I think I may have written this post maybe 4 or 5 times over the past few days, but every time I’d read it back, I’d be unhappy with it so I’d delete it and start again.
I just can’t seem to write out what I need to write about without giving away too many details so I will only say that parenting an almost teenager is on par with raising autistic boys at the moment.
Holy hormones Batman!
Even my Mum has admitted that she didn’t have to deal with this kind of stuff when we were growing up. I guess times have changed and there are a lot more temptations out there for kids these days…sigh…
So yeah….things have totally sucked here. And no, I don’t believe that I’m being melodramatic either.
I have really struggled with guilt because I KNOW that Ella puts up with a helluva lot more than the average 12-year-old but I just can’t help the fact that the boys both require a lot more attention at the moment. So I have been feeling very torn.
And on top of that: it seems that Harley’s OCD has increased AGAIN, and frankly – he’s starting to unnerve me with his ever-increasing rituals.
I can handle the obsessive hand-washing. And even the counting of his steps is something I can learn to live with. But the vocal stimming and the repetitive questions that he needs to hear answered in exactly the same way each and every time – added to the irrational fear that he will cause harm to his family if he doesn’t do what his ‘stomach’ (?) tells him to that it will result in one of us dying….well that about tips me over the edge.
I mean seriously….it is becoming a huge problem for all of us and I’m staring to become unhinged. Its like living with Melvin from that dreadful Jack Nicholson movie “As Good As It Gets” but much much worse.
And he’s only 9.
Sheesh!
On a happier note, the boys both survived school photos and a fire drill at school this week with minimal after effects which is wonderful progress as far as I’m concerned!
And I have had my Mum here for the past two weeks so there have been an extra pair of hands to help me which is fantastic – except when they are needed to soothe frazzled children or hug an emotionally distraught Fiona.
But it’s all good.
Just don’t expect a coherent response from me for the next couple of weeks while I settle back into the chaos that is my life. Yep….Mum flies home tomorrow…..
But its okaaaaay…. I’m going to take deep breaths then count to 1 gazillion and then take more deep breaths. If you need me….I’ll be the one in the corner rocking and sucking my thumb!
Nah..just kidding: God will get me through.
I love you and I’m keeping all this in prayer for you.
Sending you {{{{BIG BEAR HUGS}}}} with those prayer.
Wishing I could be there to help. :’(
Leesy. xxxx <3
Arrghh, fi fi fi, all i can say about this one is hugs, hugs, hugs, it may seem that life is conspiring to do you in in the form of Autism and hormones, and what comes with. It will be my turn soon with my kids 10, 8 and 7 so i suspect soon it will be me rocking away in the corner. I know you can pull through strong with your strength of faith and I’m sure you will find time to take solace in what is important to you, and if not, you know where to look if you need reminding of this, sending you hugs times 3!
Is it at all possible for you to set up a mother-daughter date once a week? Even for just half an hour our something? maybe take 2 cars to church and take the long way home, our stop for “coffee” on the way? she needs to know she is just as special, just as loved, and just as worthy of your time and attention as the boys. And when you do set up a “date” be strong and don’t let autism ruin it. Easier said than done, I know. Not from experience but because I know you, and your desire to protect your family. “the squeaky wheel always gets the oil” but maybe a tyre with a slow leak needs fixing too…
Ps I hope that didn’t come across as judgemental. My phone wouldn’t let me scroll through to read over it! It is merely a suggestion, something you’ve probably already considered anyway!
This sounds really great. I know I try my best to fit that in with all three of my kids – one-on-one time – and I do my best to make sure Bec does something one-on-one with at least one of them every time I come home.
Once again Fi, you’ve managed to put into words what I am unable to. So thank you and…keep going.
I’m gunna be needing lessons in dealing with preteen girls sometime real soon I think. Some kinda switch just went “clunk” about the time PrincessP turned 10.
Not happy, so far.
Hang on there Fi. Dont forget to treat yourself now and then. And I totally agree with one of your friends comments that you and your daughter should spend some quality time together!!! You can implore once again your moms or a friends assistance for the boys.