5 Things they rarely tell you about weight loss.

Last Christmas, a friend posted some photos on Facebook that were taken at a Christmas party that we both attended and tagged me in them and I was absolutely mortified to say the least.

They were actually really great pics but they alerted me to an ugly truth that I had been avoiding for quite some time.

I was overweight.

The picture that started it all....

Of course I already knew that, but until I saw these photos – I didn’t realise just how bad I had let it get. I thought I had maybe gained 2 or 3 kilos but in reality it turned out to be a whopping 15 kilos.

Ugh…

I cried and cried for about an hour that day and decided that it had reached a point where I could either a) keep getting heavier and heavier and more and more depressed or I could b) do something about it.

I chose the latter and set my mind on achieving my goal.

After my Dad passed away a few years ago – I plunged into a deep depression and self medicated with food.

I spent years telling myself that I was too busy and tired and that I couldn’t afford to do anything about it. I also told myself that because I am raising autistic children that they are the most important thing in my life and that looking after myself wasn’t a priority.  I was meticulous with their diets but paid no attention to my own.

But after I saw those photos, I was confronted with reality and it finally dawned on me that if I didn’t take care of myself (the carer) – then eventually I would end up in no condition to care for my children.

I was chock-full of excuses because deep down I knew that the truth was: I really couldn’t be bothered.

But that was then and this time I was determined.

So did I do it?

Did  I lose the weight?

I sure did! And as of today – I am 17 kilos lighter and back below my ideal weight. In fact – I’m actually wearing a smaller dress size than I was BEFORE I had children!

I know it's very posey but it's the best that we could get!

And I learned some really interesting things about myself during the past 8 months and was surprised that no-one ever really talks about these things.

I compiled them into this post and thought I’d share my personal lightbulb moments with you.

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1. Losing weight won’t change who you are.

Put simply – if you don’t love yourself before you lose weight – that won’t magically change after.

I always thought that once I reached my ideal weight that I’d instantly be happy and things would just fall into place. I thought that the little things about me that I despised wouldn’t bother me once I lost the weight.

Not so. In fact, things that aren’t dealt with and were possible triggers for the initial weight gain actually get magnified after you lose the weight because you are forced to admit that they still exist despite your reflection changing.

For me – a lot of my gain was due to emotional overeating and not coping or dealing with my stress.

Losing weight didn’t magically make my struggles disappear – I still have to live with autism every.single.day and I still have days where I want to throw myself in front of a bus, but I have learned new ways to deal with them instead of eating. I now view my hurdles in a different light because I feel better about myself and am now able to do that.

And while I’m on this subject – what’s with those people in your life that suddenly start acknowledging you once you’re thinner. Like you were invisible before hand?  I don’t get that. I didn’t change but somehow became more socially acceptable?

Okaaaaayy!???

~

2. The only person you should lose weight for is yourself.

That’s right. Just for yourself. Not for anyone else.

One of my biggest hurdles was that my husband always told me that he loved me regardless of what I weighed. And because of this – I wasn’t motivated to do anything about it.

See....he loved me even when I was overweight.

I had to make the choice to do it because I wanted to feel better about myself.

And to be frank – any boyfriend/partner/husband that truly loves you won’t threaten to leave you if you don’t lose weight.  And they won’t deliberately eat banned foods in front of you or taunt you if you slip up. If you are losing weight just to keep them happy – you are doing it for the wrong reasons and once you lose it, they will find something else to pick on.

A supportive partner will encourage you, praise your successes and comfort you when you fail.

 And I am speaking from experience here. I had a boyfriend for 2 years who frequently told me I was an elephant. He always pointed out girls on the street who were smaller than me and told me that I needed to look like them in order to be appear more attractive to him.  He snorted like a pig every time I would put anything that wasn’t a vegetable or salad item into my mouth and made the beep beep noise of a reversing truck every time that I stepped backwards.

And the interesting thing…..I was smaller than my husband has ever seen me at the time that he was taunting me. Smaller than I am now….Pffftt.

No wonder I had “issues” with my weight for years.

~

3. Chocolate is NOT the enemy.

 Yep – you read that correctly, chocolate is NOT the enemy. In fact – no single food is. It is eating an excess of any food that does you in.

I still eat chocolate pretty much every day.

Yes…..every day. But I don’t eat any more than about 15-20g and I savour it.

I noticed that whenever I would deny myself of something  – it would only make me crave it MORE and I would either give into the craving and over indulge and then beat myself up about it, or get filled with resentment at everything that I was missing out on.

Not only have I had to learn about portion control but I’ve had to alter my buying habits to make this possible.   I STILL can’t buy a whole block of chocolate and tell myself that I’m only allowed 2 or 3 squares a night. Because once that block is open – I will more than likely tell myself that it’s ok to have just one more piece. And another. And another.

And we all know where that leads.

Guilt….then more emotional/guilt eating…..more weight gain….then more depression. It’s a vicious cycle.

And I can’t buy those family share packs with 12 individually wrapped bars in them either because I am unable to stop at one.

I buy very small chocolate bars and I buy them one at a time.

The smallest bar size possible and I enjoy every.single.bite.

~

4. Not everybody in your life will support you.

This was a tough one for me to learn.

It had honestly never occurred to me that some friends are threatened when you start to shed kilos. Maybe they’re jealous or maybe it’s more than that.

Maybe it’s because you’re no longer the “fat friend” that they could rely on to make them feel better about themselves?  I was often the one that people would deliberately stand next to in photographs because they ALWAYS looked better compared to me and they were the friends who were never 100% honest with me in the first place.

They were the friends who often told me that I looked “fine” and that they didn’t think I needed to lose any weight to my face but would then talk about me behind my back when they didn’t realise I could hear them.

And then they are the exact same friends that try to sabotage you when you start your weight loss journey by showing up on your doorstep with cakes, and other yummy things that they know you struggle to say no to.

And also the friends that not even once congratulate you when you do eventually drop the extra weight.

Nobody needs friends like this in their lives.

They are toxic.

~

5. There is no perfect weight or dress size.

It is different for everyone. I have finally realised that I could starve myself and spend every waking moment at the gym and still probably never be an Australian size 6 – 8.

And now I’m ok with that.

It’s not in my genes for a start, I’m not built that way and I have a frame and height that could never support that.

And if I ever did get down to an 6 – 8, I wouldn’t be able to maintain it without ending up resenting everyone and everything because the sacrifices I’d have to make to stay there would be mammoth.

And the old adage that we can’t all be supermodels is so true.  If I had a personal chef, a personal trainer, a full-time nanny and a dietician on staff I’m sure that I could get there but that’s simply not (or will ever be) my reality so I can give myself a break!

So…what are some of the weight loss myths or stories that you have to tell me about?
I can’t wait to hear them  :)

Is coffee really the answer?

If you read this blog regularly, you would know that coffee is one incredibly big crutch in my life. It is usually the first thing that I look for upon waking in the morning and something that I crave many MANY times throughout the day.   

Yes….I do believe that I am addicted and I also believe that it’s going to be quite a large hurdle for me to overcome but understanding the “Why” of my excess caffeine consumption may be the key to understanding my somewhat insatiable desire to pump myself full of the toxic liquid daily.

I noticed something very interesting today as I reached for my 5th cup at only 10am.

I realised that there is a very obvious link between emotions and coffee with me.  I guess you could say that it is a similar response to that of emotional eating.

I have been incredibly down for the past few days and spent a couple of hours this morning talking to Mr Patient about it. I sat with him in the sunshine on our front lawn and watched the neighbourhood children riding their scooters and bikes and kicking footballs in the cul-de-sac.

The next-door neighbours were hosting a BBQ (a frequent occurrence that we have NEVER been invited to) and had several cars in their driveway and we could hear the laughter and fun emanating from their backyard.

So….where were our children?

Inside.

With all the blinds closed and the heater on. One was on the laptop. One was on my iPad and the other was on his Nintendo DS. None of them were interested in socialising with the neighbour’s kids and none of them cared to leave the sanctuary of the house.

We realised that we were actually enabling them by allowing this to go on so we made a decision to go and turn all of them off and make them do outside to enjoy the beautiful day that God had given. The tears, tantrums and moaning started and we were told repeatedly that we were “horrible parents” and that we are “SO mean”. Harley even chipped in with “When I grow up and have kids – I’m NEVER going to be THIS awful to them!”.

Cue parental eye rolling.

Part of the conversation that I had with Mr Patient earlier included me asking him what he envisioned weekends would be like when we had a family. His response was surprisingly very similar to what mine was. It included: taking the kids to their various sporting activities, maybe going on picnics, spending it with other families or going for drives to sight see or visit friends.

But of course-our reality is VERY different.

Sure – we could do these things. We COULD arrange something fun every other weekend but we both know that whenever we have ventured out of the “norm” that we pay for it severely over the following days.

Our kids HATE socialising, we don’t have any “family friends” (meaning other families that we socialise with) – they’ve all moved away, and we are not involved in anything that could introduce us to new people therefore allowing for invitations. Sporting events usually end in tears because most ASD kids simply don’t possess the ability to handle losing. We have spent countless hours trying to teach this foreign concept to the boys with limited success because to them – failure is a blemish on their incredibly high self-standards and perfectionistic natures.

Going to church on Sundays is such a major melodrama that it hardly seems worth the hassle and the aftermath of taking our children anywhere different is always so explosive and ridiculously hard that it’s easier to just stay in our little autism bubble and keep to ourselves.

Sounds great right? Just stay home and it will all be fine and dandy?

Well – yes it’s easier on the children and causes less dramas but it’s absolutely KILLING me. I get so depressed when I hear other people recount their weekend activities to other friends and hear about the exciting things that have planned for the upcoming one.

The stories about their adventures and social gatherings that were spontaneously organised.

My weekends are always exactly the same.

Housework. Refereeing sibling arguments, housework, figuring out reasons for meltdowns, housework and trying to keep the peace amongst children that can’t seem to co-exist in the same 4 walls, and you guessed it…more housework.

Surely this isn’t as good as it gets?

Is it?

But back to the caffeine/emotions link.

This afternoon, right after we took the electronics off the children and arranged for us all to go for a walk in the sunshine, and the tears flowed and the anger surfaced – I reached for my favourite coffee mug.

As soon as that hot black strong espresso shot was making it’s way down my throat, I instantly felt the rush of adrenaline that it provided and was ready to tackle the meltdown head on.

I carried Lucas to his bedroom and Harley to his and told them both that crying wasn’t going to fix anything and that I wasn’t going to change my mind. The crying eventually subsided and they dressed themselves (well …kinda!) and as a reward for myself, I went and pushed the button on the coffee machine to deliver another shot of emotional comfort.

I was just about to put it to my lips when I suddenly remembered something that I had read years earlier. It came back to me as clear as a bell and it knocked me for six. The phrase that I had remembered related to the link between emotional eating and weight gain,:

“The worst part about emotional eating is it actually causes your problems to multiply. Eventually, instead of avoiding the issues you’re stuffing down with food, you’ve created another one altogether — weight gain, guilt about eating, worsening health … and then it starts all over again.”

I stopped dead in my tracks as I realised that I was self-medicating with caffeine. And the bigger problems that it creates are: headaches, irritability, heart palpitations, mood swings and dehydration to name just a few.

I didn’t particularly “need” that cup of coffee. Sure-I still love the taste and I do believe that I am very much addicted, but the bigger problem is that I usually just drink it to avoid dealing with what is really upsetting me at the time.

It gives me a rush of control that I desperately crave and takes my mind away from whatever drama is unfolding at the time.

I noticed that I rarely drink it when I’m home alone on Lucas’ pre-school days and I drink the most coffee before and after school and on weekends.

And what is usually the thing that upsets me is the perceived loss of “who I am” and “what I think I need to feel happy”.

The sheer stress of the constant tears, meltdowns, fighting, complaining and rigid/frantically obsessive behaviour that the boys exhibit just makes me want to poke my eyeballs out.

But of course it’s much easier to press the espresso button on the coffee machine than it is to endure the excruciating pain that one would experience with the poking out of ones eyeballs! Not to mention the inconvenience of not being able to actually SEE the melodramas unfolding

Ok….Link recognised and understanding established. I just need to figure out the best way to tackle this one.

.

Oh , who am I kidding! – it’s all too hard…. now -where did I leave that damn coffee mug?…….

Why I told my son to stay away from nerds.

Yes that’s right….I have told my child to stay away from nerds.  

Before you start thinking that I’m a horribly judgemental and awful parent – let me explain…

Firstly…my son is a bit of a nerd himself. He regularly spouts out monologues about his current favourite aircraft or favourite Ben 10 alien or something else equally inane.

And I tell Mr Patient all the time that he is also more-than-a-bit of a bit of a nerd himself!

I mean: his ever growing star wars Lego collection, his fascination with car makes and models, his love of all things related to science fiction, computers or technology is only a small snippet of why I think this!

B-O-R-I-N-G!

But no, these are still not the types of nerds that I am referring to.

I’m talking about these suckers…

⬇

Harley’s teacher made a bee-line for me after school today because she was quite upset that another child had bought Harley a packet of nerds at the school canteen at lunchtime and that he had eaten the whole entire packet.

She wanted me to know how sorry she was for his consequent behaviour issues and that she had spoken to the other child and told them that they are NOT to buy things for other children ever again.

I assured her that I wasn’t upset with her and told her that Harley is getting to the age where he needs to take some responsibility as well! He is almost 8 and he knows that he isn’t allowed to eat something that’s THIS chock full of preservatives and colours!

The teacher was still not convinced that I was ok and then I saw him with my own eyes.

It.was.hilarious!

He had glazed over eyes and alternated between dazed out and hyperactive.

He ran and ran and ran and ran some more!

He yelled out a quick “Hi Mum” as he tore past me for the gazillionth time throwing his school bag in my general direction.

I laughed…I mean…. What else could I do?

Some kids are fine with food colourings in high doses…whereas others (like my boy) are definitely NOT!

And just because I’m a caring, sharing kinda gal…. Here’s a quick video of Harley taken minutes after we walked in the door this afternoon. (Of course Lucas had to copy his brother too…)

…

…

We’ve now been home for almost 2 hours and he’s still running!

Which is flipping FANTASTIC!

Not.

So…how did the party go???

I’m absolutely gushing with pride here! There is one happy Mama in this here house!

Not only did Harley do GREAT at the party tonight, he amazed me beyond anything that I could have imagined!

I arrived early and after clearing it first with the host Mum, I walked him around the house showing him where things were and acclimatised him with the environment.

One of the first things that I noticed though, was the food table full of fairy bread, chips, lollies and cupcakes……EEEEeeeeekkK!

I chided myself for forgetting all about bringing gluten-free food for him. It was really strange that I’d forgotten it too because I’d covered every other possible scenario with him!

I’d told him that there would be lots of kids, loud music and flashing lights.  I prepared him for the possibility of his head getting (what he calls crowded) and his excitement wasn’t even slightly dulled even after I’d given him the worst-case scenario!

After about ten minutes, I told him that I had to leave for a little while and I handed the mother his headphones and my mobile number then left to go and buy some dinner for myself and Ella and Lucas. (Mr Patient is still at work so they had to come too).

When we returned Harley came running up to me and told me that he was having the BEST time.

I asked him what he’d eaten (so I could prepare myself for the onslaught tomorrow!) and he answered: “ I only ate the gummy bears, the sour worms and the cheezels because I know that these are the only gluten-free things here!”

I was THRILLED!, He has learnt what  he can and can’t eat! WOOHOOOOOOO!

(There is a little gluten in the cheezels but he wouldn’t have known that because the ones I buy are gluten-free J )

*Sienna’s Mum told me that she offered him a sausage sandwich for dinner and he told her that he only wanted the sausage because he can’t eat bread!

My mouth fell open in disbelief!!!

And the final kicker….there was a choice of birthday cake or ice-cream cake and Harley chose the ice-cream cake because HE KNEW that there was gluten in regular cake!!!!

I can’t tell you how excited this makes me! All the hard work I have put into him trying to convince him that it is for his own good that he eats gluten-free…..HAS WORKED!!!!

I think back to the horrendous fights I used to have with him when I first started him on this diet….the crying, the whining, the negotiating…UGH…..it was AWFUL! But he has now learnt what makes him feel good and what doesn’t!

And the BEST part of the night?……*Sienna’s mother told me that he was one of the only children who used their pleases and thankyous and excuse mes…….

Yep…I’m grinning from ear to ear

Never sick….

I’m all outta words. (Rare I know!)

So instead of trying to make up some pointless dribble to fill a page….I’ve decided to share three photos of Harley as a baby building up his immunity!

And yes. He still eats dirt.

And sometimes soap, he sucks his fingers, and his arms, and licks inedible things, AND people, AND furniture *rolls eyes*

Sensory issues anyone?  :lol:

How to get your kids to eat veggies…..

Ok, so that was a trick heading…..

Truth is…..there isn’t a way .

Not in this house anyway.

The only way my kids eat them ….is if I manage to get away with hiding them in their meal.

Like the time I cooked spaghetti bolognaise with vegetable juice added to the tomatoes.

Or the time I crafted home-made chicken nuggets from scratch and added puree squash and peeled zucchini (courgette) to the mix. (The breadcrumbs hide any tell-tale signs of the nasty “v” word!

And not forgetting the countless times that I have served them mini pizzas that I made myself and spread them with a mix of puree tomatoes, capsicum (red pepper) and onion (and just enough tomato sauce (ketchup) to hide the taste of the capsicum!

They still to this day think that they are only being made to eat a Hawaiian pizza. Cheese, ham and pineapple

I have spent 10 years now trying to allure them by steaming, roasting, stir-frying and  char-grilling every type, every colour and every variety of vegetable that exists.

All of these methods are commonly used in menus all over the world to entice diners into ordering the tasty dish that they are served with.

But not kids.

Uh uh.

So….what to do?

Well, I went to a dietician years ago who told me not to worry about it.

Um, excuse me???? I hear you ask?

Yep. Forget about it. Don’t force it, don’t belabour the point and as long as your child is growing steadily and reasonably healthy, it’s not a problem.

Fruit.

She told me fruit is the secret weapon.

Ooooh…kayyy? I answered slowly…..( secretly scanning the room for a quick escape route and thinking she had seriously lost her marbles).

I mean…..all the do-gooder magazine articles and countless healthy living books out there tell you that fruit contains too much sugar. And isn’t sugar what we’re supposed to be weaning our little ones OFF???

Well…Yes,AND no, she answered.

Yes, it’s not good for a child’s diet to consist ONLY of fruit, (tooth decay, obesity etc etc), it’s also an often overlooked source of nutrition and vitamins for them.

She told me that as long as my children were eating from all the other food groups, (whole-grains, cereals, etc etc) then eventually it will all even out in the wash.

She told me to introduce them to those fruits that hinge on the border between fruits and vegetables like avocado and tomatoes and that eating your typical plate of meat and 3 veg is not necessarily what she means.

She applauded my efforts in making my own tomato paste sauces with REAL tomatoes and rewarded me with an excited YES! when I described the avocado (guacamole type) dip I make with just avocado, garlic , lemon juice and a DAB of sour cream.

She explained that these are the ways that children eat vegetables in the way they are designed to be enjoyed.

Not with all the preservatives, additives and processed junk that is in store-bought convenience foods these days.

Now……I am definitely NOT a cook. In fact, not only do I not enjoy it, I would even go so far as to say that I literally CANNOT STAND cooking!

But I do it. I do it because a) we have to eat and b) it’s ACTUALLY cheaper in the long run and with all the food intolerances that are rife in my family – it’s easier too.

Tonight we had a simple meal.

Actually……Let me SHOW you,

See this here chicken?

Ten bucks already cooked at the supermarket , Five bucks if you buy it frozen and roast it yourself.  Me - I already told you I loathe un-necessary cooking!

Well…..cut it up, whack it on a plate with various colourful fruits , cheese and salad and you have a meal in less than 10 minutes.

Ok…..you got me…..yes, that is a piece of processed cheese that you see there on the plate. Hey….I never SAID I was perfect right?

So…..do they actually eat it?    ****   Well……judge for yourselves……

So……What’s for dinner at YOUR place?

A grown up day and an uncomfortable encounter..

Well, I had a wonderful girls day out today.

Our surprise was going to a very posh hotel for “High Tea”.
It was absolutely beautiful and very grown up and civilized!

And Debbie even ordered a gluten-free platter just for me so I was very touched.

There were 8 of us all up including her. I only knew one of the other ladies there and recognised another whom I have met before through Debbie though I don’t really know her.

So there were 5 ladies there that I’ve never met before. They were lovely.

But one of them in particular got me offside rather quickly when she described her teenage daughter and told me that I had no idea what I was in for because my kids are still young.

I think she actually said I was “lucky!!!!!

And she’s probably right to a degree.

It’s true – I can’t comment on raising teenagers because I haven’t done it yet and I know that there are a lot of really wonderful parents that still end up with wild teenagers that are no reflection on their parenting skills, but when she looked at me and said:

“Parenting children is SO easy when they’re still as little as yours” …….. I had to sit on my hands so I didn’t punch her!!

She has obviously (to my knowledge) ever had to raise a child with an autism spectrum disorder or any sensory processing issues!

Because this is certainly NOT easy!!!!! Not by any stretch of the imagination!!!!!

Of course I cannot possibly know what the teenage years will bring for us , but I imagine that most teenagers didn’t constantly scream at, hit, kick and punch their mothers as little children because they were so overwhelmed and couldn’t cope with the stimuli around them.

And if my teenager deliberatly defies me for no known reason…..yep, already had that too!

And I seriously doubt that if she described raising little kids as “easy” compared to raising teenagers , that she ever had to deal with a public meltdown EVERY time she changed routine without forewarning the child.
Or had to spend half an hour reprogramming the child because she forgot to mention a small detail of a seemingly insignificant event.

Or even had to keep calm while her child screamed the house down because his foot was itchy and he couldn’t feel his toes!

When you’ve had to wrestle a child off you that starts rocking and head banging because the foods on his plate were *gasp* touching each other – then you can tell me that parenting little kids is EASY!

Look, I’m sure she is a lovely lady.
And if she’s friends with Debbie as well, she must have some redeeming qualities.
But she was outspoken to me and I guess I reacted badly because a part of me is wondering if this raising spectrum kids thing could possibly get any damn harder than it already is?

And if it does…….I’M MOVING OUT!!!!!

Ro……I value your opinions!!!!

Deep breaths Fiona…….

Here's a perfectly good reason to drink coffee…..

Because it smiled at me!

Yes, I have fallen off the wagon so to speak.

I have given in to the vice that I should still be avoiding……I tell myself that I will try quitting again.

But not until my kids are older…….Or when I get more sleep…… Or when I have less to do……..Or when I go back to work…..etc etc etc you get the picture.

Summer is on it’s way and I often can’t stand to drink hot drinks then. I may be more successful then.

But for now it’s definitely not the right time.

Yes, I managed to go almost a month without it , but when you have a child that doesn’t sleep, it’d difficult to stay awake during the day without it.

Harley was in our room 5 times last night.

Needless to say : he wasn’t very popular with either of us.

We had a big day yesterday, I think we made too many changes to Harley’s  routine and paid the price that night.

Better days are coming…..

Gluten and Dairy free Banana Bread

I have always loved banana bread but could never get it to taste any good whenever I made it with gluten free flour so I tried a lot of different ideas until I found what works.

Harley takes it to school in place of a sandwich because- lets face it, gluten-free bread is horrible!

And here it is:

Preheat oven to 170 degrees celsius (350 degrees F)

Grease 2 loaf pans

INGREDIENTS

3 very ripe bananas mashed      

1 cup chopped pecans (I ground them in a herb mill so they came out looking like almond meal because my kids hate the texture of the nuts.

1 ½ cups sugar

1 ½ teaspoons gluten free baking powder

2 teaspoons vanilla essence

½  teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon bicarb soda

4 eggs

375g box of rice flour

½ cup vegetable oil.

Mix all the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl and make a well in the centre.

Lightly beat the eggs and pour them into the well.

Carefully stir this all together until mixture is wet and then add the oil and mashed banana mixing it through.

Once all the ingredients are moistened, beat with an electric mixer on slow for about 1-2 minutes.

Pour mixture evenly into the 2 pans and cook for 40 minutes or 30 minutes if making muffins.

This is yummy straight from the oven with butter or can be reheated in a toaster just like regular bread .

It must be eaten within 2 days or stored in the freezer as it contains no preservatives.

Withdrawals…..

Ok…..I suppose it had to happen one day, but I hoped that it wouldn’t be for a long long time, or at least until my kids were grown up!

But, it appears that I may have to give up coffee. It’s just making me so so sick. My 8 espressos a day habit HAS to go.

I know…..I’m freaking out too!

How am I going to cope? How will my family cope with me? What will I do with my hands? How will I function in the mornings? What will I drink when I go out with friends for “coffee”? What will become of Jasper? (yes, I’m sad…..I named my coffee machine). Will he miss me?

I have asked myself all of these questions and more.

I had a woman at school ask me this morning why I have been so aloof lately. I didn’t realise that I was but conceded that she must have been referring to my “drop and run” lately so that I didn’t have to socialise with anyone. With my personality , I suppose that’s a dead giveaway that somethings amiss! lol

Image borrowed from Google

I just can’t wake up as easily as I used to. I’m sluggish and hard to get going.

“They” say that it gets better.

I’ve been craving chocolate SO bad! I am not supposed to eat it either being that it contains dairy but I have indulged in a lot of that recently to try and curb my cravings before realising that caffeine is in chocolate too! Eeeekkk!

I decided today that I would keep my hands busy by attempting to do at least one little project around the house that I hadn’t had time for in the past and I pushed aside all the clothes that needed mending, the piles of paperwork that needed sorting, the bills that needed paying and the ironing that needed ironing and chose to do something fun instead!

So I created some art!

But don’t get too excited……God gave my graphic designer sister 98% of the artistic ability and me only a measly 2%. It’s nothing special.

I can’t draw- I can’t paint, I can’t create but don’t worry , I have my own talents. For example: I’m  fantastic at eating!

In fact, I’m not even sure you could call it art? I just recovered some canvases that I had hanging in the dining room to create a different look to what used to be there.

Ok…….so it wasn’t even proper fabric. It was 2 brand new pillowcases that I have had for ages. I just cut them up instead.

I guess that’s kinda creative right?

Anyway, if you don’t like them- don’t comment, I’m far too fragile without caffeine coarsing through my veins to numb the pain of rejection!

My baby is growing up!

My baby turns 4 tomorrow.

*sigh*

My miracle baby, the one that Doctors told me I’d never have.

The one that the Doctors didn’t hold out much hope for survival.

The one that it was suggested to me by medical professionals that I should consider terminating to preserve my own health.

The one that I fell in love with the instant that I discovered I was pregnant and knew that termination wasn’t even an option.

The one that had me put under strict observation throughout the entire pregnancy due to my own recent brain and eye surgeries.

The child that was a complete surprise to Mr Patient and me after we’d decided that it would be foolish to have more children than car windows!

But a wonderful exiting and fantastic surprise all the same.

Yes, THAT child.

He has defied all odds and is a gorgeous little boy who loves Thomas, Elmo, Trucks, Cars, Rockets, Dinosaurs and Sheep!

Lucas has been nagging me for the last 2 days ever since I asked him what kind of cake he wanted.

He chose “Timmy the lamb” from  Timmy Time.

So I set to work this morning after searching the internet for a picture of Timmy that I could use.

I found this:

(from google images)

And made this:

Not professional by any standard but Lucas loves it and that’s all that matters to me.

His Nanna (Mr Patient’s mother) is coming over tomorrow with her friend and we are having a little party lunch with the kids. And my mum flies in on Thursday.

Now I need to go and make some gluten-free sausage rolls, mini pizzas, garlic bread and chips.

The things we do for our kids for no other reason than …..We love them.

HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY MY PRECIOUS BOY!!

Gluten & yeast free (low dairy) Tandoori chicken pizza with mint yoghurt.

We had pizza AGAIN tonight but I’m over the usual ham, cheese and tomato BORING toppings that the kids always want. (Mind you – they stuck to the same old ingredients as they weren’t feeling very adventurous and only Mr Patient and I got to enjoy the Yummy pizza)!

I used a marinade I’ve made before and made up a “gourmet” pizza with zucchini, spanish onion and sumac as I went along!

It was REALLY nice (even if I do say so myself!)

The base is completely gluten,dairy and yeast free and the only dairy is in the mozzarella cheese on top (I only used a small handful) and the yoghurt I used was “lactose free” but beware- it STILL contains casein.
But so far , my children have handled mozzarella in small amounts without issue.

Anyway, here’s the recipe.

(makes 1 pizza)

Ingredients – Base:

BEFORE COOKING

2 cups gluten free self raising flour

2 tsp Xanthum gum

2 tsp gluten free baking powder

1 tsp sugar

1/4 tsp salt

2 Tablespoons olive oil

1.5 cups soda water

Directions – Base:

Preheat oven to 215 degrees celsius

Mix dry ingredients, add wet and combine. Will be a very sticky batter/dough.

Pat/spread onto oiled pizza pan, using water to keep hands from sticking.

Bake for in pre-heated oven for 25 minutes.

Ingredients – Tandoori Marinade:

1/4 cup tandoori paste ( I cheated and used it from a jar but make sure you read the label first- not all of them are gluten free)

1/4 soy carnation milk

1/4 tsp sumac

Mix together and marinade the chicken pieces for 10 -15 minutes in a small glass container while the base is cooking.

Ingredients – topping

2 Tbsp tomato paste

500g chicken breast sliced into thin strips ( cook in a small pan first before putting on top

of the pizza to ensure it gets fully cooked)

1 small zucchini sliced on an angle

1 small spanish (red)  onion sliced into thin rings

1 medium roma tomato sliced

1/2 cup chopped mint

Marinade and yoghurt ingredients that I used

Yoghurt

1 small tub yoghurt

1 tsp sumac

1/2 tsp lemon juice

1/4 cup chopped mint

Mix them all together in a small bowl  and drizzle over pizza after it’s cooked.

Enjoy

The finished product.

Pancakes with a difference GF/DF/CF

Tonight I was feeling creative. I’m sure I’m not the first person ever to come up with the idea of hiding vegetables in your children’s food and I know potato pancakes have been around forever, but I took one of my kid’s favourite meals and gave it a twist.

But here’s the difference….The children had NO idea that there were any vegetables in these pancakes making me the master of sneakiness!

They tasted even better than the pancakes I make usually and because I served them with strawberries and banana with a drizzle of maple syrup – they were none the wiser to my trickery!

Here’s the recipe:

Potato and Zucchini Pancakes.

Serves 4.

2 medium zucchini (courgette) peeled and finely grated
5 medium potatoes peeled and finely grated
2 cups gluten-free self raising flour
1 cup potato flour
1 tsp bicarb soda
1/4 cup castor sugar (gotta trick their taste buds)
2 eggs lightly beaten
2 Tbsp melted dairy free spread (or butter)
about 1-1 1/2 cups rice milk ( I just added it as I stirred until the correct consistency was reached)

Step 1.

Rinse the grated zucchini and potato and put it in a covered frying pan (or saucepan) with 1/4 cup water  for about 7 minutes ( or until the potato is cooked).

Step 2.

While the vegetables are cooking, put the dry ingredients in to a bowl and add the beaten eggs, melted butter (or DF spread) and a splash of rice milk to help it to combine.

Step 3.

Thoroughly drain vegetables to remove excess water and put them into a blender or food processor to puree.

Step 4.

With a beater, mix the vegetables into the batter and gradually add rice milk until the desired consistency is reached.

Step 5.

Cook as you would a regular pancake.

For a more savoury (and adult) version, I made them before but omitted the sugar then served them with heated creamed corn and chopped chives and smoked salmon.

Enjoy

Spot the gluten

I was looking through some photos recently and something stuck out at me like a sore thumb.

I’d never realised before just how glazed, vague and “out of it” Harley (in particular) used to look when his diet contained gluten.

And now it’s amazing to me to see the difference in him since going completely GF/CF.

Compare these “before” and “after ” pics and see if anyone else notices…….

BEFORE......Look at his eyes.

AFTER....Bright sparkly and alert one again.

Looks like I have a small job to do…..

When I picked Harley up from school this afternoon, he was happy again. But not just happy. He was jumping. He was also running around in large circles, climbing everything he could see and couldn’t stop long enough in the one spot to look at me.

I thought it was odd but put it down to him maybe needing a good energy release since it’s been raining the past few days and they’ve been kept indoors.

Both of the boys ran off in different directions and I had to make a quick decision as I knew I could only chase one of them.

I asked Ella if she could please tail Harley while I went after Lucas as he is the younger one with the least road sense.

She rolled her eyes at me but complied anyway and we agreed to meet at the gate when we each had a boy.

Easier said than done…..both of them had gone awol so a full scale search was put into place.

They were eventually found hiding inside a big climbing structure that is part of the church property but not in the school grounds. They know they aren’t allowed in here so they both got disciplined accordingly (I’ll leave that to your imaginations!)

Because they got into big trouble from me for running off, I assumed that the tantrum that followed in the car was a result of that.

But when the whinging turned to kicking, hitting and screaming – I started to reassess what had gone on since I’d collected him from the classroom.

I was now seeing a glimpse of the “old Harley” that I thought we had started to move on from, but here he was raging and throwing a fit in the car after school just like old times. I was NOT impressed.

I then added up all the behaviours that I had witnessed that afternoon along with the complaint of “my tummy hurts” that he said over and over again and the answer was right there in front of me all along!

GLUTEN!!!!

I asked him if he had spent money at the canteen and he replied “No mum”.

Ok…..But then I asked him if anyone else had bought him something from the canteen and to this he replied “yes”.

Now I was getting somewhere….

“And did you eat it Harley?”

“Yes mum, and now I feel yucky”.

It turns out that a “friend” had bought him an entire packet of lollies that were packed with wheat glucose (which contains gluten) *sigh* and he had gorged himself on them.

The interesting thing to note is that gluten can have an “opiate like effect” on children with ASDs who are sensitive to gluten so in a sense- Harely was on a real high which is what made him keep eating it!

And to add to that- Harely knows that  he can only have 2 things from the canteen so he was WELL aware of what he was doing by asking his friend to buy them…..so he has a part to play in this as well!!!!

I have already given a laminated sheet of paper with a photo of him on it, a “No gluten allowed” headline  and a list of the “only” foods that he is allowed to purchase from the canteen ,but unfortunately, the lovely ladies on the canteen  cannot control what other children give him.

So I guess that it’s time to go and educate the whole class….

Oh well, just one of life’s little lessons I suppose. At least I know in a few days I will get my happy, calm, well  little boy back

Take THAT you silly gluten monsters!

My children are now very comfortable with the fact that they are 100% gluten and casein free.

They have been so cute helping me select items in the supermarket that are labelled “Gluten and Dairy Free” and happily point them out to me. Even L who is still 3 and can’t read (to my knowledge) manages to find things and throw them in the trolley!

I usually end up buying most of these items that they find , (whilst inwardly grimacing at the exorbitant price tags) because if they choose the items themselves, they are far more likely to eat them.

H is probably the one that has benefited from the diet the most but that may also be because he had the largest room  for improvement! He proudly tells me that he hasn’t cheated “not even one single time mum!”

Since being GF/CF, he usually turns and faces me when I call him – sometimes he eye contacts as well, he answers questions with words instead of grunts and he eats almost everything on his plate! He has even started to tell me how yummy his meal is instead of the ” Yuk, mum this is disgusting” that I had become accustomed to!

He has expanded his repertoire with what he is willing to try, and is reacting less to lumpy textures in food than he used to. He still won’t touch tapioca pudding , beetroot , pineapple or tomato but the “won’t eat” list was once as long as my arm so this is real progress.

I had a lot of people tell me that the older their children got, the less picky they were but I honestly never thought I’d see the day when my son sat down at the table and cleared his plate. Maybe now he’ll actually start gaining some weight!

I am so pleased that I decided to try out this “autism diet” and while I realise that the results are varied for others, for us- this has been well worth the effort and expense.

His bowel habits have improved immensely, (gross I know), his temper has dispersed and I feel like I’m seeing my little boy in a different and much more relaxed frame of mind.

I can tell that he’s happier in himself.

The children are loving to help me prepare meals and my daughter is forever scanning the internet for that perfect GF recipe for us all to try!

She made this GF, DF mud cake for P’s birthday last week. 

And yes, it went straight to my hips!

There are so many benefits to this diet but we still

need to  figure out a way to make H sleep…….any suggestions?

Because I can. That's why.

I’m very proud of myself.

I have just perfected an olive, parmesan and garlic foccacia. AND it’s gluten and dairy free.

And I’m serving it tonight with some gluten free pasta and tomato, garlic and basil sauce.

I even ground my own mince in the food processor from top-grade rump steak.

Uh huh! you read it right………..

Fiona is cooking again.

For my new readers, I need to stress again that FIONA DOESN’T COOK!!!

I simply cannot believe that I have gone 34 years without ever putting in any effort in this area…

I’m actually enjoying it now and the children are helping me and loving it too.

Oh…..by the way. There is also some home made mixed berry sorbet in the ice-cream machine being churned as I type.

When you realise just how far you've come….

When I was little, all I ever wanted to do was to get married and have a family.

I NEVER anticipated that life would deal me this hand.

If someone had have told me that I would marry a man who is very aspergian and have 2 (possibly 3) ASD children, I would have just laughed at them and thought the whole thing very amusing.

But life’s like that! You never know exactly what is around the corner or how things are going to turn out.

I definitely never thought that I would begin to enjoy cooking or that I would feel a major sense of achievement after I’d produced a meal that my family actually enjoyed and appreciated my efforts!

Anyone that’s known me for a while will agree that cooking has never exactly been my forte. In fact I absolutely loathed it. I always saw it as a waste of time and only did it simply because we had to eat.

I was always the kind of mum that would take whatever short cuts I could find when it came to meal preparation.

Anything frozen or in a jar or packet was about as much effort as I was willing to put in.

My kids used to eat a lot of slap together meals and didn’t bat an eyelid if I served them 2 minute noodles for dinner!

They only ate vegetables if I managed to hide them in their food by pureeing them or on a pizza.

I thought that because I was raising aspergian children, it meant that they had very bland tastebuds and that it was all part of the package.

But here’s what I’ve discovered…….

Since going gluten and dairy free, the children are not experiencing stomach discomfort as much anymore so they are more willing to try new foods.

I made these chicken nuggets tonight (pictured above) with rice crumbs and served them with broccoli, corn and baby potatoes and you know what?…..All of the kids ate the lot! (The 45 yr old kid as well!)

Sure, it takes a lot more effort, expense and time but I’m starting to reap great benefits that make it all worthwhile.

See……it possible that maybe I am growing up a little! (Stop laughing)……and it’s also possible that when your life takes an unexpected turn, that you grow with it and there are parts of you that begin to become stronger. Parts that you thought either didn’t exist in the first place or that you buried long ago hoping that they’d stay buried!

I’ve noticed that the things that devastated me a few years back, no longer illicit the same weight of emotion that they did way back then!

Maybe I’ve mellowed a bit or maybe I have allowed God to change me into the kind of mum that my children have needed all along.

This certainly isn’t how I’d imagined my life turning out!

But all I can say is …….”Look how far I’ve come!”

The laying down cow!

This morning as I poured the milk on my son’s breakfast he started flapping and jumping up and down on his bottom on his chair moaning “laying down cow, laying down cow eeeerrrrhhh, laying down cow.”

I was speechless.

I had absolutely NO idea what had upset him?

I asked him if he was calling me a cow and he shook his head fiercly.

Then I asked him where the cow was? And he started flapping again and slapping his own head.

I continued to be puzzled?

I finally asked him if he could “show” me what the problem was and he nodded.

Finally…….I was getting somewhere!

SO he walked over to the fridge and pulled out the carton of milk that he wanted.

I immediately understood!

AHA!

I can only have rice milk or soy so I’ve never tasted either of them.

Obviously the difference between full cream and “light” milk is the taste!

I had poured full cream milk but he wanted “laying down cow” milk  not “standing up cow” milk!

Silly mum!

Chocolate pizza….

I mentioned in a previous post that my family is now gluten and dairy free….completely!

There are 2 main reasons for this.

1: I am intolerant to gluten, dairy and yeast myself & have been off it for 12 months already &
2: there have been numerous reports that autistic children may benefit from avoiding these “possible” behaviour triggering foods, and my middle son who I think would benefit the most from a radical diet change wasn’t happy about having to give up foods that the others didn’t have to.
So the solution was to put the whole entire family on the same diet.

My eldest child (the 45 yr old one!) put up the biggest fight of them all!
But gradually they are all getting used to it.

Today for lunch I experimented and made a pizza base that was completely free from gluten, dairy and yeast. I used soda water to make it rise and I was shocked that it actually worked!
Not only that, EVERYBODY loved it!. Even my hardest to please child was raving over it.
I made the kids eat some of the “healthy” one first – ham and tomato but their treat was the other half: a chocolate pizza for dessert.

I found some gluten and dairy free chocolate spread at Coles as well as some gluten free marshmallows.
I was so proud of my success I just HAD to share it Recipe is here.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am generally not a huge fan of cooking so I’m happy dancing all over the place right now!

Mealtimes are often a nightmare around here with picky children with bland taste buds and limited choices but right now I’ve got at least 1 recipe that we all enjoy .