I DID IT!!!! Waahoooooeee!

Ok…..Cue the happy dancing.

Fiona a.k.a the least technically minded person in the entire world, has managed to export all of the info over from  The Madhouse to here without a hitch!

So from now on, I will be writing exclusively here only.

I will eventually close the other blog down but not until the blog hits die off and I’m convinced that everyone can find me here

So if I am on your blogroll – please change the link to : http://wonderfullywired.wordpress.com/
and if I’m not on your blogroll……why the hell not?!
LOL 

I am so darn proud of myself for managing to accomplish this!

The only things that didn’t transfer over from The Madhouse were my site stats which sat at 37,998 ( I know! I can hardly believe it either!) and also my subscribers .

So PLEASE re-subscribe to the new site if you were previously subscribed here and tell all your friends to visit me!

(I know…..shameless plug there but I guess I’m more competitive than I thought! )

Hope to hear from you all REALLY SOON
<3 Fi XX

oh yeah: Im still trying to figure out the blogroll thingy too….for some reason it didn’t transfer over either *sigh*

Welcome!

If you are reading this, you will have either found your way here via My other blog Welcome to the Madhouse or you are a new reader who has stumbled onto my blog by chance!

Whatever the case….WELCOME!

This blog is still in the process of being set up but I can still be found over at the Madhouse until further notice.

Cheers,

Fi

Already?

I knew it was close but, It probably would have passed without me even realising it. 

I hadn’t written it down in my calendar and surprisingly, wordpress doesn’t alert you to the fact either. But this morning, I received a text message from my BFF saying “Happy blog birthday”  and I thought ‘Wow….really?’ 

So it’s been a full 12 months since I started rattling on about every thought that enters my head!

I occasionally look at the numbers and it never fails to fascinate me that a boring old housewife from Australia has managed to write 415 posts over the course of a year!

Well….416 if you count this one!

One of the things that has worried me over the course of writing this blog is that my penchant for being brutally honest would drive people away but in fact, I have found quite the opposite!

I have had many comments and personal emails thanking me for laying it all on the line and telling it as it is. People tell me that my honesty makes them feel like they are not alone and not the only parent to feel helpless and out of their depths.

I don’t do this for any other reason than because it’s the only way I know how to be.

I don’t do fake.

I can’t write happy posts when I’m in the pits of despair.

I am NOT always able to see the silver lining and I don’t pretend that autism is all happy sailing.

I was concerned that my heart-on-the-line style of writing was harsh and too confronting.

I have considered throwing in the towel and quitting blogging altogether on countless occasions this year, but it turns out that this is exactly how a lot of other autism parents live as well.

I now know that for all of the glass half-full writers out there,  there are also a lot of us who frequently tread water trying desperately to stay afloat.

But to be fair- I do have days where I find myself jumping for joy on the mountain tops to celebrate what would seem like a small achievement to those who aren’t in the know!

Over the past 12 months of blogging, I have met many wonderful people online and have had a lot of people that I know in real life approach me and tell me that they never realised just how much families with autism go through.

And if this last year has only brought awareness to only a handful of people, than that’s a good start as far as I’m concerned. I realise that I only cater to a handful of readers out there but I will continue to blog throughout my happy days, sad days and everything in between for as long as I need to.

So thank you to all my faithful followers. Your comments and input and support have touched me in ways that I could never fully explain.

Pulling out the autism card.

As a parent of children on the autistic spectrum, I often find myself in a lot of situations where I need to pull out and play the autism card.

You know the one?….the card you play when your child is mid meltdown in a supermarket and you want to shame the nosey onlookers and shut them down mid-judgement.

Or the card you play when you notice people watching your child’s noticeably erratic and odd behaviour!

Well lately, I believe that I am finally starting to make some real progress on a personal level as a special needs parent in this respect.

You see, today was an very interesting day.

Coming home always does a lot of things to me. It stirs up memories, it causes me to re-evaluate my priorities and it also makes appreciate what I do have.
It shows me just how far my kids and I have come but also how far there still is to go. And most of all, because my life slows down for a little while here, it forces me to look hard at myself.

And I don’t always like what I see, but today I was pleasantly surprised.

I found myself chatting to a handful of people at morning tea after Mum’s church this morning and there was one moment when I surprised myself with my response (or lack of) when a lady started talking to Harley.

 As she spoke to him and asked him a series of questions (that he didn’t answer), he was looking everywhere else except at her, and was rocking ever-so-gently on the spot,  licking his forearm.  And for the first time ever….I didn’t feel the need to explain his odd behaviour away.

I think I’ve almost reached a point where I don’t feel like I owe it to him to pave the way and cushion people’s reactions to him.
  I’d be lying if I said that his behaviour NEVER embarrasses me, but it certainly isn’t the underlying reason that I do play the autism card anymore.

The thought that went through my head this morning during this one-way conversation was “This is my boy-isn’t he awesome!”

As I continued this polite back and forth with this lady, I watched all the other kids running around playing together while the parents chatted and drank coffee and then I couldn’t help but notice my own quirky kids.

Ella was standing next to a tree absentmindedly listening to her iPod and staring into space, and Harley and Lucas were sitting side by side underneath a shade sail eating the gluten free snacks that I brought for them COMPLETELY oblivious to anyone or anything else.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t care that they weren’t like all the other kids.

No, because today – they were my babies and I was literally beaming with pride.

And for me…..that’s progress.

Relax….

It’s only 4 more sleeps until I head back to the country to spend 3 weeks with my mum for the Easter school holidays.

image from keithabraham.com

Here’s a list of what I definitely WON’T be doing whilst I am at Mum’s

1. Stressing about situations at school.

2. Wondering whether Mr Patient will walk in the door before or after the kids are in bed for the night.

3. Dragging 3 shopping-phobic kids around a supermarket because I have no-one to mind them and we still need to eat.

4. Spending an hour convincing my child that it’s ok to wear a different coloured pair of undies to your socks…..really!

5. Spending hours planning the weekly schedule and factoring in therapy appointments.

6. Ironing school uniforms.

7. Making school lunches.

8. Fighting over homework.

9. Worrying over my huge phone bill to my Mum!

10. Hiding from the kids in my wardrobe just so I-can-get-a-moments-peace!

–

And here’s a list of 10 things I hope to do while I’m up there.

—–

1. Relaxing. Doing a lot or nothing, wherever my mood takes me.

2. Drinking coffee at trendy little cafes with friends.

3. Shopping with Mum…(yay)!…This woman sniffs out bargain a mile away!

4. Sleeping in. (Courtesy of the BEST mother )

5. Catching up on blog reading that I am ashamed to say that I am WEEKS behind in…..sorry all!

6. Going to my best friends birthday party and grooving the night away with her.

7. Playing hide-and-seek with the kids in my Mum’s awesome rabbit-warren house!

8. Baking cupcakes with the kids.

9. Going for walks at dusk to tire the kids out so they sleep better.

10. Running around like an idiot at the local parks chasing my kids watching them squeal with delight.

——-

So….what are you doing in YOUR holiday break?

Picnic in verse :)

Today we attended a “Go blue for autism” picnic in the park.

It was a fantastic day with a good turnout and a lot of fun.

It was wonderful to see so many blue shirts everywhere too

.

Today I watched your little faces,
Shining with delight,
Competing in a range of races,
What an awesome sight!
.
Surrounded by more kids like you,
As gorgeous as you are,
And all the same in shirts of blue,
You were all shining stars.
.
The atmosphere was so inviting,
Everyone had fun,
The kids all found it SO exciting,
FUN for everyone
.
Today the world was made aware,
Of what autism really is,
And just how much these parents care,
About their fabulous kids.
.
So I hope that all whom we hold dear,
Have learnt about what we do,
And heard the message loud and clear,
And lit their lives up BLUE!!!
.
.
.

Sack Race

Mr Patient found a balloon.....always a clown

Balloon race

I know this is a TERRIBLE photo of my boys but it captures their apprehension about the 3-legged race they are about to compete in perfectly!

* I actually took a lot more photographs but I don’t feel right putting pictures of other people’s kids online without their permission

So…how did the party go???

I’m absolutely gushing with pride here! There is one happy Mama in this here house!

Not only did Harley do GREAT at the party tonight, he amazed me beyond anything that I could have imagined!

I arrived early and after clearing it first with the host Mum, I walked him around the house showing him where things were and acclimatised him with the environment.

One of the first things that I noticed though, was the food table full of fairy bread, chips, lollies and cupcakes……EEEEeeeeekkK!

I chided myself for forgetting all about bringing gluten-free food for him. It was really strange that I’d forgotten it too because I’d covered every other possible scenario with him!

I’d told him that there would be lots of kids, loud music and flashing lights.  I prepared him for the possibility of his head getting (what he calls crowded) and his excitement wasn’t even slightly dulled even after I’d given him the worst-case scenario!

After about ten minutes, I told him that I had to leave for a little while and I handed the mother his headphones and my mobile number then left to go and buy some dinner for myself and Ella and Lucas. (Mr Patient is still at work so they had to come too).

When we returned Harley came running up to me and told me that he was having the BEST time.

I asked him what he’d eaten (so I could prepare myself for the onslaught tomorrow!) and he answered: “ I only ate the gummy bears, the sour worms and the cheezels because I know that these are the only gluten-free things here!”

I was THRILLED!, He has learnt what  he can and can’t eat! WOOHOOOOOOO!

(There is a little gluten in the cheezels but he wouldn’t have known that because the ones I buy are gluten-free J )

*Sienna’s Mum told me that she offered him a sausage sandwich for dinner and he told her that he only wanted the sausage because he can’t eat bread!

My mouth fell open in disbelief!!!

And the final kicker….there was a choice of birthday cake or ice-cream cake and Harley chose the ice-cream cake because HE KNEW that there was gluten in regular cake!!!!

I can’t tell you how excited this makes me! All the hard work I have put into him trying to convince him that it is for his own good that he eats gluten-free…..HAS WORKED!!!!

I think back to the horrendous fights I used to have with him when I first started him on this diet….the crying, the whining, the negotiating…UGH…..it was AWFUL! But he has now learnt what makes him feel good and what doesn’t!

And the BEST part of the night?……*Sienna’s mother told me that he was one of the only children who used their pleases and thankyous and excuse mes…….

Yep…I’m grinning from ear to ear

Can you tell I'm excited?

Well….the word is out!

In September this year, My beautiful Mum is taking our whole family to …

Image from asiancentral.com

DISNEYLAND!!!!!

YAY!

We haven’t told the boys yet because it’s too soon for us to handle the endless questions that it will surely bring!

But today I did write a social story that I will start reading to them over and over and over and (you get the message!) leading up to the FOURTEEN HOUR FLIGHT!

EeeeeeeeeeeK!

I still have quite a few more to write because we are also going to San Diego to take them to Legoland and Mr Patient and I are planning to do something that we’ve always joked about but never thought we’d actually do…..we are going to Vegas to renew our wedding vows in an Elvis Ceremony!

LOL!

Image from the-weddingvendors.com

But so far….this aeroplane social story is as far as I have gotten but I’m sure to be busy in the coming months!

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** I scoured the internet for hours trying to find a suitable social story with no success so if there’s anything in this one that could help someone else , feel free to copy it.

Sometimes, life sucks.

Losing my Dad just makes everything suck.

I’ll try not to make this a depressing post, but it has really become apparent to me lately that since Dad died…..it has affected so many areas of my and my family’s lives.

Take my beautiful Mum for example.

After she left here last week, she headed a few hours North to stay in her Aunty’s holiday home on the coast. The intention was so that she could relax a bit and treat herself to some much-needed down time in the week between Ella’s birthday and my sister’s little girl’s birthday next week.  And what better way to do that than at a little cottage only a 30 second walk from the ocean…

I have spoken to her a couple of times on the phone and although she has said she is enjoying herself, I can hear the loneliness in her voice. She doesn’t know a soul in this little town and has no contact with any of her friends apart from the occasional phone call. At night, she sits alone in the cottage watching tv and waiting for it to be bedtime.

This is NOT the life I want for her! That’s depressing.

My Dad retired early. He was only about 45 from memory, so he and Mum did EVERYTHING together up until the day he died at 61. And I can honestly say that I have never seen another couple before or since that were as obviously in love as my parents.

For 17 years, they went grocery shopping together, they helped at charities together, they went for long walks together, they strolled down streets holding hands like teenagers, they often used to take weekenders in their camper trailer to little beachside communities and they made regular trips down to visit their 5 grandchildren in the 2 different cities that my sister and I live in. They were a team and they were meant for each other.

I remember in the last few weeks of Dad’s life….how loving, compassionate and caring my Mum was. I never once heard her complain about the continuous tests, scans, and Dr appointments that she faithfully took him to every week.

She was (and still is) a rock to my sister *Gabrielle and I, and she soldiers on and on and on.

**

Like I said…..Dad dying wrecked everything.

Dad used to do most of the driving, so they were able to visit me more frequently. Now Mum has to fly or catch a train because it’s too far to drive alone and I don’t want her to anyway.

Dad was like a pseudo father to Mr Patient because he lost his own Dad (also to cancer) years before. Now, Mr Patient has no-one to talk to or get into mischief with whenever we visit Mum.

Dad shared my taste in music…..Big band, Jazz and soul music. He introduced me to Ella, Benny and Duke. But now I have to enjoy them alone.

I inherited my Dad’s awful sense of humour! We used to laugh at things that no-one else ever did and could never understand why other people didn’t think our jokes were funny?

Like for example: Q: What’s big and white and stands in the corner?

A: A naughty fridge!

I bet most of you rolled your eyes and cringed then. Dad would’ve laughed

And Dad would always make a point of telling me whether on the phone or in person that he thought I was a great mother.

Constantly. It’s like he somehow knew that I really needed to hear it.

He died before we got a diagnosis for Harley and the times that he was telling me this – I was still throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation because I couldn’t work out where I’d gone wrong with Harley and why I couldn’t get through to him on any level!

So to hear “You’re a wonderful Mum Fiona” when I was wondering how on earth I could possibly get through another MINUTE was medicinal and so so healing.

But then he died.

I hate that my beautiful mother is own her own. She’s lost the love of her life and her soul mate. Her travelling companion, her best friend, and her other half.

As much as I know my Mum is always there for me and is a pillar of strength , I am consciously aware that no-one is there for her and don’t want to drain her energy reserves either.

She has no-one to offload to at the end of a hard day. No-one to look after her when she’s unwell and no-one to bounce ideas off.

Every single day it kills me that I can’t live nearer to her nor her to us and this is where the sheer size of Australia is annoying to say the least!

Don’t get me wrong here…..I believe that my Dad is in a better place and that everything happens in God’s time, and often for reasons that we don’t yet understand, but right now, I’m just sad for my Mum and hating that I can’t fix it.

I really don’t understand why this is affecting me so much NOW?

I thought I was coping well (?)

Aspie girl, you have my heart…

I decided to dedicate a few posts this week to my other 2 kiddies Ella and Lucas as the main focus of this blog has been on Harley lately.

I have mentioned before that we did start the process of seeking a diagnosis for Ella but stopped because she asked us to. At the moment she appears to be coping wonderfully both academically and socially at school but if in the future we notice a massive change in either of these areas….we will re-evaluate again then and start to explore our options.   

We do however still see a LOT of aspieness in her daily (and she agrees), and I’m comforted by the likes of  Lisa , Laura and  many others by seeing what wonderful and inspirational adults they have grown into despite growing up not knowing why they were they way they were.

I  take GREAT delight in reading these ladies blogs and know that my Ella will definitely grow into another fine adult because diagnosis or not – I will do my darndest to see to it that she is equipped with all the necessary tools to get through life.

I wrote this poem for her whilst i was *supposed* to be listening to the sermon today in church!   :O Um-Ah!

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.

My girl, I’ve watched you standing back,

Observing all the rules,

And learning how to talk and act,

So you’d fit in at school.

~

You copy words, expressions too,

But they are not your own,

‘Cos everything I see you do,

Are diff-er-ent at home.

~

Are you afraid that you won’t be.

Accepted for who you are?

Your wonderful self and personality,

Outshines your peers by far!

~

I’m just so proud to be your Mum,

I love your gentle heart,

I love your quirks and sense of fun,

I have right from the start!

~

So please just know that I am here,

Whenever you need hugs,

I’l comfort you through ALL your fears,

Just because I am in love xxx

Watch this space…I'm just processing some stuff!

My baby Lucas turns 5 in just a couple of months and will be old enough to start school next year.

Actually….he will by law HAVE to start school in 2011, and between you and me….I’m nervous.

Not because I’m dreading the mother-child bond being broken for 6 hours a day, but because I seriously wonder whether or not he’s even ready.

Most people who read this blog would be aware that the majority of my posts are about Harley and how he presents with his brand of autism but have probably noticed that I rarely write much about Lucas.

Well….there are a couple of reasons for that.

Firstly – Harley takes 80% of our time, energy, brain space and motivation that seriously….there’s not a lot left at the end of each day. And frankly….he alone provides more blog fodder than I could possibly get through!

And secondly – because I’m still in a really funny place about Lucas’ diagnosis at all.

He does have an official diagnosis from a paediatrician as “Aspergers Syndrome” but I question that daily even as his own mother.

But don’t get me wrong here….I don’t question that he is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, I just have trouble getting my head around the idea that him and Harley share the same diagnosis.

Yes, yes I know…..it is a HUGE spectrum and no two kids are the same but the way that he and Harley present couldn’t be more opposite so to have the same diagnosis seems rather odd!

I spent months studying Lucas, observing his play and watching his attempts at social interactions trying to convince myself that it was just “learned” behaviour from spending so much time with his big brother but eventually, I had to admit that it really was more than that.

Lucas’ speech delay was enough of a concern to schedule a Paediatrician’s appointment so I thought I may as well “throw the facts out there” and let the Dr take the lead where he wanted to.

He diagnosed him on the spot. He told me that he had been observing him every time I brought Harley in for an appointment and had noticed things even then.

I was surprisingly calm. I think that somewhere deep down, I had already prepared myself for this so reacted accordingly.

He goes for his CATS assessment next week and I have been filling out all the paperwork they sent me in preparation.

There was also a section that I had to get his pre-school to fill out which they did for me last week. They believe that he has aspergers but admit that they really don’t see it a lot. And that’s true. Even I as his mother have to admit that there are times when I don’t see it as clearly as I did with Harley.

I noticed in the report that it contained things such as :

Lucas has minimal verbal communication when playing alongside peers.

Lucas wriggles a lot during story time.

Lucas sometimes needs questions repeated.

Lucas does not initiate conversations .

And they have told me that he doesn’t ever call the teachers by name but instead waits for them to look at him before asking for something.

A friend of mine has reported that she has known him to stand behind her and make vocal noises to get her attention and when he has it, he will then go in for a hug but he won’t approach her.

He stands “beside” the other kids but appears completely oblivious to them during play. He has NO concept of sharing, turn taking or waiting and sometimes I can’t even get his attention unless I physically touch him on the arm. He quite often seems to be in daydreamland.

Another big thing I noticed when I read the pre-school form was that a lot of the multiple choice questions  in the survey were answered in a completely opposite way to how I would have answered them in the home environment.

So this shows me that he is very different in the home to what he is at pre-school.

That’s high functioning if you asked me.

They wrote that there was no indication of a delay in receptive language but that there was a significant expressive delay.

But when he had a full report done by his speech therapist last year, she found that when using the OWLs –Listening Comprehension Scale that he only scored 16 and the normal range for his age group should be 16 to 85,  and the expressive result was only 10 (16 to 85 being the average range again).

So I’m really confused now and don’t know which way is up!

I see it then I don’t see it than I do again and around and around in circles!

I have never once, not-even-one-day doubted Harley’s diagnosis since day dot. I knew from when he was a baby that something was very different about him, but Lucas…..I JUST DON’T KNOW!

* I convince myself that Lucas is just quirky and then I catch him lining up his cars in colour order.

* I tell myself that it’s just a speech delay and then I hear him counting to himself while he paces around the room.

And sometimes when I am sure that he is just “copying” his brother…..I notice him being perfectly calm during one of Harley’s epic meltdowns but then half an hour later he is in hysterics himself because I gave him a drink in the wrong cup!

I think I need to just switch my brain off indefinitely!

Or at least until I get the result from his assessment!

Watch this space …..

A night of fun.

My girl being the centre of attention at her party.

Anyone wonder where she got THAT from?

 

Busy and tired!

So, it’s been a wild week in the Madhouse.

I’ve been crazy busy and waiting for this ride to stop so I can step off!

 If you write a blog and I’m subscribed to it…..please know that I probably haven’t read it yet but I will hopefully get around to it soon.

Erm….sorry!

 I’ve also got 142 unread emails in my inbox. Yes… 142!!!

It’s due to my computer developing a problem with syncing my emails to my iPad and iPhone, so if you’ve written to me and I haven’t responded…..I’m not ignoring you. I just have had to wait until we can fix this glitch.

 Ugh!

 As a result of this : I have so much to write about, it’s hard to know where to start so instead of trying to write about it all, I will just list a few things in point form!

•  The school that Ella and Harley go to, have asked me to get a cognitive and educational assessment for Harley.

 Basically…..we need to discover his potential and ability and get his results to match that!

Now all of you long time readers will attest that  I’ve whinged before about the OT that he had last year and what a complete waste of time and money that she was.

Well guess what? I have finally gotten rid of her! And on Wednesday, Harley started with a brand new OT who specialises in Functioning OT.     So far, I’m really impressed!  She did a motor assessment on Harley and has told me that she has observed a LOT that she needs to work on with him.

I’m not surprised by this because the previous OT was hell-bent on the sensory stuff (which is also important) but she rarely did anything to help him with his writing and fine motor skills.

As a result, his writing is now at a 4year old child’s level and he is turning 8 in a few months.

Ho Hum.

 She also told me that she is going to enjoy working with ‘ME’. (My humour – or rather my ‘sarcasm’ must have appealed to her!)

•   Lucas’ early intervention pre-school has just called me to advise me that there is a place for him to start OT with one of their therapists (who is awesome) so I’m VERY excited about that too!

He is coming in leaps and bounds with his speech but he really struggles with motor skills and has huge sensory needs.

•  The kid’s school has also asked me to get an assessment for Lucas before they will even consider interviewing us for enrolment for next year. I partly understand where they are coming from, but I am also annoyed because I (naively) assumed that he would be instantly accepted because the older two kids go there! Not so….. But he has his assessment on the 29th of this month so I will have to wait and see how that pans out.

 

• Ella turned 11 on Thursday! I can hardly believe that my girl no longer looks like this:

 

•  My mum is down at the moment and she helped us celebrate Ella’s birthday.

Last night – We took Ella and 5 friends to a Pizza place for dinner and then to the movies. It was a fabulous night and I was thrilled to see her so happy! School has been shocking for her up until last year as she has been mercilessly bullied by a group of girls that thankfully are no longer part of the crowd she associates with. So for me – it’s exciting that she is finally fitting in!

•  Today we had a “family” party for her with Mr Patient’s Mum coming over and with my Mum still being here we all went to play Mini golf. Ella’s BFF *Emma came with us too as she slept over after the movies last night.

Golf was wonderful! And we were pleased with how well the boys coped with it all, so we all decided to go out and have morning tea at a local coffee shop afterwards.

Wel….it seemed like a good idea at the time!  We hadn’t taken into consideration all the sensory overload that the golf centre had provided and the many different people that he had to come into contact with.

Unfortunately it didn’t take long after we sat down for Harley to start to lose his composure and the wheels started to fall off in a BIG way

Thankfully – I keep a black pashmina in my handbag most of the time so I quickly wrapped it around his shoulders and draped it down over his head, gave him my phone to play with, and he sat in his little blackened cocoon and we were able to get him down reasonably quickly.

Afterwards when we got home for lunch and fired up the BBQ,  I patted myself on the back, SO PROUD of myself for being such a great mother and handling the situation so well. However……Harley sat down on the rug to play with one of his Sonic toys and when the leg broke off……ALL-HELL-BROKE-LOOSE!!!!

 The poor child screamed, thrashed, cried and rocked for almost 45 minutes.

And the ONLY thing we could do was wait it out. NOTHING was working. All the things that usually work weren’t working either.  We tried wrapping him, giving him his teddy, carrying him to a quiet room, and holding him tight whispering “shhhh” but they were all useless!

 None of us knew what to do as it took all of us by surprise because we didn’t recognise the warning signs (which in hindsight was the mini meltdown in the coffee shop) and we had wrongly assumed that by the time we got home again, the worst of it was over!

It hadn’t occured to me that it was only a bandaid solution and that there was a LOT more to come.

It absolutely broke my heart to see him so emotionally distraught and completely non-verbal except for the grunting, yelling and sobbing, and I think Ella’s friend *Emma got a bit of a rude shock seeing him in full swing.

 She knows he has autism but I think that this is the first real dose of our reality that she has experienced.

 I HATED feeling so disconnected from Harley and unable to soothe him at all. It was a dreadful and heart -wrenching feeling of faliure for this mother, but at least I have now made a mental note to observe him closer and recognise the signs sooner so that it doesn’t reach that level of explosiveness again!

Another lessoned learned!

Anyway, my main goals for this week are to catch up on my emails and blog reading- but I have to be honest: I’m really not liking my chances of that happening because my Mum is still here for another few days and I would choose spending time with her over ANYTHING else in my life right now!

Haha!

Ave a good weekend peoples,

 Luv yous all!

The difference between baby number one and subsequent siblings!

Do you know what really amuses me?

The massive difference in how you are with your last child as opposed to your first!

I’m not exactly a seasoned mother myself being that my eldest is only 11 and I’m sure that parents of teenagers laugh at me in much the same way I smile smugly whenever I see a “new” mum out in public.

You know…..the ones with the MASSIVE nappy bag and the 6 dozen spare outfits and the fancy  brand name pram and the tell-tale dark circles under her eyes!

I look back at when I was a first time mother with Ella and giggle.

When she was born , I had typical first time Mum angst!

Here are some amusing scenarios outlining the differences between how I was with my baby number 1 compared to my baby number 3.

*Baby’s dummy falls on the ground……

Baby number 1: IMMEDIATELY confiscate it and replace with a new one that’s been stored in a container that’s ALSO sterilised.

Baby number 2: Wash it with bottled water and return to baby’s mouth.

Baby number 3: Say “Ah, she’ll be right mate”, you blow on it and return to the baby’s mouth.

Baby has a sniffle……

Baby number 1: Rush straight to the emergency department and demand they test your baby for meningococcal disease.

Baby number 2:  Make sure you have a supply of tissues on you at all times and if it continues for more than a few days, make an appointment with the GP “just in case”.

Baby number 3: What’s a Doctor? Give your child an antihistamine medicine that dries up runny noses and send them to pre-school anyway. After all….you NEED a break!

Baby has a wet *nappy whilst you’re out…..

Baby number 1: Change them straight away. If there is a tiny bit of wee on the outfit as well, change the entire outfit. Baby has to look lovely at all times. Continue to check and change them every hour throughout the day.

Baby number 2: Wait until you get home from the shopping centre. It won’t kill them to stay wet for another ten minutes. Isn’t that what disposable nappies with their “draw away from the skin liners” are for?

Baby number 3: Wet Nappy! Ah well…..at least it’s not pooey! Leave them in it until the next nappy change. Who’s got the time to change EVERY wee!

Your Toddler wakes up and calls for you from their cot in the morning to let you know they’re awake.….

Toddler number 1: You rush in there and cover them, with kisses and cuddles and tell them how much you missed them through the night!

Toddler number 2: You call out “Be there in a minute” and go and make a coffee first!

Toddler number 3: You see how long you can actually get away with calling out to them from YOUR OWN bed  “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming” until they give up and climb out themselves or an older sibling lifts them out for you!

You notice your toddler fighting over a toy at playgroup with someone else’s child…..

Toddler number 1: Immediately go and gently remove the toy from your child’s grasp all the while explaining to them that “It’s not nice to take other children’s toys” and lecture them on the social rules of sharing. Then find the other child’s mother and apologise profusely.

Toddler number 2: Sit back and watch for a bit to see if the situation will eventually work itself out.

Toddler number 3: Notice it?? You’ve got your back turned to your child and you are too engrossed in the “I’m more tired than you are” conversations that you are having with the other mothers! And if the other child’s mother finds you to inform you that your child is being unkind to their child, you ask them who started it first and explain that “he’s got 2 older siblings, he’s used to having to fight for his rights”!

You’re out and it’s lunch-time and you forgot to bring your toddler’s sandwich with you….

Baby number 1: Go to a café and order a whole grain sandwich with cheese on it and a side of milk or watered down juice. Ask the staff to cut the crusts off and make it into triangles NOT squares.  Make sure you give them a piece of fruit or yoghurt when you get home to balance it out.

Baby number 2: But a cheese and bacon bun at a bakery.

Baby number 3: “what was that honey….you want that chocolate doughnut? (shut-up spell check…I’m Australian)  And a side of fries followed by a coke?…Sure…..just don’t tell Daddy ok?” Then let them eat it in the pram while you continue to walk around the shopping centre!

Your child says something rude very LOUDLY in a shopping centre…..

Child number 1: Correct them VERY publicly. You don’t want any passers-by thinking you are a bad mother! Make it clear that you are on top of this unacceptable behaviour!

Child number 2: Repeat what they really said with what you’d have preferred them to have said. ie “What was that honey, you’ve finished it?” (Sh*t)

Child number 3:  Look around and say: “Does anyone know where this child’s mother is? “ And roll your eyes for effect.  Then offer to take them to Centre management so an announcement can be made for the child’s parent to claim their lost child.

And do you know the worst part about all of this…..?

These are all absolutely 100% TRUE scenarios from my own parenting experiences..

Aren’t I just a fab-o mother! LOL!

Ella (child number 1) eating her healthy orange segments and wholewheat sandwiches. Notice the clean bib.

That's right Harley (child number 2) get that gluten laden chinese food into you coeliac belly!

What was that Lucas ? (child number 3) You want chocolate for breakfast?....Sure!

 

*And just to clear up any confusion :

Here in Australia, we call a crib a cot, a pushchair or buggy a pram or stroller, a pacifier a dummy and a diaper a nappy.)

 

 

The rude salesman and the fiery woman.

Our bedroom window already has shutters.

This morning we had a shutter salesman in the house.

He was filling in some paperwork for a quote he was giving us for some work we need done, and he asked Mr Patient what he did for a living so he could write it down on his quote sheet.

Next he asked me what I did and without missing a beat, I replied with a straight face “I’m a carer”.

He rolled his eyes and scoffed and said “That’s just a fancy word for a mother isn’t it?  You liberated women crack me up” and he chuckled looking to Mr Patient for support.

Mr Patient shook his head at him and looked at me with a huge grin because he knew he had a front row seat for what could have possibly turned into the biggest  Mother-goes-ballistic-and-gives-the-tradesman-a-black-eye-and-a-tongue- lashing event of the decade.

I thought he had pushed my buttons deliberately so I chose to shrug off his insensitive comments. I certainly wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten to me.

“No”. I replied with the steadiest voice I could muster.

“My two sons have autism and they need someone who can give them the extra time and care that they require. For me, this is a full-time job and I can’t imagine having to work outside the home on top of this”.

I expected him to feel sheepish by this and apologise.

I was wrong.

He laughed and said (brace yourselves) “Ha! , They look normal to me, they don’t look like there’s anything wrong with them. They don’t need “extra care”.
(As he did the air quotations with his fingers).

I took a deep breath and Mr Patient put his hand around my waist protectively (though I doubt he would have been able to hold me back if I did decide to punch this rude man).

“Well” I said through gritted teeth, “You must be pretty clever being able to tell that from the 30 seconds you have seen them”

” The team of pediatricians and therapists weren’t that quick” I added sarcastically.

“And….what exactly ‘should’ autism look like?….And define normal would you please”?

He shifted his feet uncomfortably and laughed nervously….

“Well…..umm…you see…..” he trailed off uncomfortably.

“Exactly” I answered triumphantly. I had him right where I wanted him.

At this point I left the room and left Mr Patient deal with him.

I’d had enough and wasn’t in the mood for it.

* In case you’re wondering…..no we didn’t give him any business. He was a slime ball who took his original quote down from $4,600 to just $1800 in an attempt to get us to sign up today on the spot.

Which just proves that they had a helluva lot of room to move in the first place.

I really hate these tactics. You know the “I’ve just gotta phone my boss and see what he says” stalling technique. And the back and forth banter over price, calling his “boss” each time a number is given.

(His boss is probably just a friend or an acquaintance being the other person on the other end of the line).

I don’t understand why they can’t just give us their best price from the get-go.

To me, it’s not clever sales techniques. It’s lying and deceptive and makes me feel sorry for those that don’t realise their game and end up paying full price.

These guys are nasty preying sharks.

But what this guy didn’t know was that Mr Patient has worked in the car wholesale game for over 20 years and knows all these tactics even though he’s always worked on the business management side of things not sales.

And he played him well and good.

He acted the naive trusting customer part so well that he even had ME convinced. –  That’s another reason I left the room!

Mr Patient told me after the guy left that as soon as he insulted me, Mr Patient had already decided not to go ahead with him but that he wanted to waste his time in much the same way he had wasted ours so he played him!

(See why I LOVE this man!)  ;)

But the events of this morning did get me thinking……

***

Is this what the general public also think?

Do parents of typical kids think that we blow this “autism thing” all out of proportion just for a dash of sympathy?

Do we all come across as attention grabbing headliners who need to be validated?

Because believe me…..I would swap my children’s autism in a heartbeat if I knew it would make their lives easier and that the general public would be kinder to them and their families.

I love my children and their autism is part of them. And they are amazing just.as.they.are.

Autism is not a personality or design fault. It is not something that makes them defective.

I accept that it’s a difference not “something wrong with them that needs fixing” and if you think that we do blow this all into something bigger than it is….come and live here for a week and see if you still feel the same way.

Rant over.

A smile from ear to ear …

Tonight we had “meet the teachers” night at the kids school.

It.was.awesome.

There have been a change of plans and Harley now has a new teacher.
(Actually….he has TWO new teachers )

The teacher that he has had all this past week is going to have the class for some of the week ….she is fantastic. (Harley LOVES her) and for the bigger part of the week he is going to have an amazing woman that he had for only ONE day last year as a casual and she was so fabulous, she inspired me to write this post..

That’s right….I love her so much that I simply HAD to thank her via my blog

I mentioned in that post that I met her for the first time through a mutual friend before I even knew she taught at the school and I knew I loved her the first time I met her.

She is ALWAYS smiling and compassionate and loving to all children.

After the announcement was made and the parents were ‘dismissed’ , she came and gave me a hug and told me that she was concerned how all this was going to affect Harley and promised to make this an unforgettable year for him.

I had tears!

I came home and told Harley and he threw himself all over the house whooping and hollering and happy dancing

And here’s the kicker ……  She has a child with a special need herself

I can’t believe how blessed we are. Things are looking up in the Madhouse….

The Still Small Voice (via Alienhippy's Blog)

This poem by my wonderful friend Lisa describes EXACTLY how I’m feeling right now.

She has a real gift for poetry and her softness and gentleness are evident in this beautiful poem.

Enjoy …

The Still Small Voice by Lisa Lock I wish I wasn't so intense Because it causes so much stress My thoughts and feelings pour from me Then I'm left in one big mess Not knowing if I've said too much Or worded it the right way I know I'm honest and speak my truth But do I always have to say What's on my heart and in my head Can't I just not care inst … Read More

via Alienhippy's Blog

Exhaling and trusting :)

Well, I am finally feeling like I can exhale for the first time today.

One of my children is involved in a horrible situation that unfortunately I’m not able to elaborate on here as much as I want to write it out and express my pain, my hurt and my anger.

Writing is cathartic for me and it helps me enormously to process my thought patterns but alas, that won’t be happening on my blog. 

I will have to find another medium for this.

No, none of my darlings are in trouble with the law, none of them have run away from home and none of them are sick. 

And in case you’re wondering…..none of them have done anything wrong but they were wronged.

All I can say is that the situation is sticky, it is ugly and it is unfair.

But so is life.

I have had some amazing support from those that are aware of what’s been going on and I can’t thank you all enough.

It could take a while.

It might be days, it might be weeks and (God forbid) it might take months.

I am hopeful, I am trusting that God will step in and I’m believing for a miracle.

So if you’re wondering where I am…I am happy, I am relaxed , I am calm and I am not stressed…..But I will be laying low for a few days until things return to “our version of” normal.

Fi

Oh….and if you are one of the people that DO know….please don’t refer to it in any comments you might leave.

Cheers x

A family of fluff

Today, I gave Harley’s room a bit of a spring clean so it’s in order before he starts school for the year tomorrow morning.

I was tidying his shelf of teddy bears and for the first time, I actually realised that I think I know where my kids get their love of plush toys from.

Here in clockwise order we have:

Daddy’s childhood teddy: “Mr T.”

Mummy’s childhood teddy: “Teddy”

Harley’s teddy: “Bo”

Ella’s blue floppy puppy: “Bluey”

And Lucas’ sheep:“Lambie”.

What a lovely family of fluff!

Just because….

Ok….so you may as well all know.
I actually have 2 blogs, my other one is for my poetry and where I write down anything big that God has shown me in my life and this poem was intended for this other blog but I accidentally posted it on madhouse by mistake!!
I figured that since it would have already gone through to all my subscribers emails that I would just leave it on here anyway .

This is me, love me or don’t
..
Lord – you are with us, watching as we sleep,
You speak your words of wisdom through our dreams,
You tell us that we’re strong even when we feel so weak,
And that things are often better than they seem.
.
For what has been intended to rip us all apart,
Is just a little scuffle to You Lord,
There’s nothing that can harm us because you’re in our hearts,
And there’s victory’s in the power of your word.
.
You know what’s going to happen next, for you it’s not a shock,
You’ve seen it all before it even was,
I trust in you because I know you are a sturdy rock,
And my hiding place in rough times….just because …