Not a proper post tonight….I’m just writing out some of my random thoughts… you know, working through some stuff that has been rattling through my brain of late
There is a saying that when a child is diagnosed with autism – the whole family is diagnosed with autism. And it has to be that way because every single member is affected in some way whether directly or indirectly.
It’s taken me the whole 5 years since we received Harley’s diagnosis to fully accept that things will never be the same as they were pre-diagnosis ever again. And for me – it’s was a very slow journey to reaching acceptance because – I’ll admit, that it’s a daily struggle for me to have to adjust my expectations and ideals.
The selfish part of me that creeps up occasionally wants to do things the way I’ve always done them.
See – I’m stubborn like that.
There are still many times that I have to stop and remind myself that we are an autism family and that what works for most families simply wont work for us. And then I have to make the necessary allowances to make it work, or deal with the inevitable consequences.
All mothers have to become selfless and put their child’s needs above that of their own in order to be an effective parent, but when you are raising children on the autistic spectrum – it’s even more important because their needs and daily requirements far exceed regular kid stuff.
I was told recently by a health professional that I’m going to have to eventually recognise that I don’t have a family that will fit into what society deems to be normal and that outings will often present challenges and sometimes I have to make the choice to either stay at home or leave ‘him’ at home thus separating the family. I need to choose which battles to major on and which ones to let slide.
Or, I could take the third option which is taking Harley out with us and being prepared that he may lose it or we may have to end up leaving early.
She said that this is just the way it is and that although things will get easier the more often that we do them – it’s always going to be something that we will have to work very hard at. And she emphasized the ‘always‘.
I sulked for a good week after I was told this. I knew it already in my heart but I let my emotions get the better of me.
Everything in me was crying out: “NO….it doesn’t have to be that way”…
But you know what? It actually does.
I’m getting a lot better at this as the months pass by and I can now admit that as a family, we are different and we have to do things differently. And I can even admit that even though it’s a huge inconvenience to me to have to make different choices – the truth is – my son means more to me than any preconceived ideas that I may have about what I really want out of life.
And that’s what growing up is all about… leaving behind what you think you want, so that you can make way for what’s more important and what is necessary in life. You make the big sacrifices because you love.
It’s that simple.
1 Corinthians 13:7
…love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…