I looked at my boys on Friday when they got home from school and realised that they were both long overdue for haircuts. I decided that it would be a good idea to get them done over the weekend because then I would have Mr Patient around to help me. But yesterday he had to go into work, and what was supposed to only be a few hours turned into 13 so he obviously wasn’t able to come with us.
Now, I’m not totally stupid – I wasn’t going to take all 3 kids out to a crowded shopping centre by myself so I wisely waited until today (Sunday) instead. I figured that the boys would be fine with the change of plans. And yes, I know what all you autism parents are thinking right now!
Silly SILLY girl!
Normally I would have written a social story or talked them through this minor change at the very least. And I should have learned from the numerous times that I have done silly things like this before – that changing plans without prior notice NEVER goes well.
Anyhoo….
**
We pulled up in the car park and before our seatbelts were even undone, the tears started.
It took Mr Patient almost ten minutes to coax the already-past-it Harley out of the car.
But getting him to walk wasn’t going to happen, So he had no choice but to carry him.
We arrived at the hairdressers and she asked the boys who was going to go first. And before they could answer: Harley took off. He literally ran for the hills as fast as he could go. As you do when you have sensory processing disorder and you are confronted with being stuck in the middle of a crowded centre with strange noises, smells and bright lights.
So Mr Patient took Lucas and walked over to the hairdressers chair while I hot-footed it after Harley through the centre.
I eventually caught up to him and took my sobbing shaky little boy over down a quiet alleyway and stroked his head until he calmed. There was clearly no point talking to him. So I devised a quick plan in my head and we walked over to the nearby $2 shop where I bought him a squishy angry birds toy to squeeze. It seemed to do the trick and we managed to walk back and I was finally able to talk to him and ask him what kind of cool haircut he wanted. My distraction worked and we seemed to be right back on track again.
And finally he gave us a smile.
Not long from then, his turn came and he sat down in the special seat and (sort-of) let the hairdresser cut his hair whilst he squeezed Mr piggy vigorously. He stayed put to our delight and came out looking gorgeous.
We all realised that we were hungry so we decided to go and grab some lunch and started walking towards the food court congratulating ourselves on surviving so far.
Until we heard that tell-tale moan that we’ve come to know that means that trouble is looming. We turned around to see Harley crying and flapping furiously.
We sighed and I picked him up and carried him down ANOTHER side alley and it took a while but I finally managed to get to the bottom of this episode….It tuned out that some pieces of freshly cut hair had fallen down underneath his collar and was itching him madly. I could see that he was close to another meltdown and I knew I had to act quickly and I also knew that I had come unprepared so had to duck into a nearby shop and buy him another shirt. I knew we’d never make it through lunch while he was in such enormous sensory overload.
So in ten minutes – with two of us holding him down and sprinkling baby powder on his neck and removing the old shirt and replacing it with the new one later – we finally made our way to the food court crossing our fingers, toes and anything else that we could think of!
But look at this:
A smile.
It was short lived because soon he started to obsess about having ‘dirty’ hands and wiped them vigorously with baby wipes whilst demanding that we take him to a restroom so that he could wash them properly.
But it was a smile nonetheless.
So, we gave in – took him to wash his hands and then again after he’d eaten and started to walk back to the car.
I saw this and grabbed my phone to take another snap – moments like this are precious.
And here’s the bit where I admit that I got home and burst into tears of complete exhaustion and got down on my knees and yelled at God.
Not because I’m mad at Him. Not because I think He gave us a bad deal in life but because I can’t for the life of me figure out why on earth he believes in me as much as He does.
Why does He trust me so much?
I know He will continue to give me the grace that I need to keep on keeping on but honestly, after today….I think I might go to bed for about a hundred years! It’s all too bloody hard!
I’m glad it all turned out in the end… but sometimes NOT making the kids deal with the issues is better than MAKING them do it. Consider getting a mobile hairdresser – in the comfort & space of your own home, to come in & do it. Sometimes the easier path is there for a good reason. Unless you have a “pressing need” to have him overloaded from moment one. Get the hairdresser into your home & then order in delivery pizza as a reward – less stress on everyone – ESPECIALLY you!!! *love*
{{{{BIG BEAR HUG}}}}
For what it’s worth I think everything you did was perfect. I can relate to *Harley with this, I hate the hairdressers. My sister trims my hair for me because I really can’t cope with everything that goes on at the hairdressers. But Fi, look at what you did, look at how much you coped with and *Harley survived and even smiled. He will be able to cope with this and more because you never give up on any situation, your faith and hope rings through every post.
I know you sometimes feel that God trusts you too much. But you took this where it needed to go, you got down on your knees and took all your pain, emotions and angst to our Heavenly father. This is the woman you are my friend, open, honest, transparent, real and a believer in Jesus Christ the Son of God. You are a beacon of hope because you show us the real you and we watch as your faith in God brings you through many trials. We laugh with you, cry with you, puzzle with you and pray with you.
I see your ups and your downs but what I see most is your unconditional love for your kids, your heart to help others and your faith in God giving you just what you need to keep on keeping on. You fight the good fight and you shine in His light my precious friend. Keep shining and keep being you, you are perfect just as you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Love you and everything about you.
Lees. xxxx {{{{HUG}}}} X
that was a tough one, but as i’m sure you do, i always make sure i give the kids a debrief after they’ve been on a stressful outing. All the kids get one, and it usually involves me and if Mr Westie is there, focus on the positives and how well they have done on their shopping trip, even if i can only point out one positive. i’m glad you got through it all as a family and the day wasn’t a complete wash out. god trusts you because you give unconditional love to your kids and fight for them all ((hugs))
Oh sweets. From what I read both you and Mr Patient did a great job of getting your family through a difficult situation. Honestly, I probably would not have even made it out of the car (and Christian would end up looking like a 1960s hippy if he had his way about hairdressers!). H looks great in his new shirt too
You wonderful Mother you! See you got through it because you knew exactly what to do and you knew your son so well that you could anticipate it all, I’m not surprised you broke down afterwards but there you are all done! I have opted to get a hairdresser to come to us at home. There is a wonderful lady here in QLD that does house calls to all special needs kids and also cuts mum’s hair so I think she is marvellous. Well done again xxxxx
(((((HUGS!)))))) You are AMAZING!
It can be so much tougher to do the ordinary stuff with our kids. They can be…a challenge. You seem to be able to work through it all with grace, no matter how you are tried. I admire that a great deal. Thanks for the story, and the little man’s smiles made my morning.
My 10yo can finally stand to have his hair cut, but he still has to take a shower immediately after. Reading this brought tears to my eyes because I felt like I was reading our story. You did a great job.
Several years ago, before we knew my son had Aspergers’s, SPD, or anything else, I took him to one of those hair places inside Wal-Mart when we were out of town. He was 4 or 5. By then, he was able to handle the haircuts, but the idiot who cut his hair didn’t have one of those brushes to brush the hair off his neck AND when I asked her, SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. Hello? Did you actually go to school somewhere to learn to cut hair? That was extremely traumatic. I learned to be more selective about where I take him for haircuts. I wish more people had a clue.
We totally were rooting for you during reading this post. It’s like we were right there with you. Glad it worked out and Mr.Patient is a keeper
Hugs, my friend! I remember those days all too well, but at least with girls they do not require hair cuts as often. She now determines when she needs one and manages to survive them.