Well ok, I am sad, but not for the reason that people expect. Sure I miss him but I’m not distressed or pining for him. I’m excited for him and am thrilled to be able to finally have a minute to myself to take a breath.
No-I’m sad because right now it feels like I’m watching a movie on repeat.
But because I’ve watched this stupid movie before and I know how it ends, I know that short of walking out of the room – I’m going to have to watch it to completion in wide screen view whether I like it or not.
It’s like an annoying case of déjà vu.
And this stupid movie is all about Lucas’ coping mechanisms for school – It seems that they are on red-alert ALREADY! And it’s only day 2.
I really thought we would get a LOT further in than this.
One of his teachers approached me this afternoon and asked how he went last night at home. I sighed and admitted that he was a complete basket case. Teary, emotional, cranky, tired and unapproachable but I didn’t think anything of it because I assumed that all Kindy kids were feeling exactly the same way.
But I didn’t tell anyone this.
I told everyone who asked me how much he loved his first day of school…and he did, but he didn’t cope very well.
So why didn’t I admit it?
Well…because I didn’t want to be THAT mother again.
I didn’t want to play the stupid flippin’ autism card this early in the piece.
I’m sure everyone is sick and tired of hearing about the hassles we have had with Harley and I wanted SO BADLY for it to be different this time. I deserve that at least don’t I?
It seems not.
This morning after the bell rung, the children all sat in the quadrangle and were taken off into their new classes one by one. All of the kindy, year 1, year 2 and year 3 kids had gone to their classes but I spotted Lucas (because he was the only one holding a stuffed monkey) sitting in the quadrangle amidst the much bigger year 4 kids looking lost and confused.
I alerted the teaching staff and he was walked to his class. I should have known then that the day started on the back foot.
And this afternoon, the teacher who summoned me mentioned that Lucas had a lot of trouble settling today. He didn’t understand or follow all of the instructions, he chewed relentlessly on anything that he could get near his mouth and he seemed overwhelmed and bewildered by the kids surrounding him.
She said that he had a few teary episodes but other than that he did great.
My heart sunk right into my shoes. This was all sounding waaaaay too familiar for my liking – It’s the same dumb movie that I have been watching for the past 4 years. Only this time it’s an updated version. This time it has extra added special effects. 3D in fact – the 2012 version.
I started to fret but then made the decision that I absolutely wasn’t going to have this. It doesn’t have to be the same movie replayed time and time again and I decided then and there that I refuse to be just another passive movie patron anymore.
Not if I had anything to do with it.
It was a real light-bulb moment for me when It dawned on me that I know the original and only author of life.
My God is the Director AND the Producer of everyone’s life movies and I know Him personally….I’m telling Him to go back to the script writers and demand that they change the stupid ending. I’m not having another drama on my hands. This one’s going to be a feel-good movie with a lot of comedy for good measure and a happy ending. People are going to talk about this movie for ages. It’s going to be a family friendly movie with a ‘choose your own adventure’ clause. And it’s going to be AWESOME!
None of this ‘woe is me’, ‘my poor child is destined to be a mess’ crap. This is going to be a great year for all of us.
Ok. So that’s settled.
Next task : Search for the stupid oxygen mask that I seem to have momentarily misplaced!