The Payment Plan

I am a huge fan of analogies. I love it when someone gives me an easier way to understand things and it occurred to me today that it’s very similar to the way that Jesus spoke in parables. That’s why I relate so well to bible stories. I have been thinking today about ‘our situation’ and the thought dropped into my head that our life is not unlike a mortgage.

Stay with me on this ok…I am actually going somewhere with this – I haven’t completely lost my mind just yet!

I was chatting to Mr Patient last night and said to him that I am aware that I DO get time away from the children and that I can’t understand why I still feel like I need a break?

I mean – It’s not like I NEVER get away – I have a beautiful friend who regularly takes me out for coffee when the kids are in school plus she meets me in the park after school with the kids as well and inputs wonderful things into them.

I also have 6 hours on my own every day while they are in school, yet I still have a strong desire to escape and get away from it all and regularly feel overwhelmed. I was wondering why this is and it occurred to me that it’s all very much like a bank loan.

Take for example our mortgage: Even though we make regular payments and cut into the principal of the loan, there is still a great big debt that needs to be paid off that only ever gets reduced very slowly and very gradually.

We are not likely to come into any huge lump sums of money; so slowly but surely is the only way that we can chip away at it.

But if we stand back and focus on the enormous amount that we still owe without taking note of the small amount in comparison that we’ve already paid – we are in danger of becoming overwhelmed, depressed and then helplessness starts to creep in.

We need to continue to make these little payments in order for the bigger picture and greater rewards waiting for us despite how insignificant they might seem.

Over the coming years, we will see the payments yield greater results and the principal loan lessen to the point where all we will see is what we have worked towards and what we have achieved. One day we will own this house and can stand back and be proud of all that we put into it over all those years.

But if we give up now and say “These payments aren’t making any difference - they’re too small” then we would never achieve that end goal.

And it’s like that with raising our children, because the small but still significant snippets of time that we put into them all adds up to a well-balanced and stable adult in the end.

And the small amounts of time that I get away from the children to be me and to refresh myself – all add up to a well-balanced and stable ME.

I have realised that if I sit back now and don’t make the most of those small amounts of time that I DO have and focus on all of the time I DON’T have to myself – I will lose sight of the bigger picture. EVERY day, hour and minute to myself should be treasured and counted as a payment towards inputting into my children’s futures. On their own they don’t amount to much but added together over the years – they make quite a big difference!

I realise now that it’s not going to happen immediately. Interest rates have risen quite high in the emotional bank at the moment, but it’s ok – we WILL get there and it WILL be ok.

Am I crazy for seeing things this way?

Maybe. But I know that optimism is a choice and one that I don’t make often enough and I’m starting to recognise that it’s one I need to make more often.

And as long as I make regular payments into the “Fiona fund”, Things will work out in the end.

One step at a time.

Deep breath.

You’re going to be ok.

Exhale.