up”….“PROUD  MUM MOMENT ALERT!

But here is a photo of him with his creation instead

Check out the pride on his face!

And Lucas with his duplo spaceship!

After lunch, we headed into the kitchen  and made some white chocolate  biscuits. (cookies for all my Northern Hemisphere friends).

The boys were so excited to be helping  me in the kitchen. I’m ashamed to say that I don’t allow them to as often as I probably should because I HATE the mess that they make, but because I’d promised “no rules day” I had to let them have a go!

Harley can't resist the urge to play in the spilt sugar

This is serious work!

The best part!

 I just love the concentration on their faces as they measure and stir the ingredients!

That night, Harley asked me if Lucas could sleep in his room for a “slumber party” and he helped me move the folding bed into his room and make it up for Lucas.

They were SO excited and begged me to join them too!

I made us all some hot chocolates with marshmallows and we ate our biscuits in bed and they giggled because normally, this kind of thing is a big no-no and they felt SO NAUGHTY!!!! It was divine to see their delighted little faces at something that really is such a little thing!

We laid on the bed together taking silly photos on my phone and I stayed until they fell asleep before creeping out again.

   

Later on, I snuck back in to take these photos of my little sleeping babies with their teddy and puppy snuggle toys and vowed that we absolutely HAVE to do this again.

I desperately wanted my boys to remember this weekend and how much their mother loves them. I want them to realise that they are perfect just as they are and that I would move mountains for them. I know it’s been rough on them lately with my emotional turmoil being so tangible  so it’s moments like these that overshadow the difficult days and make them so much easier to endure when they do come.

It’s just a shame that life can’t always be this sweet.

Angry birds and Happy Children.

Wow!

What a weekend!  

You might remember me writing a few weeks ago about a difficult decision that Mr Patient and I had to make regarding our decision to not attend a close friend’s wedding together as a family of 5.

The basic gist of that post was that we felt that it was too much for the boys to handle so Ella and I flew up together Saturday morning for a girls weekend and Mr Patient stayed home with the boys so that we could avoid possible meltdowns and sensory overload.

This turned out to be a MAGNIFICENT decision I must say!  

Mr Patient had an absolute ball with the boys. They toasted marshmallows on the gas stove top, they watched “Mega Mind” on the big screen tv and he took them shopping and bought them both a plush angry birds toy each.  (Who says bribery doesn’t work!)

He tells me that they spent HOURS throwing them at the stuffed pig perched on top of a laundry basket over and over and over again amidst fits of giggles!

Meanwhile Ella and I spent some really wonderful (and much-needed) mother-daughter quality time together and I honestly didn’t realise how much we desperately needed this until we actually did it.

~

This child puts up with a helluva lot from those brothers of hers.

I’ll go back to Friday night now to set the scene for Ella’s complete turnaround of her emotional state.

I’d had an extremely difficult afternoon with Harley. He was in one of his particularly cantankerous, irrational and brain frazzling moods. NOTHING calmed him, he stomped around, punching all of us and walls and furniture and screaming at anyone who dared to go near him.

(In hindsight I can see that it was probably him not coping with the fast approaching weekend changes) but still – it was very trying on all of us.

I walked up to my bedroom at the other end of the house and found Ella sitting on our window seat with her head in her hands sobbing. I went over and wrapped my arms around her and asked her what was upsetting her.  She said that she was sick of all the yelling. My heart sunk as I realised that me yelling at the boys all afternoon had taken it’s toll on her and I told her how sorry I was.

She replied that she wasn’t upset with me, but that she hated that I got pushed to the point of cracking every single day. She said she understood why I yelled so much because the boys are just so full on and that she wished she could make my life easier.

I honestly hadn’t realised that this all affected her THIS much… and my heart broke for her.

So this weekend was very healing for both of us.

The wedding was absolutely amazing! The bride was stunningly gorgeous, the ceremony in the park was just beautiful and I had such a ball at the reception!

I got to catch up with a lot of friends and had such a brilliantly fantastic time…..SO much fun!

I sat through the ceremony in complete peace but every so often, I would find myself thinking about how different it would have been if the boys were there. 

I tried not to but I couldn’t help my mind from wandering.

The ceremony was in a beautiful park and you couldn’t have asked for a nicer day.  Here we are only days away from winter and we were wearing strapped dresses and trying to shade ourselves from the heat!

About 200 metres away from where the ceremony was held – there was a playground. I could imagine that if the boys were there – we would have had a helluva time keeping them away from that but Ella just sat calmly in her seat enjoying the proceedings.

The reception was in a hall about 30 minutes drive out-of-town. A real bush setting and it was AWESOME!

Mum and I watched Ella dance around the hall having the absolute time of her life! Mum commented on how wonderful it was to see her so carefree and happy and I couldn’t agree more.

There were no tense parents to contend with, no annoying little brothers and no expectations on her to “take the high road”.

But as I sat in that hall smiling from ear to ear, I found myself thinking again about the sensory nightmare that it would have been for my boys.

The chatter of a hundred happy people, the clanging of the dishes and glasses, the smells of the cooking dinners, the bright lights and the constantly swaying balloons on the centrepieces would have all been enough to possibly push Harley into a sensory overload explosion!

The speeches were very entertaining, heartfelt and just the right length but even so – Harley would have been stretched to his limit having to sit still for that long.

Ella had so much fun out on the verandah with her cousins snorting helium from the balloons and playing with them all night. The girls get on so fabulously and I couldn’t stop smiling as I watched her so blissfully happy.

She felt very grown up as she tried her very first cup of sweet tea and declared that she is now addicted to it!

We were amongst the last people to leave that night and Ella didn’t get to bed until almost midnight (she was wide awake thanks to the caffeine in the tea!)

The next morning, we said goodbye to my sister and her family and Mum, Ella and I headed into town for a coffee and some lunch before our 1pm flight back to the city. 

It’s no secret that I would desperately love to move back home. Not only is my Mum there, but so is my best friend and also a lot of other friends too. The lifestyle is a much slower pace and I find peace when I’m surrounded by family and friends.

We cherished our time together and it was so hard to say goodbye again.

The final boarding call was made and as Mum hugged us, I found myself sobbing into her shoulder, clinging to her fighting the urge to run back to her car and refuse to board the plane home.

I desperately wanted to stay and the thought of going back to the chaos that is my life made me physically nauseous.

Don’t get me wrong…..I love my boys and I couldn’t wait to see them again, but to experience how other people live if only for a weekend was simply amazing.

To see my daughter flourish and relax was awesome and to be able to enjoy myself without having to always be one step ahead, predict the unpredictable and avoid the unavoidable was out-of-this-world.

If nothing else….Mr Patient and I have agreed that Ella and I need to get away together more often. He saw how much this meant to both of us, and I am going to look forward to our next escape.

Not sure when that will be – but at least I have something to look forward to.

Now…..back to life as I know it….

*sigh*

Already?

I knew it was close but, It probably would have passed without me even realising it. 

I hadn’t written it down in my calendar and surprisingly, wordpress doesn’t alert you to the fact either. But this morning, I received a text message from my BFF saying “Happy blog birthday”  and I thought ‘Wow….really?’ 

So it’s been a full 12 months since I started rattling on about every thought that enters my head!

I occasionally look at the numbers and it never fails to fascinate me that a boring old housewife from Australia has managed to write 415 posts over the course of a year!

Well….416 if you count this one!

One of the things that has worried me over the course of writing this blog is that my penchant for being brutally honest would drive people away but in fact, I have found quite the opposite!

I have had many comments and personal emails thanking me for laying it all on the line and telling it as it is. People tell me that my honesty makes them feel like they are not alone and not the only parent to feel helpless and out of their depths.

I don’t do this for any other reason than because it’s the only way I know how to be.

I don’t do fake.

I can’t write happy posts when I’m in the pits of despair.

I am NOT always able to see the silver lining and I don’t pretend that autism is all happy sailing.

I was concerned that my heart-on-the-line style of writing was harsh and too confronting.

I have considered throwing in the towel and quitting blogging altogether on countless occasions this year, but it turns out that this is exactly how a lot of other autism parents live as well.

I now know that for all of the glass half-full writers out there,  there are also a lot of us who frequently tread water trying desperately to stay afloat.

But to be fair- I do have days where I find myself jumping for joy on the mountain tops to celebrate what would seem like a small achievement to those who aren’t in the know!

Over the past 12 months of blogging, I have met many wonderful people online and have had a lot of people that I know in real life approach me and tell me that they never realised just how much families with autism go through.

And if this last year has only brought awareness to only a handful of people, than that’s a good start as far as I’m concerned. I realise that I only cater to a handful of readers out there but I will continue to blog throughout my happy days, sad days and everything in between for as long as I need to.

So thank you to all my faithful followers. Your comments and input and support have touched me in ways that I could never fully explain.

The amazing train journey!

OK , I’m ready to write about one of the most awkward/amazing/un-imaginable days I have had for a long long time!  

image from railpage.com.au

For those who don’t know what I’m rattling on about….let me give some brief history here.

Sunday – Mr Patient drove the children and me up to my mum’s for the Easter school holiday break and had booked a flight to come home that evening so he’d be back home in time for work the next morning.

It was a very kind offer to drive us as he knows how hard it can be to drive that far alone. So you can imagine his annoyance when he logged onto the computer to confirm his flight and realised that he had actually booked it for the day before by mistake!!!

After a few frantic phone calls to the airline, he soon discovered that there were no free seats on a flight for that evening OR for the next morning, the only possible alternative was to turn around and drive all the way back home almost immediately.

Mum and I were concerned about him doing this alone as he was obviously tired from the long drive we’d  just had so made an on-the-spot decision that I would go with him to share the driving and she would mind the children overnight at her house.

We went and booked me a train ticket for the next morning then set off on our way.

And I do need to add how very proud I am of my children that they coped so brilliantly with such a huge and sudden change of plans thrust upon them!

So…fast forward to Monday morning……

I am wandering around alone and slightly lost at Sydney’s Central railway station…..(this place is HUGE and overwhelming) and I spot a familiar face. It was Miss K. She was my English teacher in high school and was known for scaring the pants off her students with phrases such as: “I am neither your friend nor your acquaintance. I am your teacher……do NOT cross that line”

Before I could stop myself, I find myself (obviously delusional with relief at finding someone I recognised), call out “Miss K, It’s Fiona!….Fiona S  from *** High school!”

Her face lit up and she greeted me like a long lost cousin and invited me to join her for breakfast. How could I refuse? It was clear that I was lost and also that we were both catching the same train to my home town.

She asked me to call her by her Christian name but there was NO WAY that I could bring myself to do that!

So over toast and tea we chatted and reminisced. She asked to see photos of my children (which of course I happily obliged) and I received my FIRST grammar lesson of the day!

She commented that the children all had lovely shiny hair and that they weren’t as dark as I am. I said:  “Yes, they are all mousy”.

She tutted me and said:  “One must NEVER reply to a compliment with an insult”.

My face must have given my confusion away because she followed with : “Mousy’ my dear, is how one would describe the drab personality and character of an individual that one no longer wishes to associate themselves with”.

“Err no”, I replied….. “I just meant that their hair is lighter than mine but not really blonde either”!

We filled in about half an hour chatting and noticed that it was time to head towards the platform to board the train. I excused myself to go to the bathroom wishing her well and safe travels.

I had just entered a stall and hung my handbag on the hook when I hear “Fiona…Oh Fiona my dear…..Our train is leaving from a different platform than we originally thought. I shall wait here for you and guide you to the correct one.”

Oh-kay!  I was glad no-one could see my face!

I walked with her over to the correct platform and she asked me what carriage I was in. I looked at my ticket and told her “D”.

“Oh , how lovely”! She replied.  “As am I”!

It was a mostly empty carriage so she asked me to sit in the seat across from her so we could continue chatting and I did until a few towns later  when a couple arrived and I was in their seat.She offered me the one RIGHT NEXT TO HER! So I felt it would be rude to say no so there I sat for the rest of the journey!

At this stage, I had already mentioned to her that 2 of my children were on the autistic spectrum and had explained how life with aspergers looked through my eyes. But over the following  4 or 5 hours – I was able to explain in great depth how diverse it really can be from individual to individual.

The Country Link staff member who checked our tickets and walked through the carriages from time to time taking our rubbish and attending to us was wearing a blue ribbon on his vest, so naturally I asked him what it was in support of and was disappointed to learn that it was in fact only for the recent Victorian flood victims.

I had intended to inform him that it was also autism awareness month but before I could open my mouth – Miss K was saying very matter-of-a-factly : “Young man, are you not aware that April is autism awareness month. This young lady here is the mother of 2 children with autism. Maybe your ribbon should be for BOTH of these worthy causes”.

My mouth dropped to the floor!

I was starting to see another side of this wonderful lady!

We continued chatting about her travels overseas since she retired a few years ago and her history knowledge was remarkable! She could tell me a fact about every small town that the train rolled through!  She cheekily told me which of my past teachers she suspected had aspergers and informed me of who was still teaching, who had retired, who had died and who she wishes had!

The conversation flowed beautifully until she asked me what I did in my spare time.

Of course I gave my usual answer of: “Spare time? What’s THAT?” to which she tutted again and rephrased the question to ask me what I enjoyed doing. What brought me the most pleasure in life and what would I most like to do if ever I had more free time.

I didn’t have to think about it because I’ve realised lately that I really, really love writing.

Not necessarily blogging, but I have a couple of notebooks and journals that I jot down my thoughts and poetry into. These are my safe places. The places that I can write whatever i want. Whenever I like.

None of it is open to public scrutiny and none of it has to be grammatically or punctually correct. I write it for me and me only.

She asked me if I’d ever had anything published. I told her no.

But then I remembered that I contributed to a new just released book called ” The Autism Experience”.

You can click on the book image on the top right of this page to order your own copy if you haven’t already.

This wonderful book is the brainchild of my friend Valerie Foley who compiled and edited and marketed this book brilliantly! It is full of parent’s stories from all over the world and how they live their lives with autism as a part of it.

You can also visit Valerie’s amazing blog Jump on the rollercoaster but make sure you promise to come back here afterwards. I’m not a professional writer like she is!…….and of course Miss K asked me how I became involved with this.

So I had to tell her about my blog.

I said it quickly hoping she’d not pry and I was even smart enough to get out my iPad and show her tha
t I was unable to connect to a wireless connection so therefore couldn’t open my blog.

 But she was smarter and more switched on than I had given her credit for!

“Why don’t you show me on your iPhone dear…..I saw you fiddling with your emails earlier so you must be able to access the internet through that!”

Then she winked at me and I knew I was beaten.

After much fiddling and sweating, stressing and panicking, I finally settled on *this* post.

It was one of the first posts that I ever wrote and it is specifically about my son Harley and how autism looks on him.

As she read it, I could feel my heart throbbing, my hands sweating and my mouth drying up. As much as I told myself that her opinion didn’t matter to me- I knew deep down that really…it  did.

She finished reading and turned to me and said: “Wow, that was beautifully written. You know your child so well.”

Finally I exhaled.

She then completely surprised me by adding….: “You know what Fi (and I nearly collapsed after hearing her shorten my name!)…..“If I had have been shown something like this when I was teaching, it would  have made me a better teacher!”

And with that…..we sat side by side like old friends smiling as the train continued its gentle clickety clack, rocking motions until we eventually rolled into town.

She spotted my children waiting on the platform before I did. I helped her disembark from the train and I turned around after hugging my kids only to see her red cape-style jacket disappearing into the crowd Mary Poppins style!

I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, but I really hope we do

 

Never sick….

I’m all outta words. (Rare I know!)

So instead of trying to make up some pointless dribble to fill a page….I’ve decided to share three photos of Harley as a baby building up his immunity!

And yes. He still eats dirt.

And sometimes soap, he sucks his fingers, and his arms, and licks inedible things, AND people, AND furniture *rolls eyes*

Sensory issues anyone?  :lol:

The Cotton Candy Jelly Bean

Ok. Who needs a laugh?  It’s at MY expense!

Any takers?

Yes?!

Righte-o, here goes…..

My husband and I lease our vehicles and they get replaced every 10,000 kms and we don’t actually own a vehicle that we can call “ours”. Because of all the driving that Mr Patient does for his job, he covers so many kilometres that he usually swaps cars every 2-3 months but for me , it’s more like 12-18 months.

Previously, I had a gold x-trail and I LOVED it!

The kids dubbed it “Goldilocks” which was a cute name

It was the perfect size for the kids and beautiful to drive and not too shabby to be seen in either!  But the kms were close to reaching the limit a few weeks ago, so it was time to get a new one.

Now we are saving money at the moment for a trip later on in the year so Mr Patient figured that a good way to save some money instantly was to lease me a smaller (think TINIER) car. Ok…..I can deal with that

But then I was delivered THIS!

HOW EMBARRASSING!

I looked at my husband and he was bent in half laughing himself stupid!

Harley took one look at it and said: “I’m not getting in a pink car, no way, not gonna happen” with the dramatic ‘talk to the hand’ gesture to go with it!

Ella said: “Daaaaaaaad! I can’t go to school in THAT!”

But Lucas ran over to it and jumped up and down excitedly!

Ella said that it looks like one of those jelly belly beans. The cotton candy flavour to be exact! So she named the car “Candy” for short.

And to add insult to injury……not only do I have this car for the next 12-18 months, the number plate has the initials of a very vulgar slang Australian word.

And no. I’m not going to tell you what it is!

But it does have one redeeming quality: It is dead easy to park – it would fit on a postage stamp!

The Cheapskate Mother!

Well….My Mum left about lunch time today

Harley cried at school this morning knowing that he wouldn’t be seeing her this afternoon and Lucas was miserable as well. All 3 kids were fighting and just generally being difficult on the way to school and it didn’t occur to us until later that they were just sad about Grandma leaving.

I even “punished” Ella for being a smart mouth to me in the car by making her hold my hand as I walked her into middle school and made her hug and kiss me goodbye in front of all her friends!

( HOW EMBARRASSING! I know….What a mean mother! But  - it worked,  She was super nice to me this afternoon!

***

It’s been a tough afternoon with all of us moping around the house dragging our feet and lacking in motivation!

See.....I told you it was only 10 bucks!

It’s time like this that it really sucks that she doesn’t live closer  :( But we did have a very enjoyable morning together all the same.

I have always been a fan of “cheap entertainment”.

No. Not that kind!

But the kiddy kind

Mum and I went to a local second hand bookstore and they were selling children’s books for only $5 a crate! So we bought two and ended up with 124 books in total!

All 124 of them!

AWESOME!

Now I just need to hide them from Mr Patient until I have a chance to ease him into it gently! LOL

Last week I went through all of their bookshelves and removed the ones that they no longer read & gave them to charity but after today..I think our local second hand book store will  be receiving a lot more of our unwanted books!

There were Ben 10 books, Thomas the Tank Engine books, Aircraft books, Dinosaur books, Space books, Atlases, Kid’s dictionaries and lots lots more!

I divided them into the age appropriate groups for the kids and into their own individual box and as you can see: They were in HEAVEN!

And yesterday, the boys amused themselves by making robots out of our recycling!  

And yes…..they did empty the recycling bin ALL OVER THE FLOOR!

But look how happy they are!

Who needs expensive toys eh?

THIS mother makes her kids play with the garbage instead!  :lol:

LOVE IT!….

Oh, and now that Mum’s gone…..Expect LOTS more blogs from me. I have much to tell