Behind the scenes….The inside story :)

As most of you would have already have worked out….we had an absolutely fantastic trip to America recently.

Our children travelled brilliantly (a lot of thanks goes to the sleeping tablets that my boys already take on a regular basis) and also as a result of the months and months of forward planning that went into our holiday.

But yes, despite all this…there were still some “interesting” moments as is to be expected but I’m stoked to say that they really were rare and very manageable.

The wheels really didn’t fall off until we returned home this week but that’s a whole other blog post!

We were in the States for a total of eighteen days which seems like enough time to cover a lot of ground right?….Well, yeah, but we didn’t.

We know that overloading kids is never a good idea ESPECIALLY when they are on the spectrum! So we spent a lot of days just relaxing in the hotel room or taking it easy doing things like swimming or strolling down boulevards and lanes as the boys stopped and felt every lamp post, concrete square and blade of grass in their endless pursuit of sensory nirvana!

 

And I believe that we reaped the rewards of this in their subsequent remarkable behaviours.

 Sure, I would’ve loved to have spent more time shopping, sightseeing and I REALLY wanted to drive Route 66 but I had to make the decision to be thankful that we were even ABLE to have an overseas holiday with our kids and realise that this was not all about me.  THIS time anyway

We had to make the decision to not sweat the small stuff and allow the children to do things that normally would be jumped on immediately. Stuff that normally drives us spare and makes us crazy!

Like rolling around on the floor under the chairs at the airport….

Hiding under restaurant tables:

Or Climbing….And climbing….

And even more climbing!

And we had to make allowances for the children when they became tired or grumpy as a result of being kept out late the previous night……even if the strain of this still showed on our faces!

And the technicalities?

Well technically  8 years old is too old for a stroller right?!

Well…no.  No it’s not when you have Sensory Processing Disorder and need a place to escape the constant lights, noise and crowds.   You do whatever works when you’re us.

And chewing…..NORMALLY chewing on a hat cord would make me wild but I realised that Disneyland is quite a lot to take in and I had to  let it go…. MAN that was hard for me! I had to let a LOT of things slide and there were times that I had to just close my eyes or look away because it wasn’t worth the fight!

And you know what? I think I may have gained a little bit more tolerance and patience as a result!

But only a little bit mind you….let’s not go crazy now!

~

Yes…..There were a lot of different and unusual happenings while we were away.

But….

A lot of things were exactly the same as if we were back home…..

For example….we still had Lucas on constant sensory seeking missions:

And sometimes I had to help him by doing some O.T. on-the-go

Spinning anyone?

~

Car travel was pretty much the same as it is here:

And my kids still displayed impeccable table manners:

And….there was more climbing:

Thankfully, I’m an amazing mother who keeps up with her children by always staying fit EVEN when I’m on holidays:…..

Ok ok…..

You got me.

I totally lied about that……my choice of footwear kinda gives me away I know!!
But kudos to my Mum for playing along when I asked her to grab her camera and snap me “hard at word” LOL

All in all, it was quite a funny 2 1/2 weeks if you choose to see the amusing amidst the frustrating.

Thankfully, in Vegas you could buy Margaritas on the STREET:

And they were GOOD:

To the very last drop

We had such a wonderful time away……I hope you enjoyed this walk on the lighter side of life

Cheers: 

Fi xxx

Wordless Wednesday 7/9/11 – What do you mean this is not how you put in ear plugs?

"But they ARE in my ears Mummy!"

THIS is how I cope ;)

My daughter Ella likes to take pictures. She can often be seen jumping out from behind furniture to capture that all important candid shot. Some of them turn out to be fabulous pics but a lot of them are just downright embarrassing!  I must admit that she has captured some fabulous memories though!

Anyway, I was looking through her latest album of randoms and I noticed a bit of a theme with the photographs of me. It is a theme that relates to how I cope.

I decided that it was time to come clean on here but first – I need to give you all some history.

Harley and Lucas are loud.

No, I’ll make it clearer than that… Harley and Lucas are REALLY LOUD!!!!

Harley has major sensitivities to noise and Lucas is like a human foghorn.

Now….you would think that with Harley having such strong aversions to loud noises that he wouldn’t make too much of it himself wouldn’t you? Um…..no, sadly that’s not the case!  He can often be found screaming at the top of his lungs at his siblings, at me, at the toy that just.won’t.do.what.it’s.told and at all of the screens in the house that don’t give him the result he requires.

He also has a loud monotone talking voice and I gotta tell you that the constant noise in this house DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!

I also want to add that after I had brain surgery to remove a tumour 5 years ago and am now 100% deaf in my right ear and as a result – I have become extremely protective of the hearing that I do have left. So the boy’s constant noise can start to get to me a lot sooner than it used to because I have trouble filtering sounds nowadays. I never had a problem with crowds in shopping centres or loud music in other people’s cars at the traffic lights or even general kid noise but over the last few years – I really really can’t take it.

I suppose my stress levels being at a constant high wouldn’t help much either – but back to Ella’s penchant for candid photos…

These next 5 photos that Ella took of me feature me “coping with the noise”…..or not! (And for the record…..the horrible black leggings in most photos are my “house pants”….eeeewww I know!)

⬇THIS⬇ is how I cope

Cooking in silence (look closely at my head)

Vacuuming in silence

Blog reading in Silence

Making beds in silence

Cleaning teeth in silence

And occasionally I drive wearing my trusty headphones because you CAN’T ESCAPE when you’re in a car LOL!

Throwing out the books.

image from picturesof.com

Once upon a time in a house just like ours, many many years ago – we were experiencing some “interesting”  behaviour from Harley and I went searching for some helpful tips on how to handle the particular challenges that he was presenting to us.

When I think about it now-I can’t actually believe that I did this (a wire must have come loose in my brain or something) because I headed straight for the parenting books that I had on my bookshelves to see if I could get any little tidbits from any of them that might help.

Yeah, I know!

Dumb idea. REALLY dumb idea!

I completely agree now.

The first book I picked up should have come with a warning label on the side that said: If you are a parent of a child on the autistic spectrum…..DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!   It is written for parents of typically developing children and it will leave you feeling like a terrible parent because NONE of these methods will work for you.

The simple fact (as hard as it was for me to admit it at the time) is that my children don’t develop in the same way that neuro-typical children do so attempting to apply these methods to them was ridiculous from the get-go.

Let me explain:

Chapter one started off by stating that:  “As your child grows, they begin to understand the natural connection between actions and consequences”.

Then I read further to come across this little gem -

“Timeouts work well for all children between the ages of 2-8. Establish a suitable timeout place that’s free of distractions and it will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. Don’t forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation)”.

 Calm down? Self regulation?

I remember thinking that if my child was able to self-regulate or self calm, I wouldn’t be reading this book searching for answers in the first place!

And for what it’s worth - my child didn’t used to go into time out ‘thinking’ about what he’d done wrong! – He was usually confused as to why he was even in trouble in the first place because most of the time he hadn’t been able to connect an action to this particular consequence!

On a recent note – we do actually use time outs in this house but for a completely different reason….we use them because *we* need a break from the child. We put them in their rooms so that they stop kicking, hitting or screaming at us so it’s usually more a case of a creating distance between the kicker and the kickee than the usual reason for imposing a timeout.

***

I know that I really should have tossed the book at this point but my curiosity got the better of me so I read on. I flicked to the chapter on 9-12 year olds and read this:

“Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences. As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline”

Hmmmm, wasn’t this the same thing that I read way back in chapter one?

I can’t believe how far our thinking has come in only 4 short years!

And before you all think I’m being completely unfair and un-teachable here by bagging the aforementioned book - Yes, I do agree with some of the writings on some levels….but first I have to get over the hurdle that is my child being completely unable to predict consequences. Most of this book was founded on that premise.

Gosh disciplining would be a heck of a lot easier if my child GOT that small piece of the puzzle.

But I’m not going to go off on a negative rant here – no, I’m going to write about what WE do that (so far) seems to be working for us.

You know that phrase that parents use all the time “You’ve got to the count of three before I….” (insert threat of choice).

Well…I used to do that too, but I always ended up with a sobbing mess of a child who simply couldn’t process my request that quickly and would descend into a mammoth meltdown before my eyes.    So now I give him a slow count to ten instead and get the same result. He still knows that I am requiring obedience, but I am not rushing him and causing him more unnecessary stress.

And saying to one of my boys: “Remember what happened LAST time you did that” as a warning to not commit the same crime….chances are he is unable to recall it so now, I remind him as I go.

ie:

“Lucas – last time you tipped that jug of water on the floor – Mummy got really cross and you had to help me mop the floor so THIS time, I want you to stop pouring it NOW, before you get yourself into trouble” (side note – don’t ever use the phrase  ‘will get you into hot water’ on a literal child!)

And whether he is able to recall it or not – the message still gets through but without all the confusion.

Or how about when parents say to their kids:

“I want you to pick up your dirty socks and put them in the hamper, carry your soccer boots to the laundry, take out your lunch box and place it on the kitchen bench then put your school bag in your room”.

 If I said all that – I can guarantee you that NONE of it would get done and I’d have tears, tantrums and refusal on my hands.

I’ve had to learn that this is all WAY too much for an ASD child to process, there are too many steps to that command so I would then approach this scenario in one of two ways.

Either break the tasks up into single requests or write a list (for Ella’s age group) or draw pictures depicting what I needed to happen for the boys because they are younger.

I have to say that learning these methods and more have been life changing for us. A lot of the drama can be removed if I just remember to try to think like they do.

I’m continually trying to research new methods of how to help my kiddos and if anyone can put me onto a book that’s written specifically for ASD kids regarding disciplining and raising younger children – please write to me and share!!! I still need all the help that I can get!

And lastly – I have a handful of parenting books for typical children that are gathering dust  on my shelves.  Anyone wanna come and take them off my hands?  :)

You know you’re the mother of an aspie when:

• Your son can tell you the name of every Nintendo character but doesn’t know the name of the child he sits next to in the classroom and has done for the last 6 months!
• Every conversation somehow ends up being about whatever it is that they’re interested in and you’ve given up trying to steer it elsewhere because you know you can’t possibly win!
• Instead of tripping over matchbox cars strewn all over the living room floor – you have to step cautiously on your tip toes to avoid messing with any of the perfectly lined up cars that he has made by laying them cars end to end in colour groups.
• You need to start every sentence with their name so that they realise that you’re not just speaking pointlessly into the wind.
• You don’t dare serve two new foods on the one night.
• You usually answer invitations with “Let me get back to you” because you never know…..
• You understand the meaning of “we have to leave now” and never question that request.
• Ever.
• You don’t tell your very literal child to “cut it out” unless you’re prepared for something to be ruined with scissors or a knife.
• You’ve learned not to ask open-ended questions like “Tell me about your day”  because you know they will.

Every.last.bit.Starting with the morning toilet stop. (In all its gory detail!)

• You know the meaning of and often drop into conversation words like: Perseveration, Proprioception  and Prosopagnosia
• You are on a first name basis with the centre management at the local shopping centre because your child has absconded so many times.
• You spend every week attending speech therapy, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, social therapy and spend hours on behavioural therapy and cognitive therapy with your child leaving no time for you to attend the psychological therapy that you need due to the possibility of your head exploding.
• And this is why you blog instead. ….This is FREE therapy
• You can’t remember the last time you ate fish (or insert the food of choice) because your child absolutely positively cannot STAND the smell of it in the house!
• Spontaneous outings are taken at your own peril!
• Your baby slept through the night BEFORE their older aspie sibling!
• You already know what’s for dinner for the next 2 weeks and EVERY LAST THING has been written down to avoid potential freak outs!
• You’ve learned that unless you want to know the ABSOLUTE TRUTH – you don’t ask your aspie if your outfit looks ok!

I’m sure there’s a lot more. But I will save them up for another post
Anyone else got anything to add?

BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!!

You know those ladies that stand at the end of the aisles in supermarkets with their little white stands, their aprons, their mini plastic cups and teaspoons and their food samples?

Well…that was me 5 years ago!….Yep! I was a demo dame

I was also a merchandiser and a mystery shopper. I worked for a marketing company so had a different client each week so there was a lot of variety in my job.

I promoted everything from yoghurt to dishwasher tablets to printers to chocolate bars!!

I used to meet several new people every day and it was the absolute perfect job for me. I loved talking to the customers and the other demonstrators and it gave me a real boost being able to enter the adult world even if it was only briefly!

I only ever worked from 10-2 and never on school holidays and it fitted in perfectly with my busy schedule. I worked up until a week before Lucas was born and even heavily pregnant – I LOVED it!

I remember one time when I was about 8 months pregnant, I had a sticky date pudding demo in a supermarket that required me to have a microwave up on my stand and I arrived early to start setting up and waddled over to the freezer section to collect my samples. I turned around and noticed that there was a guy in his early 20s following me.

He stood there and watched me struggle to set up my stand and as I was lifting the microwave BY MYSELF – 8 months pregnant – onto the stand he walked over to me and started to speak.

“Great” I thought….he’s going to offer to help me, so I set the microwave back down again.

I smiled at him and looked at him expectantly and then he said “How long until you’re set up – I’m hungry and those puddings look goooood!”

It hadn’t occurred to him to offer assistance. He was only worried about his stomach!

It’s was so infuriating at the time and I remember almost throwing his pudding at him when I finally got it ready but I quickly forgot about it and got on with the rest of my shift.

For some reason, this memory came back to me last night because I had a very similar incident with my little Harley right after dinner.  

The children had just finished eating and I had started rinsing and stacking their dishes on the sink , wiping down the table and sweeping the floor when Harley comes over to me completely oblivious to the work going on around him and says:

“Mum, it’s time for dessert. Why haven’t you got my dessert? What’s for dessert? Is it ice-cream or is it yoghurt? I think I’d like ice-cream tonight. But can I have both? I can’t decide. MUMMMMMM, Why aren’t you getting my dessert?.We ALWAYS have dessert straight after dinner. I’m HUNGRY! ” and started to get into a real flap.

He then took a breath and stood in front of me with his hands on his hips and an expectant face not knowing why he had made me so angry.

I asked him if he had noticed me clearing and cleaning up and if he thought it was possible for me to get dessert at the same time as doing all of these things and he replied that he didn’t know.  I then told him that he needs to learn a little bit of patience and that he needed to ask more nicely next time and to not just assume that things were going to go his way all the time.

He paused for a moment and then said….“May I have dessert now PLEASE?”

From where he stood – his request was perfectly ok and he couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about.

I looked at him again and said: “In a moment honey, just let me turn the dishwasher on and wipe down the bench, I’ll take care of it soon”

He rolls his eyes at me and muttered: “The things you have to do just to get a bit of sugar around here”.

I was ticked off but I ignored it and chose not to let it penetrate but realised that there is still a lot of social training that is required in that area. And I smarted at the realisation that I would probably have to endure a lot more of these type of situations before he completely “gets” it.

They (whoever they are) say that this is very common in individuals diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. In fact a lot of the diagnostic criteria is obvious in this little scenario.

For example:

1. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behaviour: Demanding what he wanted NOW and not being willing to wait for it, and getting annoyed when it didn’t happen immediately.

2. Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject: Not being able to think about anything other than dessert and going over and over it until it happened.

3. Repetitive behaviors or rituals: His constant chants of : dessert, dessert, dessert, dessert. NOW!

4. Peculiarities in speech and language: Talking out loud about what he was going to be having – asking himself a question and answering it in the same sentence. Repeating his request several times over.

5. Problems with non-verbal communication: Non-verbal communication involves perceiving body language and acting appropriately. He didn’t notice that I was otherwise engaged in cleaning up.

6. Inflexibility or rigid thinking: He couldn’t understand why his needs were not the most important thing in my eyes as well.

7. Fear of changes; sameness in daily routines: He said:  “We ALWAYS” have dessert straight after dinner.

I can now see that Harley was not so much being a pain in the butt as he was just trying to make sense of the whole thing in his head.

Harley was noticeably confused as to why I was annoyed with him and even after I tried to explain it – he still didn’t understand what the big deal was! I guess it’s something that I will have to keep working on with him.

But I have to say that I am thrilled that I am now able to look past my initial annoyance and see that this wasn’t just a case of him being a little brat!

And all day today – I have been wondering about that young man in the supermarket. I have wondered about his short-and-to-the-point speech and his complete lack of awareness to the situation that was obvious to almost everybody else.

I suppose I’ll never know!

Love me every one day.

I had written a post yesterday afternoon after having a dreadful morning with Lucas.   

It was an absolute shocker of a day! It was meltdown central and SO draining!

I wrote it all out but then I received a phone call from a close friend.

She had some really crappy news and my whole mood just sunk. Everything that I’d just been through seemed really insignificant and tiny compared to her news.

None of it really mattered anymore.

My friend has been given the nickname of “Warrior Princess” amongst us all and it is very fitting!

She is always one of the first to step up and advocate for our kids and puts herself in the front line every time there is a battle going on concerning a child. We all look up to her and she has inspired me to fight until I see results.

She was  the friend that was on the phone to me immediately when she heard about the struggles that Harley was having at school last year and she kept pushing me to be a stronger, louder, more passionate voice for my child.

And I can’t thank her enough for that!

So when I read back over yesterday’s blog post, I realised that it shows a good example of what she has taught me!  I stood up for my child, I didn’t shy away from speaking the truth out and I believe that I would have done her proud!

It is because of this that I have decided that I am going to post yesterday’s post after all.

It’s dedicated to my friend who is in my prayers and who I will be pulling for ALL THE WAY!!!!

Love ya mate!

************************************************************************************************************************************

So today was very interesting! I needed to buy some groceries because our cupboards and the fridge were both looking a bit bare. I knew that I also needed to do a few other little errands so decided to go to a larger shopping centre than I usually do so I could do it all in the one place.

The commotion all started because I usually do the grocery shopping at a little centre that only has a supermarket and a few other small shops like a butcher etc, and I didn’t pre-warn Lucas of this change of plans because he’s not usually the kind of child to react to this kind of change.  But today, he completely lost it in a BIG way!

He screamed and screamed and kicked and attacked me. He was SO LOUD that many people stared , tutted and shook their heads.

I couldn’t carry him because he would go all floppy every time I attempted to pick him up so I had to literally drag him by his collar over to a seat so I could at least hold him tightly and try to calm him.

I had an older man come over and actually said to Lucas: “You’re being a naughty boy for Mummy”…..

I told him that he was NOT being rude but that he is autistic and not coping very well.

He rolled his eyes at me and said: “Oh these stupid fancy names – they’re all excuses,  he’s just a typical naughty boy, they’re all over these days because Mum’s are too soft”

So I raised my voice over Lucas; screams and said: “You sir, are a very rude and outspoken man and I don’t appreciate your opinion being thrust onto me. Especially since you don’t even know what I am dealing with here.”

 

And yes, other people heard me but I SO didn’t care!

 

Another lady came up and started saying: “What’s wrong mate, that’s a big noise for a little fella ” in Lucas’ face as he thrashed and screamed and I smiled politely, told her that he didn’t understand her so she said it LOUDER!

I politely explained that he doesn’t have a hearing problem but that he is autistic and is currently unable to process anything that she is saying..

She walked off  - miffed – without even so much as a goodbye.

Then over to my right, two ladies sat at a coffee shop whispering to each other and staring at us. Then as they were leaving, they walked past us, and then one of them said loudly enough for me to hear:  “Why on earth won’t she just take that child home?” and this time I knew that I had had enough of people judging me and my child.

I stood up, followed her and tapped her on the shoulder and said in my finest sarcastic voice:

 

 “Do you really want to know why I won’t take him home?…..I’ll tell you why. It’s because families with autistic children still have to buy groceries and eat too. Sorry that we are interrupting your morning and inconveniencing you”.  Then I flicked my hair triumphantly and walked back over to my now- moaning little boy.

 

Her face went pale and she shuffled off without even so much as an apology.

I didn’t care.

I simply couldn’t understand how so many people could just watch a mother struggling with her incoherent, thrashing child and see that she is staying calm, stroking his hair, saying “It’s ok sweetheart, it’s ok” over and over again but still think that it’s just a case of a child being a brat?!

The facts were: I had no food in the house, today was my only opportunity to do it and leaving it until another day simply wasn’t an option due to appointments and the like taking up the rest of the week.

I managed to get Lucas into a trolley and started whizzing around the store quickly grabbing the bare essentials and ignored the stares and scrutiny of my fellow shoppers.

I got into the cereal aisle and Lucas turned it up a notch. I caved and lifted him out of the trolley and crouched down beside him on the floor to his level and just hugged him tightly. He buried his head in my shoulder and just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

It was then that a wonderful young Mum with 2 little toddlers in her trolley came over and asked if she could help me in any way. I smiled and thanked her but explained that he is just having a bad day.

She said: “Does he have autism ?”

Surprised I looked at her and said: “YES! But how did you know?”

“Because I watched you wrapping him in your jacket and squeezing him and the fact that you didn’t treat it like a tantrum. Also because my best friend has an autistic child and he flaps and rocks in much the same way as your son is”.

“WOW”. I replied. And then I thanked her profusely for stopping to help and for not judging me. I told her that she is a rarity these days and that I wished more people would just come up and ask me questions rather than just assuming the worst.

Eventually he calmed and I got him into the seat in the trolley with my jacket pulled down firmly over his head playing my iphone.

And then of course someone stopped me and asked“Why are you suffocating your child under there”.

 

“He’s just hiding from rude people,  that’s all” . I answered and kept walking smiling to myself and thinking that I have definitely done the Warrior Princess proud!

***************************************

When we got home that afternoon and Lucas was in a much better frame of mind, he came up to me and said in his fragmented speech;-

“Thankyou Mum for love me always every one day. Always love forever…..you to me, that’s all.”

This was HIS way of saying: “Thank you for loving me even when I’m hard to understand”.

I mel-ted!!!

*****************************************

Why I told my son to stay away from nerds.

Yes that’s right….I have told my child to stay away from nerds.  

Before you start thinking that I’m a horribly judgemental and awful parent – let me explain…

Firstly…my son is a bit of a nerd himself. He regularly spouts out monologues about his current favourite aircraft or favourite Ben 10 alien or something else equally inane.

And I tell Mr Patient all the time that he is also more-than-a-bit of a bit of a nerd himself!

I mean: his ever growing star wars Lego collection, his fascination with car makes and models, his love of all things related to science fiction, computers or technology is only a small snippet of why I think this!

B-O-R-I-N-G!

But no, these are still not the types of nerds that I am referring to.

I’m talking about these suckers…

⬇

Harley’s teacher made a bee-line for me after school today because she was quite upset that another child had bought Harley a packet of nerds at the school canteen at lunchtime and that he had eaten the whole entire packet.

She wanted me to know how sorry she was for his consequent behaviour issues and that she had spoken to the other child and told them that they are NOT to buy things for other children ever again.

I assured her that I wasn’t upset with her and told her that Harley is getting to the age where he needs to take some responsibility as well! He is almost 8 and he knows that he isn’t allowed to eat something that’s THIS chock full of preservatives and colours!

The teacher was still not convinced that I was ok and then I saw him with my own eyes.

It.was.hilarious!

He had glazed over eyes and alternated between dazed out and hyperactive.

He ran and ran and ran and ran some more!

He yelled out a quick “Hi Mum” as he tore past me for the gazillionth time throwing his school bag in my general direction.

I laughed…I mean…. What else could I do?

Some kids are fine with food colourings in high doses…whereas others (like my boy) are definitely NOT!

And just because I’m a caring, sharing kinda gal…. Here’s a quick video of Harley taken minutes after we walked in the door this afternoon. (Of course Lucas had to copy his brother too…)

…

…

We’ve now been home for almost 2 hours and he’s still running!

Which is flipping FANTASTIC!

Not.

This is me Meme

Laura at Life in the house that asperger built has tagged me in the COOLEST Meme…

This is the plan:

• Ask your child to draw a picture of you. It doesn’t matter how old they are…
• Post the picture on your blog.
• Call it the ‘This is Me Meme’.
• Pop over to here and add to the linky.
• Then tag some others

Ok…..Firstly Here’s my 4 year old son Lucas’ drawing:

Apparently I have short spikey hair?

.

.

Then my 7 year old son Harley drew this:

He tells me that this is me holding his hand and that they are not

fingers on the right of the picture but they are his hands flapping

because he’s happy to be with me…awwwww!

.

.

And this is my 11 year old daughter Ella’s drawing:

Complete with a few very flattering adjectives and my two favourite past times

(according to her) Piano playing and blogging!

 

Now it’s my turn to tag some people. If you don’t want to take part that’s AOK with me but it IS a lot of fun

 

Ok, I’m tagging:

The Marvellous Merri @ Treasures in the dust

The Dancing Queen DQ @ I should have called him Calvin

The Sensational Steph @ Steph’s diary

and

The Lovely Lizbeth @ Four sea stars.

 

HAVE FUN!!!!

 

 

Busy and tired!

So, it’s been a wild week in the Madhouse.

I’ve been crazy busy and waiting for this ride to stop so I can step off!

 If you write a blog and I’m subscribed to it…..please know that I probably haven’t read it yet but I will hopefully get around to it soon.

Erm….sorry!

 I’ve also got 142 unread emails in my inbox. Yes… 142!!!

It’s due to my computer developing a problem with syncing my emails to my iPad and iPhone, so if you’ve written to me and I haven’t responded…..I’m not ignoring you. I just have had to wait until we can fix this glitch.

 Ugh!

 As a result of this : I have so much to write about, it’s hard to know where to start so instead of trying to write about it all, I will just list a few things in point form!

•  The school that Ella and Harley go to, have asked me to get a cognitive and educational assessment for Harley.

 Basically…..we need to discover his potential and ability and get his results to match that!

Now all of you long time readers will attest that  I’ve whinged before about the OT that he had last year and what a complete waste of time and money that she was.

Well guess what? I have finally gotten rid of her! And on Wednesday, Harley started with a brand new OT who specialises in Functioning OT.     So far, I’m really impressed!  She did a motor assessment on Harley and has told me that she has observed a LOT that she needs to work on with him.

I’m not surprised by this because the previous OT was hell-bent on the sensory stuff (which is also important) but she rarely did anything to help him with his writing and fine motor skills.

As a result, his writing is now at a 4year old child’s level and he is turning 8 in a few months.

Ho Hum.

 She also told me that she is going to enjoy working with ‘ME’. (My humour – or rather my ‘sarcasm’ must have appealed to her!)

•   Lucas’ early intervention pre-school has just called me to advise me that there is a place for him to start OT with one of their therapists (who is awesome) so I’m VERY excited about that too!

He is coming in leaps and bounds with his speech but he really struggles with motor skills and has huge sensory needs.

•  The kid’s school has also asked me to get an assessment for Lucas before they will even consider interviewing us for enrolment for next year. I partly understand where they are coming from, but I am also annoyed because I (naively) assumed that he would be instantly accepted because the older two kids go there! Not so….. But he has his assessment on the 29th of this month so I will have to wait and see how that pans out.

 

• Ella turned 11 on Thursday! I can hardly believe that my girl no longer looks like this:

 

•  My mum is down at the moment and she helped us celebrate Ella’s birthday.

Last night – We took Ella and 5 friends to a Pizza place for dinner and then to the movies. It was a fabulous night and I was thrilled to see her so happy! School has been shocking for her up until last year as she has been mercilessly bullied by a group of girls that thankfully are no longer part of the crowd she associates with. So for me – it’s exciting that she is finally fitting in!

•  Today we had a “family” party for her with Mr Patient’s Mum coming over and with my Mum still being here we all went to play Mini golf. Ella’s BFF *Emma came with us too as she slept over after the movies last night.

Golf was wonderful! And we were pleased with how well the boys coped with it all, so we all decided to go out and have morning tea at a local coffee shop afterwards.

Wel….it seemed like a good idea at the time!  We hadn’t taken into consideration all the sensory overload that the golf centre had provided and the many different people that he had to come into contact with.

Unfortunately it didn’t take long after we sat down for Harley to start to lose his composure and the wheels started to fall off in a BIG way

Thankfully – I keep a black pashmina in my handbag most of the time so I quickly wrapped it around his shoulders and draped it down over his head, gave him my phone to play with, and he sat in his little blackened cocoon and we were able to get him down reasonably quickly.

Afterwards when we got home for lunch and fired up the BBQ,  I patted myself on the back, SO PROUD of myself for being such a great mother and handling the situation so well. However……Harley sat down on the rug to play with one of his Sonic toys and when the leg broke off……ALL-HELL-BROKE-LOOSE!!!!

 The poor child screamed, thrashed, cried and rocked for almost 45 minutes.

And the ONLY thing we could do was wait it out. NOTHING was working. All the things that usually work weren’t working either.  We tried wrapping him, giving him his teddy, carrying him to a quiet room, and holding him tight whispering “shhhh” but they were all useless!

 None of us knew what to do as it took all of us by surprise because we didn’t recognise the warning signs (which in hindsight was the mini meltdown in the coffee shop) and we had wrongly assumed that by the time we got home again, the worst of it was over!

It hadn’t occured to me that it was only a bandaid solution and that there was a LOT more to come.

It absolutely broke my heart to see him so emotionally distraught and completely non-verbal except for the grunting, yelling and sobbing, and I think Ella’s friend *Emma got a bit of a rude shock seeing him in full swing.

 She knows he has autism but I think that this is the first real dose of our reality that she has experienced.

 I HATED feeling so disconnected from Harley and unable to soothe him at all. It was a dreadful and heart -wrenching feeling of faliure for this mother, but at least I have now made a mental note to observe him closer and recognise the signs sooner so that it doesn’t reach that level of explosiveness again!

Another lessoned learned!

Anyway, my main goals for this week are to catch up on my emails and blog reading- but I have to be honest: I’m really not liking my chances of that happening because my Mum is still here for another few days and I would choose spending time with her over ANYTHING else in my life right now!

Haha!

Ave a good weekend peoples,

 Luv yous all!

Never leave your children unattended in the bathtub.

NEVER leave them alone.

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.

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Even for a second.

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.

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Because this can happen:

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And what was their punishment?

They had to go and stand outside in the courtyard and drip dry while I used their towels to dry the floor!

LOL!

The difference between baby number one and subsequent siblings!

Do you know what really amuses me?

The massive difference in how you are with your last child as opposed to your first!

I’m not exactly a seasoned mother myself being that my eldest is only 11 and I’m sure that parents of teenagers laugh at me in much the same way I smile smugly whenever I see a “new” mum out in public.

You know…..the ones with the MASSIVE nappy bag and the 6 dozen spare outfits and the fancy  brand name pram and the tell-tale dark circles under her eyes!

I look back at when I was a first time mother with Ella and giggle.

When she was born , I had typical first time Mum angst!

Here are some amusing scenarios outlining the differences between how I was with my baby number 1 compared to my baby number 3.

*Baby’s dummy falls on the ground……

Baby number 1: IMMEDIATELY confiscate it and replace with a new one that’s been stored in a container that’s ALSO sterilised.

Baby number 2: Wash it with bottled water and return to baby’s mouth.

Baby number 3: Say “Ah, she’ll be right mate”, you blow on it and return to the baby’s mouth.

Baby has a sniffle……

Baby number 1: Rush straight to the emergency department and demand they test your baby for meningococcal disease.

Baby number 2:  Make sure you have a supply of tissues on you at all times and if it continues for more than a few days, make an appointment with the GP “just in case”.

Baby number 3: What’s a Doctor? Give your child an antihistamine medicine that dries up runny noses and send them to pre-school anyway. After all….you NEED a break!

Baby has a wet *nappy whilst you’re out…..

Baby number 1: Change them straight away. If there is a tiny bit of wee on the outfit as well, change the entire outfit. Baby has to look lovely at all times. Continue to check and change them every hour throughout the day.

Baby number 2: Wait until you get home from the shopping centre. It won’t kill them to stay wet for another ten minutes. Isn’t that what disposable nappies with their “draw away from the skin liners” are for?

Baby number 3: Wet Nappy! Ah well…..at least it’s not pooey! Leave them in it until the next nappy change. Who’s got the time to change EVERY wee!

Your Toddler wakes up and calls for you from their cot in the morning to let you know they’re awake.….

Toddler number 1: You rush in there and cover them, with kisses and cuddles and tell them how much you missed them through the night!

Toddler number 2: You call out “Be there in a minute” and go and make a coffee first!

Toddler number 3: You see how long you can actually get away with calling out to them from YOUR OWN bed  “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming” until they give up and climb out themselves or an older sibling lifts them out for you!

You notice your toddler fighting over a toy at playgroup with someone else’s child…..

Toddler number 1: Immediately go and gently remove the toy from your child’s grasp all the while explaining to them that “It’s not nice to take other children’s toys” and lecture them on the social rules of sharing. Then find the other child’s mother and apologise profusely.

Toddler number 2: Sit back and watch for a bit to see if the situation will eventually work itself out.

Toddler number 3: Notice it?? You’ve got your back turned to your child and you are too engrossed in the “I’m more tired than you are” conversations that you are having with the other mothers! And if the other child’s mother finds you to inform you that your child is being unkind to their child, you ask them who started it first and explain that “he’s got 2 older siblings, he’s used to having to fight for his rights”!

You’re out and it’s lunch-time and you forgot to bring your toddler’s sandwich with you….

Baby number 1: Go to a café and order a whole grain sandwich with cheese on it and a side of milk or watered down juice. Ask the staff to cut the crusts off and make it into triangles NOT squares.  Make sure you give them a piece of fruit or yoghurt when you get home to balance it out.

Baby number 2: But a cheese and bacon bun at a bakery.

Baby number 3: “what was that honey….you want that chocolate doughnut? (shut-up spell check…I’m Australian)  And a side of fries followed by a coke?…Sure…..just don’t tell Daddy ok?” Then let them eat it in the pram while you continue to walk around the shopping centre!

Your child says something rude very LOUDLY in a shopping centre…..

Child number 1: Correct them VERY publicly. You don’t want any passers-by thinking you are a bad mother! Make it clear that you are on top of this unacceptable behaviour!

Child number 2: Repeat what they really said with what you’d have preferred them to have said. ie “What was that honey, you’ve finished it?” (Sh*t)

Child number 3:  Look around and say: “Does anyone know where this child’s mother is? “ And roll your eyes for effect.  Then offer to take them to Centre management so an announcement can be made for the child’s parent to claim their lost child.

And do you know the worst part about all of this…..?

These are all absolutely 100% TRUE scenarios from my own parenting experiences..

Aren’t I just a fab-o mother! LOL!

Ella (child number 1) eating her healthy orange segments and wholewheat sandwiches. Notice the clean bib.

That's right Harley (child number 2) get that gluten laden chinese food into you coeliac belly!

What was that Lucas ? (child number 3) You want chocolate for breakfast?....Sure!

 

*And just to clear up any confusion :

Here in Australia, we call a crib a cot, a pushchair or buggy a pram or stroller, a pacifier a dummy and a diaper a nappy.)

 

 

Tequila via Blog Gems

After my little emotional outburst this morning, I thought that it would be much nicer if I cleared the air by posting something lighthearted.

I’ve popped on over to see Jen @ The King and Eye and have taken part in her fortnightly blog hop Blog gems.

So follow the link and head on over to check out some other funny posts. (after reading mine of course)!

This weeks prompt is “An event in your life”.

Ten fat Santas sitting on a wall

Sorry it’s grainy and bad photography….I forgot to take my camera to Lucas’ Early Intervention Christmas party so I had to use my mobile phone and  this was the best I could get.

Oh yeah…..my child is the smallest one with the Ben 10 tattoos on his arms and picking his nose and eating it!……I’m SO proud *rolls eyes*.

I LOVE the taste but I HATE the smell Mum……

But I like the taste Mum........

I took this photo of Harley because I was highly amused (and proud) at his ingenuity to overcoming his sensory issues.

He couldn’t handle the smell of the Hoisin sauce that was on his noodles but desperately wanted to eat them!

Soo how do you get around that problem?

Easy……just eat with a peg on your nose!

I should have just done it myself!

Me: ” H, would you please tidy your room”                                                                                          

H: “I can’t, I don’t know how.”

Me: ” You need to make your bed and put away your toys”

H: (puzzled) “Make my bed into what?” “Put my toys where?”

Me: (rolling my eyes) ” Pull up your sheets and doona” . “Toys go in the toybox”

H: “ok” …..makes his bed.

Me: “Well done mate…now you need to put your toys away”

H: “I can’t mum.”

Me: “Yes you can. Why do you think you can’t?”

H: ” I don’t know where to put them?”

Me:  (getting agitated) “In your toybox remember”

H: “Oh yeah”.

Me: (hurredly)  ”Come on then”

H:  (getting flustered) “But how?”

Me: “Put teddy on your pillow….(he does that)

Put your books in your bookcase  (takes a full  2 minutes).

“Great job” “Now put your shoes  back in your cupboard” (wait another 2 minutes).

“Excellent….now put your cars in the toy box”

H: “Which cars mum?”

Me: ( agitated  beyond belief by now) “THE ONES ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR…..PUT THEM IN THE TOYBOX!”

H: (honestly clueless as to why I’m annoyed) ” Why are you  yelling mum?”

Me: (sitting down cross legged on the floor putting the cars in the toy box myself because 10 minutes has passed and I’m over the step by step instructions) ” BECAUSE I WANT YOUR ROOM TIDIED UP!”

H: “Well, you just had to ask mum!”

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!