I’ve had to give myself a big fat talking to lately. I’ve had to mentally correct myself and try harder to avoid using particular phrases that have become quite popular in this house!
There are many variations of this phrase but it is usually something along the lines of : “Oh my gosh…that’s is SO aspie”!
Paul and I often say this to each other when we notice the other doing something that is particularly quirky or odd. (And believe me, both of us have enough quirks to fill an entire library of books) but that’s not the problem.
You see, the problem is that I’ve noticed that whenever we point out something that other person does, it is almost always one of the more negative quirks of aspergers and rarely the positive.
For example: I don’t say things like: “Wow, I’m so impressed that you can memorise word-for-word entire scenes from Monty Python”
I’d more likely say: ” Oh wow, feeling a tad echolalic today are we dear? You are SO aspie”.
Or whenever we are out; I should probably say to Paul: “I know you don’t enjoy being around people too often, but wow, it was wonderful to see you engaging with our friends like that”.
But usually I’d say something like: “Do you think you could you be any more awkward? …You are SO aspie!”
Just the other week, we were in a major shopping centre and I reacted to the over-the-top noise coming from the food court where we had planned to have a coffee together….Paul took one look at my face and said teasingly: “Come on you big aspie…you can do it”….
And sometimes when the phone rings I’ll sigh and say “Let the answering machine get it, I’m too tired to talk to anyone right now” He’ll smirk and say “Having an antisocial aspie moment are we?”
Our banter is mostly light-hearted but I’ve begun to realise that by doing this, we are focusing on all the wrong parts of our sons’ diagnoses.
Because yes….I’ll admit that at times living with aspergers is heart breaking, daunting, overwhelming, frustrating and exhausting, but it also has great points as well.
Harley for example is a whiz at remembering facts about his current interest, and the enormity of his knowledge on that particular subject is literally mind-blowing. When he is in a suitably quiet and calm environment – he can channel all of his attention solely onto whatever it is that he is doing and can memorise things that most adults wouldn’t be able to concentrate on for long enough to achieve the same results.
And Lucas amazes me with his ability to hear what I say and obey even when he seems to be a million miles away as he jumps, turns and bounces all over the house. Most people would swear that their child was ignoring them if they saw them acting like Tigger, but I’ve learned that when Lucas is in this mode – he is so much more switched on than I’d ever thought possible. What an awesome gift that would be!
These days , it’s pretty common knowledge that autism is a genetic condition and aspergers is generally passed down from at least one if not both of the parents. And that’s why we have so much fun telling the other one that it came from them.
But that’s really neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things because it really doesn’t matter. But what does matters is that we make a more concerted effort to focus on the good stuff and encourage the boys to keep going onwards and upwards.
And anyway…..You all know that where it really comes from anyway right?
Right?
It’s obviously *cough cough* PAUL *cough cough*
Hello my lovely, I think you are being a little hard on yourself again Fi. You do see the positives in Aspergers, I KNOW you do. But I think your post is awesome because you are always showing just how much you think it through. Your kids are totally loved for who they are. But you are always looking for ways to improve their journey through life. I love that about you.
Also, you help me to see the positives in me in all my traits, so I know from personal experience that you see Wonderfully Wired. I like being called a big Aspie, it’s helps me to remember that I am not a misfit I just didn’t understand. But now I do. Thank you!
Love you to the moon and back. Lees. xxxx {{{{HUG}}}} X
I have a close friend here in Canberra – Alan over at Think Wisely – who would be asking what is the problem with being Introverted?
We aren’t all extroverts.
Extroverts love being in crowds and when they spend too much time alone they need to get out there amongst some people to recharge. Extroverts seemingly rule the world. But Introverts seemingly drive the innovation that only comes from working dilligently in a back room. Many of those introverts are held up as closet aspergians.
Embrace your introversion, or even better, simply embrace individuality and diversity. I’m learning to love my introversion, not just my own but Bec’s as well. But I will admit that it sits neatly with some of my more wonderfully wired personality traits.
We have that *cough cough* here too.
no need to blame or feel guilty.
Gee that *cough cough* cold and flu thing is really bad around Canberra too. I hope none of you are too sick. A bit of bed rest and you should all get better real quick.
*cough cough* crikey maybe I’m coming down with it too?
Haha! Great entry! I confess, though, that it is very easy to focus on the wrong aspects of autism. We do it with our Stephanie, as well. Too often focusing on the aspects that annoy us, rather than the ones that make her so very special.
We have genetic high functioning autism in our family, too. I also have some aspects of it, and my husband has learning disabilities. I have often thought that if my kids were not sort of like me, I wouldn’t have an intuitive sense (as hard as it has been in some respects) regarding how to help them and understand their issues. Maybe if my husband had not had to struggle in school, he wouldn’t have the compassion that he has for our oldest daughter, who has severe learning disabilities along with high functioning autism.
Think about the strengths that are so Aspie in your child, and gently nudge that along. We nudged along accounting in our oldest daughter, and computer programming in our son. We found ways to use their tendencies, such as rule making, to further our goals for them.
It has occurred to me that I wouldn’t really know how to raise a popular, well adjusted, extrovert.