NEVER leave them alone.
.
.
.
.
Even for a second.
.
.
.
.
Because this can happen:
.
.
.
.
And what was their punishment?
They had to go and stand outside in the courtyard and drip dry while I used their towels to dry the floor!
LOL!
I am too tired tonight to write the post that’s churning through my too-full brain so I’m going to re-blog this one from last year instead.
I have found Father’s Day this year to be difficult and sad. I thought it might get easier as the years pass, but so far – this hasn’t been the case. We lost my wonderful Dad to cancer four years ago and the world lost a wonderful husband, father,brother and friend. Father’s day will continue to go on regardless and if I have anything to do with it: so will my Dad’s memory.
I am encouraging my children to give Paul a wonderful day today and thinking about how much I can’t wait to get to heaven to have a cuppa with my Dad!
Happy Father’s day to all my wonderful readers. Hope it’s been fabulous.
Me about 12 months old with my Daddy x
A Daddy gives his daughter away
Young Love......My Daddy and Mummy engaged.
Miss you Dad…..xxxxx
Do you know what really amuses me?
The massive difference in how you are with your last child as opposed to your first!
I’m not exactly a seasoned mother myself being that my eldest is only 11 and I’m sure that parents of teenagers laugh at me in much the same way I smile smugly whenever I see a “new” mum out in public.
You know…..the ones with the MASSIVE nappy bag and the 6 dozen spare outfits and the fancy brand name pram and the tell-tale dark circles under her eyes!
I look back at when I was a first time mother with Ella and giggle.
When she was born , I had typical first time Mum angst!
Here are some amusing scenarios outlining the differences between how I was with my baby number 1 compared to my baby number 3.
*Baby’s dummy falls on the ground……
Baby number 1: IMMEDIATELY confiscate it and replace with a new one that’s been stored in a container that’s ALSO sterilised.
Baby number 2: Wash it with bottled water and return to baby’s mouth.
Baby number 3: Say “Ah, she’ll be right mate”, you blow on it and return to the baby’s mouth.
Baby has a sniffle……
Baby number 1: Rush straight to the emergency department and demand they test your baby for meningococcal disease.
Baby number 2: Make sure you have a supply of tissues on you at all times and if it continues for more than a few days, make an appointment with the GP “just in case”.
Baby number 3: What’s a Doctor? Give your child an antihistamine medicine that dries up runny noses and send them to pre-school anyway. After all….you NEED a break!
Baby has a wet *nappy whilst you’re out…..
Baby number 1: Change them straight away. If there is a tiny bit of wee on the outfit as well, change the entire outfit. Baby has to look lovely at all times. Continue to check and change them every hour throughout the day.
Baby number 2: Wait until you get home from the shopping centre. It won’t kill them to stay wet for another ten minutes. Isn’t that what disposable nappies with their “draw away from the skin liners” are for?
Baby number 3: Wet Nappy! Ah well…..at least it’s not pooey! Leave them in it until the next nappy change. Who’s got the time to change EVERY wee!
Your Toddler wakes up and calls for you from their cot in the morning to let you know they’re awake.….
Toddler number 1: You rush in there and cover them, with kisses and cuddles and tell them how much you missed them through the night!
Toddler number 2: You call out “Be there in a minute” and go and make a coffee first!
Toddler number 3: You see how long you can actually get away with calling out to them from YOUR OWN bed “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming” until they give up and climb out themselves or an older sibling lifts them out for you!
You notice your toddler fighting over a toy at playgroup with someone else’s child…..
Toddler number 1: Immediately go and gently remove the toy from your child’s grasp all the while explaining to them that “It’s not nice to take other children’s toys” and lecture them on the social rules of sharing. Then find the other child’s mother and apologise profusely.
Toddler number 2: Sit back and watch for a bit to see if the situation will eventually work itself out.
Toddler number 3: Notice it?? You’ve got your back turned to your child and you are too engrossed in the “I’m more tired than you are” conversations that you are having with the other mothers! And if the other child’s mother finds you to inform you that your child is being unkind to their child, you ask them who started it first and explain that “he’s got 2 older siblings, he’s used to having to fight for his rights”!
You’re out and it’s lunch-time and you forgot to bring your toddler’s sandwich with you….
Baby number 1: Go to a café and order a whole grain sandwich with cheese on it and a side of milk or watered down juice. Ask the staff to cut the crusts off and make it into triangles NOT squares. Make sure you give them a piece of fruit or yoghurt when you get home to balance it out.
Baby number 2: But a cheese and bacon bun at a bakery.
Baby number 3: “what was that honey….you want that chocolate doughnut? (shut-up spell check…I’m Australian) And a side of fries followed by a coke?…Sure…..just don’t tell Daddy ok?” Then let them eat it in the pram while you continue to walk around the shopping centre!
Your child says something rude very LOUDLY in a shopping centre…..
Child number 1: Correct them VERY publicly. You don’t want any passers-by thinking you are a bad mother! Make it clear that you are on top of this unacceptable behaviour!
Child number 2: Repeat what they really said with what you’d have preferred them to have said. ie “What was that honey, you’ve finished it?” (Sh*t)
Child number 3: Look around and say: “Does anyone know where this child’s mother is? “ And roll your eyes for effect. Then offer to take them to Centre management so an announcement can be made for the child’s parent to claim their lost child.
And do you know the worst part about all of this…..?
These are all absolutely 100% TRUE scenarios from my own parenting experiences..
Aren’t I just a fab-o mother! LOL!
Ella (child number 1) eating her healthy orange segments and wholewheat sandwiches. Notice the clean bib.
That's right Harley (child number 2) get that gluten laden chinese food into you coeliac belly!
What was that Lucas ? (child number 3) You want chocolate for breakfast?....Sure!
*And just to clear up any confusion :
Here in Australia, we call a crib a cot, a pushchair or buggy a pram or stroller, a pacifier a dummy and a diaper a nappy.)
I was speaking to another mother this morning at school who asked me if I ever wished that my boys looked “more autistic” than they do?
I didn’t react badly because I know her well, and know she has a good heart and I completely understood where she was coming from.
She was basically asking me if I thought that society would be easier on them if they had an “obvious” disability rather than a “hidden” one.
(And one that a huge majority of the general public doesn’t even really believe exists anyway!)
And so I replied “yes”…..because I do think sometimes that it would be easier.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in conversations with people and I have perhaps mentioned one of Harley’s obsessions only to be answered with, “But all kids do that”.
Or “Yeah, I know what you mean, my little Johnny is JUST like that too”.
I feel like answering them with something like “Well, if you child IS exactly like that, maybe you should get them assessed too”.
Let me give an example:
Most little boys liked Thomas the Tank Engine/ Bob the Builder/Elmo, or Buzz Lightyear etc when they were little.
Or maybe they love Ben 10/dinosaurs/rocket ships/trains or space as they get older.
And most little girls go through a Disney Princesses/My Little Pony/Barbie/My Littlest Pet Shop phase that can sometimes last years.
And some little girls have a fascination with faeries, puzzles/painting and animals.
And even if these interests DO last years…..it still doesn’t indicate a spectrum disorder.
It’s perfectly normal for children to like and be taken with these things.
After all…every year, millions of dollars are spent on marketing, research and advertising so that they DO appeal to all children and their target age groups !
But what might be an indication of a special interest perhaps being more of an autistic obsession can be when their love of that particular character/activity/object starts to interfere with their everyday functioning.
Another possible indication is if your child doesn’t actually seem to engage in make-believe play with these toys but spends hours lining them up in groups of colour/size/shape etc etc.
Like for example Harley and his current obsession; Ben 10
It is no longer just a passing interest.
He doesn’t just “like” Ben 10. He is completely and entirely consumed by him.
He told me the other day that he is sure that Ben 10 has aspergers too! (He probably does!)
Harley is refusing point blank to wear anything BUT Ben 10 pyjamas to bed. And after school he changes immediately into either a green tshirt and blue jeans (despite the heat outside) or failing that, another different coloured t-shirt with a Ben 10 character printed on it.
He simply will not let us read any other book to him at bedtime other than one of his collection of Ben 10 books.
He spends (what seems like) every waking moment talking our ears off about all the different aliens and due to his impaired social functioning, he has limited ability to read facial cues and will continue his monolgues about Kevin Levin, Gwen and the omnitrix until I literally want to stab myself in the eyeballs!
He also approaches strangers in the public places and tells them ALL about his favourite alien boy hero!
It doesn’t matter how many times I try to shift his focus, everything comes back to Ben 10!
Homework is a MEGA challenge…
Me: ”OK….What’s 5+7 Harley?”
H: “Mum, do you like the omnitrix or ultimatrix better?”
Me: “Focus Harley…I will answer you after your homework, now what’s 5+7?”
H: (sighs) “OK”… (counts on his fingertips)….”It’s 12 Mum, so which one do you like better?”
Me: “The omnitrix…it’s easier to say. Now how do you spell Lamb?”
H: “But the ultimatrix has more aliens, are you sure you don’t want to change your answer?”
Me: “Harley, we will talk about Ben 10 later…..now spell lamb please”
H: (getting agitated at me then shouts) “L-A-M..…Are you sure Mum”
Me: “Yes I’m sure. Could you please spell lamb again. That was wrong”
H: (really cranky now because he isn’t being allowed to obsess on Ben 10, then shouts at me again) “I SAID L-A-M!” (rolls his eyes)
Me: (trying to keep my cool) “Please don’t yell at Mummy, and no darling, it’s actually spelt L-A-M-B”
H: (rolling his eyes at me) “Well Mum, if you knew then why did you ask me… Derrrr!”
**
I quit.
Seriously.
**
So….if you’re a parent and you tell me that “My child does that” or “all kids do that” the next time I’m telling you about the nightmare I had last night trying to get TWO QUESTIONS ANSWERED….do me a favour and remember this post.
Then ask yourself : Does this interest of my child’s completely absorb them to the point that they are unable to function in any other capacity?
Has it become the ONLY thing they are able to focus on and rendered them completely unable to think/talk or act about anything else?
Does life for everybody in your family come to a complete standstill because nothing can get done until the child’s interest and related questions are acknowledged and dealt with?
If not…..please don’t tell me that “all kids do that”.
Because they don’t.
And it’s time like THIS that I wish that it was a more “obvious” disorder.
Image from Cartoon watcher free wallpaper
Sometimes I can be a little feisty.
Ok, so that was the understatement of the century!
Alright, alright, a LOT of the time …giggle….giggle….
Mr Patient and I often lament that in most marriages, there is usually once peace loving partner and one not so much!
But in ours, we obviously didn’t get that memo in time because we are BOTH a little feisty. And no peace maker willingly resides here.
My dear old Dad used to jokingly say to me that HIS Dad told him that “Anyone can win an argument when they know they are right, but it takes a DAMN good person to win one when they KNOW they are wrong”
And we seem to have taken that literally and put the theory to the test.
Now, before you get the wrong idea about life in this house….let me just say that things are NOT what they used to be.
In fact, things have never been better in that respect. We have acknowledged that fighting and yelling is damaging to our relationship as well as to the children and we are both working really hard on it.
It’s taken a concerted effort on BOTH of our parts to sometimes let the other person off without a blow up.
Now….let me set the scene for yesterday and start by stating that Mr Patient and I spoke at length about this yesterday and I have his 100% permission to blog about this.
He knows exactly what I am writing and has said that he is fine with me blogging it if it helps another family.
Right.
We went to church as a family yesterday and I loved it.
I call myself a “Repressed Sanguine” with a heavy sigh because there’s still a large chunk of me that resents that I am (according to Laura) an NT island in a sea of aspies.
And my sanguine nature really really wanted to stay after church for a coffee and chat with my friends and catch up.
I’m such a people person and I still sometimes think it’s a sick joke that I have a family full of aspies.
But not only would my boys not cope with this…..my big boy especially wouldn’t cope.
The very second that church finished he turned to me and said “I’ll collect the kids from Sunday School and meet you at the car”.
“Right…so I guess I’m not staying for coffee then?“ I snapped and stormed off.
On the way home, I sat in the passenger seat of the car with my back turned to him sulking.
Once we walked back into the house, he innocently asked me when I was going to fold the washing that was piled up and I completely lost it.
I walked around the house for the next few hours slamming doors and stomping around mumbling about how I’m such a slave and how nobody ever helps me and generally just how much my life sucks.
Meanwhile, Mr Patient seemed to have (uncharacteristically) shut down completely and didn’t play along with my childish game.
In fact – He totally ignored my hissy fit altogether! Which of course made me even madder!
God pulled me up on this and reminded me of the notes I had taken in the sermon this morning and told me to go and re-read them.
I did , and I realised that this was bigger than me.
However, it still took quite a while for me to simmer down.
Whilst I was still hopping mad, I wrote an email to my close friend Lisa (who is an adult with aspergers) and told her how hacked off I was and how unfair I thought they all were being to me.
I complained to her that they had all gone into their own selfish little aspie havens and IT WASN’T FAIR!
I was still ticked off that I didn’t get to stay after church and I wanted someone to validate my rage.
She wrote back to me in the level headed way that she always does and threw the possibility out there that maybe just maybe, there was something in the sermon that had challenged him and he was trying to process it and me constantly talking at him and hounding him was not allowing him to fully process what he’d heard.
Um… no.
I thought he was just being a pain in the butt!
I sheepishly admitted that it hadn’t occurred to me that he was possibly trying to filter out all the jumble that had gone on around him and actually process the sermon in his own head and make sense of it.
This conversation brought back memories for Lisa of her childhood growing up in the church and out of it this post of her’s was born 
**
Anyhoo, once I had gotten over my own stupid tantrum, I was able to sit down and have a chat with Mr Patient and work through this once and for all.
His face lit up when I asked him if he was trying to process this morning’s sermon.
He said “Yes, actually I am. There were some excellent points in there that I was trying to apply to our lives”
He was obviously pleased that I now had a better understanding of what was happening to him.
He then said “So….have you finished ranting yet?”
“Um….yes….” I said suddenly embarrassed at my behaviour.
“And I’m really sorry for carrying on like that. Will you forgive me?”
“Of course!” He replied kissing the top of my head.
” I’m really sorry too, and Fi, I wasn’t having a go at you about the washing, I was just delegating something that I’d seen that needed doing so it was one less thing for me to have to think about this morning. Because, once I can see a cleared house, my brain is then able to start to sort through the swirling thoughts and make sense of it all.”
“Oh”. I said genuinely surprised.
**
Because for me , I can process something I’ve heard immediately.
I am able to tune out anything else around me and focus only on what I need to at the time.
This concept he was describing was totally foreign to me?!
I spent the afternoon thinking more and more about this and it occurred to me that I have NO trouble giving grace to my kids when they act or say something irrational because I KNOW they are wired differently to me.
And there are still days where Mr Patient vehemently denies that he could be on the spectrum, and there are people in his life that disagree with me that he is at all, but there are also a lot of days like yesterday where he is willing to own the diagnosis and admit that he fits the criteria perfectly.
Why then do I struggle to give him the same kind of grace I extend to the kids?
Hmmm, I’ll have to think this one through a bit more!
Yeah....he's a keeper!
OK.
So I have a question.
It’s quite a long question so I am writing an entire blog post around it.
Here goes:
Is it just me or am I the only one who finds raising children on the spectrum completely, utterly and entirely exhausting?
I’m part of a few autism forums on the internet and I read a lot of blogs of parents of spectrum kids and I’m forever reading about the wonderful things that these parents are able to achieve!
The fabulous fundraising events they organise, the books they are writing, the advocacy campaigns they are part of and the extra tutoring and home schooling they are doing.
Some of them run marathons in the name of autism or disability and some of them even have a paid job in the field.
I’m hard up just surviving until bedtime just doing everyday life!
So am I doing something wrong?
Or have these other parents tapped into some sort of energy source that I don’t know about?
I’m not trying to be facetious here, I’m actually being quite serious!
Do I maybe need to shift a few priorities around?
Do I need to be better organised?
And how on earth some of them do after school or weekend sporting activities as well is totally beyond me!
So….Is this a numbers game?
I doubt it because I have a friend with 5 kids and another with 6 who also have special needs kids and they seem to cope ok?
Don’t get me wrong…..I’m thrilled for these parents that are going above and beyond and also for the successes and results that they are seeing.
I think they are all awesome and I’m proud to call them friends.
I will continue to cheer them on through thick and thin.
But I’m stuffed if I can figure out how they manage to fit it all in AND raise these “challenging kids” as well?
So, is it just me?
Our bedroom window already has shutters.
This morning we had a shutter salesman in the house.
He was filling in some paperwork for a quote he was giving us for some work we need done, and he asked Mr Patient what he did for a living so he could write it down on his quote sheet.
Next he asked me what I did and without missing a beat, I replied with a straight face “I’m a carer”.
He rolled his eyes and scoffed and said “That’s just a fancy word for a mother isn’t it? You liberated women crack me up” and he chuckled looking to Mr Patient for support.
Mr Patient shook his head at him and looked at me with a huge grin because he knew he had a front row seat for what could have possibly turned into the biggest Mother-goes-ballistic-and-gives-the-tradesman-a-black-eye-and-a-tongue- lashing event of the decade.
I thought he had pushed my buttons deliberately so I chose to shrug off his insensitive comments. I certainly wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten to me.
“No”. I replied with the steadiest voice I could muster.
“My two sons have autism and they need someone who can give them the extra time and care that they require. For me, this is a full-time job and I can’t imagine having to work outside the home on top of this”.
I expected him to feel sheepish by this and apologise.
I was wrong.
He laughed and said (brace yourselves) “Ha! , They look normal to me, they don’t look like there’s anything wrong with them. They don’t need “extra care”.
(As he did the air quotations with his fingers).
I took a deep breath and Mr Patient put his hand around my waist protectively (though I doubt he would have been able to hold me back if I did decide to punch this rude man).
“Well” I said through gritted teeth, “You must be pretty clever being able to tell that from the 30 seconds you have seen them”
” The team of pediatricians and therapists weren’t that quick” I added sarcastically.
“And….what exactly ‘should’ autism look like?….And define normal would you please”?
He shifted his feet uncomfortably and laughed nervously….
“Well…..umm…you see…..” he trailed off uncomfortably.
“Exactly” I answered triumphantly. I had him right where I wanted him.
At this point I left the room and left Mr Patient deal with him.
I’d had enough and wasn’t in the mood for it.
* In case you’re wondering…..no we didn’t give him any business. He was a slime ball who took his original quote down from $4,600 to just $1800 in an attempt to get us to sign up today on the spot.Is this what the general public also think?
Do parents of typical kids think that we blow this “autism thing” all out of proportion just for a dash of sympathy?
Do we all come across as attention grabbing headliners who need to be validated?
Because believe me…..I would swap my children’s autism in a heartbeat if I knew it would make their lives easier and that the general public would be kinder to them and their families.
I love my children and their autism is part of them. And they are amazing just.as.they.are.
Autism is not a personality or design fault. It is not something that makes them defective.
I accept that it’s a difference not “something wrong with them that needs fixing” and if you think that we do blow this all into something bigger than it is….come and live here for a week and see if you still feel the same way.
Rant over.
So as of last night, I lost my rating in the Mother of the Year nominations. 
Why?
Well, I was in the bathroom calming Harley who was mid-meltdown over the “colour” of the toothpaste!!!!
It was mint green not white!
*rolls eyes*
And whilst I was dealing with this “drama”, my 4 year old (Lucas) electrocuted himself!
Well, not exactly electrocuted because he is still alive.
But he did manage to give himself such a big electric shock that the force threw him against the wall and he screamed a gut wrenching noise that I’ve never heard before and never particulary want to hear again!
How?
Simple. His bedside lamp.
He has a night light and a dimmer switch on the bedroom light and the past few nights when I have gone into check on him before I go to bed, he has turned them all on and his room lit up like a carnival!
So I removed the bulb.
Ha! (I thought) that’ll fix him!
But it didn’t occur to me to unplug it from the powerpoint or turn it off!!
And last night, he stuck his little fingers RIGHT INTO IT!
And it zapped him!
Mr Patient was away with work so I had to make an executive on-the-spot decision so I ran his burnt fingers under cold running water for 10 minutes and then put an ice pack on it for an hour or so.
I kept him awake until 9pm so I could “observe” him and when I didn’t notice any problems with him, I assumed that he was fine so I put him to bed.
Of course I had completely removed the lamp from his room by now!
Anyway…..fast forward to this morning when I spoke candidly to a friend at school who is a peadiatric nurse and mentioned to her what had happened last night and how silly I felt.
Her face immediately changed and she told me that she has personally seen cases like that where the child has ended up with the electricity affecting their heart rhythms and she strongly advised me to go and get Lucas’ heart monitored ASAP.
I tried not to panic as I drove to the Medical Clinic ,whilst making up an impromptu social story for him in the car on the way!
As I walked in, my panic turned into annoyance as I noticed the 50 bazillion other people also waiting there to see a Doctor.
(Medical centres are all over the place in Capital cities here, and thanks to Australia’s wonderful Medicare system, they are free and you don’t need an appointment. You can just show up!)
So upon sighting the huge amount of people in the waiting room, I marched straight up to the counter and prepared my “speech” while I waited for the receptionist to serve me.
I told her that my son has autistic disorder and was electocuted last night and because he has limited speech and social deficits, that I was unable to determine the full effect that it had on him.
Her face changed and she marched us straight up to the treatment room past all the waiting hordes and we were seen immediately by a Doctor!!
***
The Doctor was LOVELY!
I was so impressed by his manner.
He has obviously worked with (or has sound knowledge on) kids on the spectrum because he knew EXACTLY how to talk to him!
I am so used to GPs asking my child stupid questions like: “Can you please describe what it felt like when you were zapped”. Or “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Err, no…..did you not hear me when I told you HE’S AUTISTIC!!!
But instead, this Dr gently placed his hand on Lucas’ right arm and asked him “Does this feel tingly?”
And then pressed lightly on his chest and said to him “This is your chest Lucas”
And Lucas giggled and he continued ” Does it hurt when I press on your chest?”
And Lucas replied : “I touched an ouchy lamp!”
The Dr smiled and said “Yes you did…..that was a dangerous thing to do!….We musn’t touch lamps!”
He then let Lucas hold his stethopscope while he blew up a rubber glove, tied it off and drew a face on it and handed it to him telling him that “Upsy Daisy” would take good care of him!
He listened to his heart, took his pulse and placed a monitor on him.
Long story short…….he was given the all-clear and I was given a kind but firm lecture on child safety and advised to go and buy some safety socket plugs!
I am so thankful that it all ended well but well aware of how much more super-vigialnt I now need to be!
So……has anyone else dropped their ranking in the mother nominations in such a grand way?
I’d love to hear your stories 
Is there life after raising young children? What have I got to look forward to?
Yes....I was once a Johnny Rockets girl....but Shhhhh...don't tell anyone!
My sister knew for years before she even finished school what she wanted to do with her life.
She wanted to be a graphic designer. So she went to Uni, got her degree and has been working in that field ever since.
(And can I just say….She’s absolutely amazing)!
But as for me…..I still have no idea what I want to be or do when I grow up!
I try not to waste too much time worrying about things like this, but lately, I have been thinking about what my life will become next year when my baby Lucas starts full-time school.
Most of my friends have some kind of degree that will enable them to re-enter the workforce a little more easily, or a career that they have put on hold to return to, and some can even work from home, but not me.
Nope.
As for vocational dreams, they didn’t and still really don’t exist in my head!
I left home at 18 and moved to the big city. I waitressed in a couple of different places, and worked on checkouts in supermarkets and I was so poor that I survived on bread and water!
I moved back home briefly when I was 21 and then hit the road again only months later- this time heading for a different capital city.
I had another couple of simple jobs , I worked in a catering place, and was a receptionist. It was in this role that I met Mr Patient.
(Yes, it was a workplace romance!)
But I realised recently that I really have had a dream all these years…
For as long as I can remember…..I wanted to be …………..a mother.
Yup, that’s right. So I guess I’m living the dream *rolls eyes*
But that’s my point here.
This is certainly not the dream that I had imagined in my head all these years!
In fact, reality couldn’t be more different!
Because I certainly hadn’t factored in autism!
Back as a clueless teenager, I had pictured myself sitting down cross legged on the floor playing barbie dolls with my daughter and having monster truck rallies with my son while we all chatted and joked with each other.
*Not sitting back and watching the trucks and barbie dolls get arranged and re-arranged and lined up and categorised*
I imagined myself playing make believe with my children and having tea parties and playing pirates.
*Not having to explain to them how to “pretend” to drink the invisible liquid or that it’s not ok to stick the sword down your pants because it feels nice!*
I had ideas about joining the local playgroup and sitting back sipping coffee with the other mothers whilst my child played and interacted peacefully with the other children.
*I hadn’t thought that I would be the mother of the child who played alone in the quietest corner of the centre with all the blocks lined up*
I thought that I would send my kids to the local school and kiss them goodbye every morning as they climbed aboard the school bus , much the same as my mother did with us.
* I didn’t factor in the IEPs, the SN teams I would have to liase with, the volumes of literature that I would need to read so that I could “teach the teachers” about my child.*
I imagined family outings in great detail down to the colour of the picnic rug and the fillings on the sandwiches I would make.
* It didn’t occur that I would live in an autism bubble and decide more often than not that it’s actually easier to stay home than attempt to survive in public with angst ridden kids!*
I dreamt up the perfect husband. Tall dark, handsome, outgoing and musical.
(I actually did marry a handsome man, but he is average height, fair, a little introverted (in public) and tone -deaf!) LOL
So…..basically, my dream and my reality are polar opposites!
But what I’m trying to say is: I now think that life is always going to be full of surprises.
Just like Forest Gump’s mother told him: Life IS like a box of chocolates, You never know what you’re gonna get!
The more time I spend learning about my children, and the more progress I see in them as a result of putting in the hard yards, the more excited I get for their futures and the more fulfilled I feel as their Mum.
But please don’t get me wrong – I think it’s wonderful for those women that are career driven and long to return to the workforce with gusto, those dreams are wonderful for the people that they belong to.
But those dreams were planted in them. Not in me.
I truly believe that it takes ALL types to make a world.
And I think for me personally, I couldn’t care less if I end up working on a checkout in a supermarket again or waiting tables, or cleaning dishes because whatever I end up doing , it won’t feel like a step backwards because I’ll always be a Mum no matter what else I try my hand at.
I now see the true measure of success to be following MY dream, and throwing myself head first into it and giving it everything I’ve got!
And I’m finally at peace with myself now.
I know that I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone.
I have only been given the grace for MY life and no-one else’s.
And that’s AOK with me
Lego NEVER stays together for long in this house.
Over the years, we have spent hundreds of dollars on the stuff but the boys keep pulling them apart.
At first, they played carefully and nicely with it.
And gradually, things start to get broken apart:
New things get built like this “transformer”:
Until finally we have to have a family “working bee” to attempt to put it all back together!
Then finally, I stop fighting the inevitable and throw it all into one giant tub and let ‘em go for it!
So….tell me, does this happen in other houses as well? Or is this unique to the Madhouse?
To my dear precious Ella, Harley and Lucas, 
Mummy is so very sorry.
I’m sorry I lost my temper at you all today.
I’m sorry I made some of you cry.
I wish I had held my tongue more and pulled back on my anger a lot more than I did.
But I want you to know that Mummy is trying really hard to not ever do that again.
Silly Mummy has been forgetting to take her “calm” tablets.
I hate that I have to be on these stinking tablets and I hate that whenever I think I’m coping well enough to stop taking them – life seems to come up and bite me in the butt and I discover the hard way that I’m not yet ready to go it alone.
Ugh!
Since you kids were born, Mummy has had a lot of surgery and a lot of trauma in her life and although God helps me to cope, I still have a lot of emotional grief to wade through.
Also, there has been so much go on in the past week that has caused Mummy to be sad and angry because I hate seeing any one of you hurting or being mistreated.
But that’s no excuse-Mummy still shouldn’t have gotten so mad.
I am now filled with peace and joy because the situation that has been troubling me all week has not only been worked out, but it has had a better outcome than I could have possibly have imagined!
You all know that Mummy is a very emotional person. I have been reading this great book so that I can let God work with me on this.
Thank you all for your cuddles and kisses when I told you I was sorry.
Thank you Ella for cooking dinner for us all and asking me every-2-minutes if I was ok…
Thank you Harley for your t-shirt hem that you used to wipe Mummy’s tears away when she spilled them onto your leg and for your gentle whispered little prayers and back rubs.
And thank you Lucas for offering me your smelly favourite lambie and blankie and for stroking my face.
You are all amazing treasures.
Each and every one of you are heaven-sent blessings.
I can’t believe how fortunate I am to be given the privilege of raising you all and I promise that I will do my very best to input wonderful and important truths into you all.
I will always try my very best to give you all the tools you need to get through life.
One of the most important tools is forgiveness.
Clearly you have all mastered that!
I can’t promise to be perfect. But I can promise to love you all unconditionally and forever.
God will continue to help me to be the best Mum I can be.
And I know that you all know that.
Love,
I thought this morning, that I had nothing to post today.
It turns out that I was wrong again!
We had a VERY eventful day full of laughter, joy and hilarity!
This post is quite long but full of laughs. And there are a few serious bits thrown in for balance!
I just had to share my crazy family with you all
There are a couple of reasons that I’ve decided to blog these events…firstly, because personally, I am more drawn to blogs that tell stories from their own lives than those that are nothing but chock full of facts and statistics.
And a LOT happened in the space of only 2 hours today!
***
Well… we needed to get some things at the shops today so we decided that we would go to the local shopping centre and grab some lunch in the food court while we were there.
We found a table and the boys and I sat down whilst Mr Patient and Ella went to go and purchase the food.
I just happened to be looking at the Subway restaurant in front of us at the exact time that one of the staff accidentally put a plastic bag into one of the ovens.
It blew up! And very dark smoke with a strong chemical smell started billowing out of there at top speed.
I knew it wouldn’t be long before the smell and smoke wafted in our direction and from my experience in working in retail, I knew that once smoke got out – the evacuation alarm would soon start to ring.
I grabbed both the boys and headed for the outside doors hoping to make it out in time.
I caught Mr Patient’s attention (who had just started back to the table with a tray of food) and he grabbed Ella and met me outside.
I was right…within seconds, the alarm started sounding VERY LOUDLY over the P.A. system and people flocked toward us in droves.
I settled my family in an open area away from the crowds and looked around at the other people.
Over to my right, there was a little boy who was about 3 with his Mother, covering his ears, rocking his whole body back and forth on his feet and whimpering in a pained tone.
I looked at him and I thought: “Well, hello, this looks familiar! “
But what alarmed me was when I glanced at his mum-she was absolutely bewildered at his behavior (and more than a little embarrassed) and was unable to pacify her little boy at all.
I walked over to them and smiled sympathetically at the Mum and asked her if she wanted me to try talking to him. She nodded thankfully and said: “Sure, but I don’t understand what the problem is, he always freaks out at loud and sudden noises”.
I crouched down to the little boy’s level and looked at his gorgeous face (he couldn’t eye contact me – but I was a stranger to him, so fair enough) and said: “Hi there little tiger, your mummy said you are a little bit frightened” he nodded and looked at me now to check me out before quickly breaking eye contact and looking away again.
I looked at his Mum and she smiled and nodded so I reached over and put my hand gently on his arm and said “That’s ok, I felt a little but frightened too, but then I found out what made the alarm go off and then I wasn’t scared anymore”.
He looked at me questioningly and I continued. “Do you want to know why there is a loud noise”
He nodded, the tears were subsiding now.
“Well, some silly person put a plastic bag in an oven. And ovens don’t like plastic bags, so it started smoking because it was angry!”
He giggled.
“And the loud alarm is ringing because the smoke and alarm are good friends and the alarm rung up the fireman and they will come here soon and turn it off”.
And then – right on cue, a fire engine sped around the corner and pulled up right in front of us and the fireman in their hazmat outfits climbed out one-by-one.
His mother smiled at me and thanked me and I told her that with MY children, their fears are often allayed if they know why things happen.
She said she’d definitely try to remember that next time a noise scares him.
I wonder what will develop from that??
Anyway, onto the fireman – I turned around and started to walk back to my own family and Mr Patient and I exchanged a knowing look. We were both thinking the same thing
* sigh *
Our eyes both filled with tears as the grief that we thought we had dealt with came and punched us both square in the noses! (Grief has a nasty habit of doing that!)
You see… my late father was a fireman.
He wore the same uniform. He drove the same fire truck, he turned off alarms in shopping centres regularly and he walked proudly past the adoring public as they watched in awe.
Ugh!
Miss you Dad xxx
As we headed back inside, Mr Patient went over to buy us both a cup of coffee at our favourite shop.
He returned with an artificial rose wrapped in cellophane and handed it to me saying that it reminded him of our love.
“What ..Fake?” I enquired…
“NO…everlasting, it will never die!” he said exasperated!
The couple over at the next table that witnessed this exchange started giggling and smiled at us. The kids were in hysterics too.
Ah yes… we are both often the centre of attention!
After we’d finished eating and drinking our coffee, Mr Patient took the boys to the toilet. (Restroom or Bathroom if you’re American)
When they returned, Lucas was in tears and howling loudly. I asked what was wrong and Mr Patient explained that he had neglected to “hold it” (I apologise for the crassness) and as a result, it all flowed straight down his leg and onto the floor soaking his undies,feet and shoes!
Oh dear!
Mr Patient threw the saturated undies into the bin and hastily pulled his (miraculously still dry) shorts up.
Lucas didn’t cope with the feeling and bawled loudly that he wanted new undies.
So we set off in search of a shop to buy some more.
He was so excited when we found a pair with a monkey on them that he ran straight to the check-out.
When it was our turn…the girl behind the counter asked him if they were for him.
“Yes,” he replied. “I wee-ed on my other ones and I don’t have any undies on now ..See” as he dropped his shorts to the floor and flashed the poor girl!
She cracked up laughing and I hastily pulled them back up, handed and the money and walked out whilst lecturing him on the do’s and don’ts of public decency!
We left the shop and I walked over to where Mr Patient was waiting with the other 2 kids and started to relay the story to him and Lucas (right on cue) then gave Daddy a demonstration in front of the rest of the shopping centre!
We were so embarrassed but couldn’t stop laughing all the same!
People were walking past us laughing… it WAS kinda funny
And lastly, we were waiting for Mr Patient to pay for the last thing on our shopping list and I was waiting with the kids out the front of the shop: Harley turns to me with a panicked look on his face and says: “Oh no Mum, I can’t find Teddy..I must have lost him” and his face contorted into a worried frown.
I immediately start to play back in my mind the last few places that we had been and started to get prepared to comb the entire centre looking for the damn bear when Mr Patient walks over and asks what all the fuss is about.
Harley turns to him and says:
“Mum, is looking for teddy because I lost him”
And we exchange oh-my-goodness,-life-is-gonna-get-hard-real-quick-if-we-don’t-find-the-damn-bear looks and start planning who was going to check where, when Harley walks over to a pile of boxes and pulls Teddy out saying….”Gotcha!”
And started giggling at his little joke!
I must say – he did an awesome job of convincing us that he was upset!
Whilst I don’t like my kids lying to me, I had to give it to him. He got me hook line and sinker on that one!
Have a great weekend all xxx
Well, I don’t really have a full blog post in me, but I just really wanted to shout out some more great news!
I mentioned in my last post that Harley has a wonderful new teacher in Mrs D.
I also wrote that he only has her for some of the week. The other part of the week he has Mrs P.
Imagine how excited I was when yesterday I went to have a chat to her after school and she was telling me that she is also reading The out-of-sync child and that she herself has a son with sensory processing disorder!
And then she told me that she understand Harley’s need to move a lot more.
We definitely hit the jackpot here!
One teacher has a special needs child and the other one has a child with SPD!
Now……who says that prayer doesn’t work huh?
Tonight we had “meet the teachers” night at the kids school.
It.was.awesome.
There have been a change of plans and Harley now has a new teacher.
(Actually….he has TWO new teachers )
The teacher that he has had all this past week is going to have the class for some of the week ….she is fantastic. (Harley LOVES her) and for the bigger part of the week he is going to have an amazing woman that he had for only ONE day last year as a casual and she was so fabulous, she inspired me to write this post..
That’s right….I love her so much that I simply HAD to thank her via my blog
I mentioned in that post that I met her for the first time through a mutual friend before I even knew she taught at the school and I knew I loved her the first time I met her.
She is ALWAYS smiling and compassionate and loving to all children.
After the announcement was made and the parents were ‘dismissed’ , she came and gave me a hug and told me that she was concerned how all this was going to affect Harley and promised to make this an unforgettable year for him.
I had tears!
I came home and told Harley and he threw himself all over the house whooping and hollering and happy dancing
And here’s the kicker …… She has a child with a special need herself
I can’t believe how blessed we are. Things are looking up in the Madhouse….
Recently, we went out for coffee and Harley grabbed two sachets of sugar and flapped them saying he was a bird.
It kept him amused for a very long time, he was in his happy place
I seriously love to see him this happy
This is a video of Harley in Lucas this afternoon “getting their energy out”.
Most afternoons are like this but today was a particularly CALM AND QUIET afternoon! They are usually full-on running, jumping, climbing and hollering!
Can other parents please let me know if your kids also do this kind of thing?
I’m trying to work out if it’s a boy thing, an aspie sensory seeking thing or just a normal kid thing.
I (obviously) have no other child behaviour to reference it to.
Most afternoons I get exhausted just LOOKING at them 
What I would give for just a teaspoon of that energy
*sigh*
If you’ve come here today expecting to see a happy, cheerful lighthearted post, leave now. 
Seriously.
You will be disappointed.
***
I’m tired.
We are all tired. Not so much physically but emotionally and mentally.
When you have a child diagnosed with autism, your world changes dramatically.
When you have TWO children with autism, you may as well resign yourself to a bucket load full of heartache.
Nothing will ever be simple again.
Things that should be straightforward are no longer.
Life as you knew it has ended.
I spent some time this afternoon on the phone to my Mum and my pseudo Mum, (Best friend’s Mum) and hung up after both of those calls feeling calm, happy, hopeful and full of healthy anticipation. I was starting to see the brighter side of life.
But then only minutes later – I took another call and received some really really crappy news.
This is separate and on top of the “incident” that we are dealing with for Harley.
Ugh!
It never rains it POURS in the Madhouse!
Right now, I’m over it.
Completely.
One week into the school year and I’ve had enough already.
I want to hang up my hat.
I’ve prayed that God would send me a tip truck full of grace and dump it in my front yard. We need a helluva lot of it right now!
If you think that I’m being a drama queen, that’s your prerogative. = But you can’t say that I didn’t warn you in the first sentence.
**
Excuse me now while I return to my foetal position and repeat the phrase “It’s ok, God is in control” over and over again until I actually start to believe it!
Over and Out.
Yesterday morning, Harley refused to go to the kids group at church and clung to me instead so I relented and let him come into “big church” with us.
He hid underneath the row of chairs for most of the service so he didn’t have to look at anyone and he kept quiet because he was playing with my iPhone.
I downloaded all the photos yesterday and I came across several videos just like this one.
Feet, shoes and more feet!
What an interesting perspective!
(Yes….that was sarcasm!)
Whilst I primarily write about life with our autistic children, it is not all that I am.
Me in my "teen angst" years
Just as autism doesn’t define who my kids are….it also doesn’t define my role as a mother, a wife, a daughter and a friend.
As a teenager I wrote a lot of poetry. Most of it is no longer recorded anywhere as I burnt most of it in a ceremonial bonfire not long after I got married.
The memories that they held were just too painful so I wanted them gone.
Doing this is something that I often remember and regret.
(I bet you didn’t know any of this Mum!)
***
I have discovered a lot about myself since I started blogging.
I am able to work through things a lot quicker and more smoothly when I write out my thoughts, emotions and fears.
Someone asked me today why I blog. I thought about it and this poem just came to me.
*****
I write for the freedom of speaking my mind,
Expressing emotions and thoughts,
Uncovering my feelings – once left behind,
Sharing my story of sorts.
.
I’ve never considered the prospect of being,
A slave to the rules of the pen,
I write as I live and I write what I’m seeing,
The way that it happens and when.
.
I don’t care for lying and making up stuff,
It’s seems like a grand waste of time,
The truths that I share here should be just enough,
As the stories I tell are all mine.
.
To be a known writer is not my real goal,
I just need to write for release,
For when I have written my thoughts I feel whole,
And the worries in my head will then cease.
.
I know that when I start to bottle things up,
My emotions take over and then…
I start to lose focus and fire from the cuff,
So I’m sticking with the therapy of the pen…
.
So……Why do YOU blog??
This poem by my wonderful friend Lisa describes EXACTLY how I’m feeling right now.
She has a real gift for poetry and her softness and gentleness are evident in this beautiful poem.
Enjoy …
