Where to draw the line….

 I have been having a lot of conversations with myself lately to the tune of whereabouts to draw that line?

And the line I’m talking about is the one between sharing too much online and sharing just enough. And to do this all whilst still maintaining my integrity and that of my family. It’s a tricky concept for me because I’m naturally a very open person and I’ve really had to allow God to guide me in this area.

My natural instinct is to blurt out exactly what’s on my mind and then go back and mend fences later. Sounds ridiculous I know but I have only in recent years been able to recognise that split second moment between using wisdom and having a verbal diarrhea moment!

I am a lot wiser nowadays but apart from using my children’s real names and our exact location, I do try to share anything that may be helpful to another family if only to show them that they are not alone.

Because here’s the thing: When I first started out on this journey…..I had no-one to tell me what was ‘normal’ in ASD world or what to expect in the coming days, months and years and really honestly felt like I wasn’t going to make it. So I started googling and searching and finding other blogs, and realising that we weren’t the only parents ready to tear their hair out frequently.

And we weren’t the only parents who have forgotten what’s it’s like to sleep uninterrupted through the night and we certainly aren’t the only parents who would give anything for their child to just make a damn friend!

But imagine if everyone who had written these blogs had decided that they weren’t going to tell it like it really is? Imagine if they only wrote what they thought would make people comfortable and that which paints a picture of the perfect family all sailing along beautifully. Imagine if they had drawn their line a lot closer to “need to know” and far away from their honest realities.

Wouldn’t I feel like total crap then?!

It’s through relating to another person’s experiences and THEN seeing them come out the other side that we are encouraged.

I rejoice with my bloggy friends when they experience a breakthrough but I also cry with them when they are in the midst of hard times. It’s that balance of difficulties and progress that keeps drawing me back to my friend’s blogs time and time again. Because I can relate.

I was involved in an incident at my children’s school on Friday afternoon where another flustered mother watched as my child completely and entirely lost it and nastily told me that “All kids have days like that occasionally, you autism mum’s think you own bad days ”.

And she’s absolutely right! ALL kids have days like that it’s true. But where she got it completely wrong was assuming that we think that we own bad days.

We don’t think that we deserve your pity or sympathy any more than any other parent, but we do have more experience in dealing with these types of situations simply because we deal with them a lot more often.

Buy what I actually think is that whether you’re parenting 1 child or 7 children, whether you have boys, girls, typically developing or children with special needs – it doesn’t matter….parenting is rough!

But her comment to me was said in a derogatory tone that really threw me so I didn’t respond to her at all but walked away and came home and picked it apart in my head for hours.

I wondered if she is hurting herself as a mother and feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated? I wondered if she wanted someone to reach out to her and she didn’t know how to ask for help so she just launched into attack mode? It may have been the only thing that occurred to her at the time?

Either way – I’ve had enough time to process this now and try to see the situation from her shoes and I’ve got to say – it all looks very different now to how it did on Friday.

~~~

As of yesterday, my Wonderfully Wired Facebook Page reached 159 likes. which absolutely blew me away. I searched through the list and found that out of that 159, I only know 26 of them personally as friends and only 7 of them are family.

That means that 126 people are also travelling down a parallel road to us and understand exactly what it is like to live in this house. That’s 126 people that can relate to our ups and downs and that’s really REALLY humbling for me!

But this train of thought brings me back to the mother in the playground on Friday.

You see – I’ve been on Facebook (partly why I quit for now), I’ve mixed in mother’s groups and I’ve stood around and observed body language and facial expressions on groups of mothers as they interact with each other. And frankly – It’s all a big competition.

Not many women will ever dare to show their true colours to their friends. It is an unspoken rule that to show weakness is unacceptable and puts a target on your head.

I learned a new phrase by Pastor Steven Furtick at our bible study this week that has REALLY helped me to understand this concept better and has challenged me in a really good way!

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel”

 

And that is EXACTLY why I will continue to write about our life as it really is.

Have a great weekend all xx

What’s for dinner Muuuuuuum? Argh!

In keeping with my promise to myself, I’ve just written the first of hopefully MANY posts that aren’t specifically about autism for this year. I’m finding ‘me’ and who I am and what I like.

This is the #yearoftheoxygenmask after all

So…..

~

There are four questions that I absolutely HATE in this house.

1. How much longer?

2. Do I have to do my homework?

and

3. What’s for dinner?

(Well, actually – this is a family blog so the fourth question that I hate will have to be left to your imaginations)

My answers to the top two questions are usually along the lines of:

1. “As long as a piece of string” (or never if you keep nagging me)

2. “Absolutely” “Hell yeah” or a sarcastic “No, We’ll just hand in a blank book” (which incidentally is NOT a good idea when you have extremely literal aspies!)

But for the third question, I usually fumble with my words and um and ah because I’m not known for being very organised in the whole cooking department. It is partly because I see it as a grand waste of time because my minions refuse to eat almost everything that I cook (therefore making me feel like a pile of manure) and it completely sucks having to think of something new to cook EVERY night knowing full well that it will probably be rejected anyway.

But  hoorah! Now I have a plan.

~

OK….

(For those that know me…..don’t fall off your seats in shock- I know that creativity is not my strong point) but when I saw something like this on Pinterest a while ago – I have had it stored in my memory bank ever since and have been determined to try and make one when I got a spare moment.

So I found a small snippet of time (when I was able to hide from the kids and their incessant demands for me to entertain them, feed them garbage or sort out their latest squabble) and I made it and I’m super proud of how it turned out!

I struggle every single day to try and think of what on earth to cook at mealtimes as I have such fussy eaters in my family. There are a few tried and tested recipes that they don’t necessarliy actually eat ALL of but there are elements of every dish that they will have.

And lookie here 

I ACTUALLY made this!!!! (shock, horror, gasp!)

The idea is that every Monday, Ella gets to pick a meal, every Tuesday Harley does, Wednesdays Lucas does then the same order on Thursday, Friday and Sunday nights.  Mr Patient and I get to chose a special meal for just us for Saturday nights and tonight he cooked me Cajun blackened Chicken with pineapple and shallot rice.

Yup...he's a keeper!

The kids have to choose from the pile of meal cards that I have made up and because they get some say in what we will be eating….they actually enjoy it!  And the best part is that being visual learners – they can see at a glance what is for dinner so they can QUIT ASKING ME!

It’s a complete win/win don’t ya think?

Oh …. and another bonus? My grocery bill came down by $50 this week because I only bought the things that were on this week’s meal plan. Seems I’ve been buying a lot that I didn’t really need all this time! Ooops!

***

My ten favourite things and why….

I just want to start out by saying that this post is called my ten favourite “things” NOT people!!

That’s why there aren’t any pictures of my family and friends

None of these items cost a lot of money but each and every one of them has a sentimental reason behind it becoming a favourite.

1.  I love , love LOVE my wedding rings.    

They weren’t particularly expensive, they were bought on a whim. Mr Patient and I literally walked into a jewellery store 5 minutes before closing time and I knew exactly what I wanted:

3 stones – I didn’t care if they were diamonds or not but it had to be 3. They were to represent the tie of three cords that cannot be broken – God, Mr Patient and me.

We had a neighbour across the road who was a jewellery maker and designer so we got her to design the 2 wedding bands on either side.

They were plain when we got married but after the birth of our first child Ella, we got them engraved in a filagree pattern and 2 more small diamonds to each band. The man who did this used a microscope and a teeny tiny laser and is the only person (at that stage) who used that technique in Australia so they are 100% one-of-a-kind.

(It helps to know people )

2. My glorious red handbag  

Isn’t it just divine!

Red is my favourite colour in the whole wide world. It’s the colour of passion, of love, of fire and of FAST!

My uber trendy sister gave it to me for Christmas one year and I love it so much that I’m afraid to use it too often in case I damage those magnificent ruffles!

Of course I had to go and buy shoes to match!

Two pairs – no less!

3. Mother’s love  frame:    

If you can’t read the writing it says: A Mother’s love is a gift that lasts a lifetime.

I LOVE that. I know it’s true for myself and also because my own mother is mag-nif-i-cent!!!

This frame is so “UN-ME” that it *IS*  me if that makes sense….No? Well, I mean that…..I’m usually not a fan of tacky or ornaments or dust collectors in general.  But this little beauty was in an op-shop (thrift store) for only 50 cents and the adorable little paper roses and the cute little glass box frame as well (as the writing of course) just screamed “gorgeous” to me….

4. My Grandmother’s rings      

These are special because they are rings from BOTH of my grandmothers.

The plain wedding band on the bottom was my Dad’s mothers wedding ring and the other ring belonged to my mother’s mother. It was (I believe) her own engagement ring.

It’s interesting to me how fashions have changed and how they come and go. Back in their generation, thin bands were what everyone had – probably because of the war and the depression affecting cash flow.

But when I got married in 1998, thicker bands were in. Nowadays, I’ve noticed a lot of Solitaires and thinner bands on 20 something year old girls fingers.

5. Outdoor tea light holder

My Mum gave me this a couple of years ago as a gift and I fell in love with it. I think it only came from Target or somewhere but like I said- sentimental reasons far exceed money values to me.

It is supposed to hang out on your porch or sit on your outdoor table but I love it so much I want it to stay in pristine condition. It currently resides in my bookcase in the study. I love how it stands out so well against the dark timber bookcase.

6. My heart locket    

My parent’s gave me this for my 21st birthday.

I wear it almost every day which explains the dent in the front of it!  It was around my neck on my wedding day and used to contain a picture of myself and Mr Patient taken on our honeymoon though that picture has long been destroyed by wearing the locket in the shower too often!

7. Personal Scrapbook and cards

My best friend Hannah made me this 25 page scrapbook for my 31st birthday.

She has a LOT of photos of me too (good AND bad) since we’ve known each other since she was 3 months old and I was a newborn! Our parents were friends before we were all born and we grew up like siblings. The five of us had a lot of laughs and tears through the years and they are part of the reason that I believe I may have had one of the best childhood’s EVER!

Hannah sends me a card (sometimes 2 ) EVERY . SINGLE . WEEK!  This card on the left in the photo is one I have on display in my home.

Even though she lives 6 hours drive away from me, the friendship has never soured or eased off.

I love her!

8. My daughter’s butterfly canvas  

My sister painted this canvas for Ella’s room a few years back.

It is exactly the same as her quilt cover. I posted  my sister the pillowcase so she could match the colours and she presented Ella with this amazing piece of art for her room.

My sister also designed Ella’s room – the colour scheme, the furniture arrangement  - she is a graphic designer and (can I just say) that she is one of the most talented artists that I know!

9. My Tatty lamp    

This was another find at an op-shop.  I got it for a bargain basement $10!

The dark timber base with the cream knife pleated shade looks wonderful against our newly painted neutral walls and it sits proudly (and magnificently) on our phone table next to the gorgeous dark timber pen and paper holder that I also picked up on a different op-shop spree!

10. Lead Light Dove  

This beautiful dove was given to me many years ago by my grandmother. I have kept it as I love the colours in it and I also love what it represents.

It represents peace.

I used to have it hanging on my window but have had it wrapped in tissue paper the past few years in fear of it smashing to the ground.

But………….as I was photographing this today, I took it outside to get better light for a photo and……I did the unthinkable…….I dropped it on the concrete and broke it *sigh*.

I held it up to the light to get a better shot and I even cut my finger…… and the rest (as they say)…..is history.