This poem was inspired by a number of things that have transpired here lately. Firstly by Eustacia Grandin Cutler who is Dr. Temple Grandin’s mother who coined the phrase “Different not less”. She wanted the world to know that her daughter is remarkable but my no means any less of a masterpiece just because her thoughts and ideas are sometimes a little left of centre.
Another inspiration for this poem comes from sitting down at night and talking to Harley about his day and hearing the pain in his voice as he is starting to realise that he is different to his peers.
He has had a lot of “down” moments lately and it has been coming out in his behaviours at home.
No-one else is privy to this hurting side of him and that’s one of the downsides to being high-functioning I guess. He is able to recognise that he is an anomaly and is trying his darndest to change that and I’m so mega proud of my boy but sometimes feel like I’m standing on the sidelines watching a traumatic event take place before my very eyes and all I can do is stand anchored to the ground with my arms ties to my side unable to do anything to help him.
Sometimes I want to run away,
And leave it all behind,
I’m tired of the exhaustion, want
To quit the daily grind
The tiny things that make me see,
The hugeness of this task,
Of raising special children is,
A really montstrous ask.
It’s not the normal Mummy things,
That make me want to yell,
I can do the meals, the baths, the chores,
And manage very well.
The dressing kids and sorting fights,
And homework battles too,
I get that every other Mum,
Feels like she runs a zoo!
No, it’s not the things that we ALL do,
That make my tears begin,
And threaten to undo my cool,
and break my heart within.
It’s seeing how the simplest things,
Can totally undo,
My child because he cannot tell,
Me what he’s needing to.
When he erupts if he can’t cope,
I sense his physical pain,
I see the torment in his eyes,
And watch him thrash again.
He wants to be like all his friends,
He wants to blend right in,
He knows he’s different and that hurts,
His feelings through and through.
My mother’s heart just breaks apart,
When he tries to adjust,
To sit in crowds, with noise and lights,
And try to look non-plussed.
The things that others take for granted,
Really causes me stress,
I want the world to realise that,
He’s different but NOT less.