I’ve been feeling really sorry for myself today. I’m completely bored with my life.
It’s Saturday afternoon and it’s a beautifully warm typically Australian Winters day. Spring is clearly just around the corner and though I feel very fortunate to live in such a gorgeous climate – I’m still feeling very blue today.
About an hour ago, I looked out my front door and noticed the neighbourhood children playing in the cul-de-sac on their bikes and scooters and there is even a game of touch footy down one end. Some of the girls are blowing bubbles and there is a lot of giggling going on.
But where are my children?
Slumped in front of some sort of screen. Of course.
Be it a Nintendo DS, a computer or an iPad, they are simply refusing to go out and enjoy the great outdoors. They never want to go anywhere or do anything and are completely content to avoid other members of the human race in favour of stupid technology.
I know that I should “be the parent” and make them get off the damn machines but I also know that it will cause tempers to flare and I don’t feel like the screaming matches and tantrums that it will almost certainly activate so I’m taking the easy way out.
Certainly not when Mr Patient isn’t here to bear half the brunt for me.
Yep. Home alone again and I’m completely over it today.
He is doing some overflow work and has been in and out of the house all day and up until 10 minutes ago (when I sat down at this computer to write this) I was stomping around the house trying to convince SOMEBODY to do something interesting with me!
I asked the kids to go for a walk or to come and kick a ball in the backyard with me. They barely glanced at me as they declined my offer. *Sigh* This is SO not the life that I signed up for!
Where’s the excitement? Where’s the action? Where’s the FUN?
Before marriage and certainly before kids I used to always have somewhere to go and something to do every.single.weekend. And I ALWAYS had someone to do it with.
Weekends were the time that I caught up with friends and chilled out and enjoyed life to the fullest no matter what I was doing. I used to look forward to them and they were my reward for making it through another week.
And even after we had Ella (and up until Harley was born), we still continued to socialise with friends, go places and DO exciting things on the weekends and were never short of an invitation of some sort. But those days are no longer.
Nope – I feel like our family has some sort of plague. Or a “keep back” sign tattooed on our foreheads at the very least.
All the invitations have dried up and we really don’t understand why? We have tried to nut it out together a number of times but neither of us can figure out what the hell happened or where we went wrong. Why doesn’t anyone want us at their picnics or BBQs anymore?
Are we really THAT bad?
Are we too boring?
Or is our children that are the reason behind this sudden decline in friendships?
I think that deep down I do actually know the real reason but I’m unwilling to face it. And I have a strong feeling that Autism has a lot to do with it. Maybe not directly but certainly indirectly.
I think that people don’t understand us so they avoid us. Our lives are too intense and our children require more than a lot of people could be bothered giving so no-one wants to get close.
Or have we scared them off ourselves with the stories we’ve told or worse still…..I worry that this blog has painted such a horrid picture of life in our house that people no longer want to come anywhere near us?
Is this all MY fault?
Recently we have talked about the other possible reasons for the rapid decline in our social life and realised that all the places that regular people frequent and start friendships with other families are all out for us.
Church – Harley can’t handle crowds or noise and if we do manage to stay for a whole service and attempt coffee afterwards…we pay heavily for it later with an emotionally overwhelmed screaming child that can take hours to bring down again.
Sporting events – Are you kidding me? Loud noises, crowds, strong unfamiliar smells, flashing signs…do I really need to go on?
Children’s weekend sports – Well, team sports are automatically out for us due to Harley’s anxiety issues and fine motor struggles not to mention the complete lack of interest in them whatsoever.
Old school friends and their families – Um…..not here. I don’t have any. All mine are back in my hometown so that’s out.
Family members: Sisters,Brothers,Cousins, Aunties, Uncles – none live anywhere near here so ….No.
Work aquaintances – We live over an hours drive from Mr Patient’s workplace and I haven’t worked since Lucas was born 5 years ago so we don’t know anyone!
As Mr Patient and I continued to chat about this –he suggested that we make more of an effort to find some new friends and start inviting people over here first. You know….the whole “be a friend to have a friend” thing. But I couldn’t help but giggle at this idea. I mean, isn’t that like the episode of FRIENDS where newlyweds Monica and Chandler go on a mission to find another married couple that they can pair up with. You know….”married friends”.
They end up being so full-on and come across as so desperate that they scare of everyone in their paths!
Sorry about the whole whiney tone of this post, I know it’s packed full of negativity and moaning but I’m just trying to work through a few things.
I do however wonder if any other ASD families feel this way too? Do any of you ever wonder where the heck you went wrong and where did everyone go? Do you still long for the acceptance that you’re always banging on about for yourselves or is it just us?
I’d be interested to know your thoughts?