Happy days are here again :)

Image from Google

I GOT MY MEETING!!!!!!

Mind you, it didn’t happen as easily as I had hoped. I had to ring the office after none of my phone calls were being returned and told them that I was on my way to the school and that I was prepared to wait until the person I needed would see me.

As soon as I pulled into the school car park – my mobile rung – it was the office telling me that they had agreed to see me!

It’s funny how being persistent pays off!

Since his teacher has been back again- I have my beautiful little boy back. It makes SUCH a difference to the entire family when he is settled.

In the past I have always hated how this family seemed to revolve around Harley and his current mood but I also see that most of the time, it is just a simple case of him being overwhelmed / out of routine or misunderstood.

He’s been so happy the past few days.
I love to watch him skip up the hallway flailing his arms in an un-coordinated dance and singing “Fly on the wall” in a terribly out of tune voice!

Now that I’ve been heard and feel like I’ve made some progress in the great big scary mess that is Harley’s school life- I have been able to tentatively mend my rose coloured glasses.

Now, I’m praying that things will continue to improve and I can permanently re-attach them to my face

My happy little pilot :)

I refuse to let this drama that’s continuing at school ruin me.

I have a great life and a wonderful husband and children and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this consume all my thoughts and time.

I have set the wheels in motion by preparing the necessary paperwork and organising the necessary meetings with the right people and all I can do now is wait…….

I have done as much as I physically can myself.

So…….onto bigger and brighter things

********

Harley had his book character parade last Friday and he did so well!

My Little Pilot

He went as  (ahem) “A Stealth Bomber Pilot” (as you do!)

He wore a bomber jacket, a hat with ear flaps and goggles (more like an earlier aviator than a modern day stealth pilot but….he didn’t mind!)

And the ear flaps and goggles provided great noise protection and because there were darkened side on the safety goggles that he wore, the crowds were also less daunting!

I didn’t go in the parent parade this year (I actually won that category last year dressed as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz!) So my daughter was pleased that she didn’t have to endure the embarrassment of her mother parading in front of the entire school in a costume! hehehe

It was a great day, there were a few hitches that I might write about another time but Harley enjoyed himself which is the most important thing.

He was especially pleased to have Grandma here for a couple of days so she could be there too and he was thrilled when we took him out of school straight after the parade so we could take him out for lunch.

Too noisy Mum!

The auditorium was very crowded and noisy and poor little Lucas got a bit overwhelmed but I think he also enjoyed his day.

Not in my own words.

I am unable to write a post at the moment because there is complete turmoil in our lives that is all consuming.

There has been some more very major “stuff” happen at school that I cannot go into on

my blog at this point in time, but this time it is bigger and nastier than ever before.

It should all come to a head early this week as I have a meeting that could go either way so please pray for us.

So….instead of using my words, let me show you what is keeping us going right now:

And finally…………..

Thank you to Google Images and The bible for speaking for me when I am too weak

Photography , four year olds and phones :)

This morning, another mother from school and I decided to make the most of

the on-site coffee shop and have a drink and a catch up together.

Lucas happily sat there and devoured everything in his lunch box in half an hour.

There was enough food in there for the entire day!

But he had it ALL eaten by 10 am, however, this is nothing new for him

And after he’d discovered that he had no food left, he needed entertaining and

went in search of something to do.

He found my mobile and  self amused by taking photos with it.

I think some of them are quite good for a 4 yr old!

You can see the beautiful rural setting of the school in the last 2 pics, this is the view out of the coffee shop window

It’s a shame the rest of the place isn’t so peaceful and calming!

Lucas’ photos

Yes....it's coffee....so shoot me!

Prayerfully thankful

Ok……so I spat the dummy, I ate comfort food and I sung the “woe is me” song.

Image from Google

But gradually, throughout this day I have been reminded of the things in my life that are wonderful. The things that are beautiful and the things that are true.

I also remembered some of the phrases that I have heard over the years from various places: church, my parents, friends, relatives, teachers, strangers, and also stuff that I’ve read in books.

I remembered that you never get “through” tough times by going around them or avoiding them completely. You have to actually go through them. I guess the old adage ” Character is built during the hard times of waiting” is more applicable to me now then ever!

I have always loved Joyce Meyer and distinctly remember her saying that as humans, we can either “complain and remain” (meaning staying in the pit) , or “praise and be raised” (meaning that if we focus on the good stuff in our lives and be thankful for what we DO have regardless of how things look, we will be able to rise above them.

It’s all a choice.

So far, I have chosen to moan, to groan, to allow myself to be overwhelmed and to give in to the “it’s too damn hard ” way of thinking.

And that’s ok.

Nobody can possibly be bright, cheerful, positive or “together” all of the time – we are all only human after all.

I just believe that it’s dangerous to allow yourself to “stay” in that place.

I’ve been reminding myself a lot today that our future is NOT determined by our past or our present.

And whilst right now I am sitting in the study hiding from the kids with a tension headache across my brow, and aching shoulders and neck, I know that I will not stay in this frame of mind forever.

I know that things will change. I have started the ball rolling by setting up an appointment with the right people at school and once that discussion has taken place, things will eventually start to change.

Maybe we’ll move, maybe not. Maybe the problem person will change or better still move or resign? Or maybe none of those things will happen.

All I know is that I believe in a good God with a great purpose for our lives…

And for us: ……….

Believing makes waiting more endurable.

Cope schmope!

Last night I lost it.

And I mean LOST IT!

Completely, utterly, entirely and any other superlative that you can think of…….

I sat on the lounge (or rather curled up in the foetal position) sobbing into a cushion, totally overwhelmed by the magnitude of what’s being going on in our lives at the moment.

And I’m sure that anyone that had read my posts yesterday had absolutely no idea just how close to the edge I have been hovering lately.

That’s because I’ve learnt to hide it pretty well.

I know exactly what’s expected of me.

People often say to me “I don’t know how you cope” upon learning that I am raising 2 (possibly 3) children with autism.

And I SO badly want to scream at them “COPE??? I don’t cope – But it’s not like a have a choice do I ???!!!!”

But, society’s unspoken rules find myself smiling stupidly and saying something inane like “Oh well, we all do the best we can with the blessings we have been given” (whilst secretly wanting to “bless” someone else with my “blessings”).

Then I give a little chuckle and move on quickly to the next subject lest someone might actually see through my false smile and notice the woman fiercely treading water in a desperate attempt to stay afloat.

I’m convinced that my current frame of mind can all be attributed to this drama that persists at my children’s school.

I have a wonderful friend in England called Lisa and we regularly communicate via e-mail and lately we’ve branched into video messages.

A couple of days ago, I made her a 15 minute video updating her on the saga that has been ongoing and the problems that we’ve experienced in the past 12 months.

And as I watched it back to check that it was ok to send, I sat there crying.

There has been SO much that has gone on at that school that has been devastating to us and to Harley. And there is SO much more to it than just the debarcle with the casual teacher not being informed about his ASD diagnosis.

I think, hearing it all back at once just brought home how badly we have been treated and how long this has gone on for. It’s easy to forget details when you only focus on “right now”.

And it’s not just with Harley, there has been an ongoing issue with the same staff member firstly with Ella which persisted for 5 years unresolved and now Harley and finally, it appears that we have just been overlooked for Lucas’ Prep interview.

I’m past angry now, I’m actually really really sad.

But not just for myself, I feel for my children who don’t understand things the same way that I do.

I know that a lot of you reading this don’t even know which state I live in in Australia let alone which city, so it’s seems odd that I haven’t elaborated on any of this, but because I do know that there are parents and some teachers at the school that read this blog, I’m forced to write in general terms and be non-specific. I don’t want to give out job titles or names or roles so that no-one can accuse me of slander.

But we have been majorly wronged on several occasions and we are at our absolute wits end.

Personally, I’m tired of fruitless meeting, unfulfilled promises and false hopes being given to us.

The biggest thing that we have constantly had on our minds at the moment is : Yes, we could move schools, move towns etc etc but I’m so afraid that it may end up being a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire.

We’re nervous that we may end up worse off than we are and we don’t want to put the kids through a massive change like that and then live in regret. ESPECIALLY since change is such a big deal to our kids.

So, I guess you could say that it’s a real catch-22.

I rung a close friend the other night and had a big long talk to her and she was absolutely wonderful.

She was aghast at some of the things that I told her and as a teacher herself who has worked with special needs children for years- she was shocked when I went into details.

NONE of these things should have happened, but I realise that I can’t just sit here and dwell on them, I know I need to take action.

I had a chat to one of the facilitators at Lucas’ E.I.group this morning and filled her in (briefly) on the dramas with Harley and she told me that with the obvious delays in Lucas coupled with the lack of understanding and tangible help at the school, that I should look into putting him into a “special” school and not mainstreaming him in 2012 unless big changes are made.

I see her point but there’s still a part of me (my hopeless romantic side) that is holding onto the possibility that things may start to look up soon at school and that it will all be A.O.K.

But if I were to be honest with myself, my rose-coloured glasses are slightly cracking……..

A step further…..

Well, I got on a roll and ended up taking things a step further and created a small 4 page booklet on thick card stock and covered them in clear plastic for Harley to keep in his school bag and give to any teacher that he may have for the first time.

When I showed it to him and read it out aloud, he was SO excited and threw is arms around my neck and said “Thank you SO much, I love you Mummy” and planted a wet one on my cheek.

You can tell from the smile on his face in this photo how grateful he is

Harley reading his "all about me" booklet

Front Page

Second Page

Third Page

Back Page

I am going to print up a whole pile of these and keep them handy ready to laminate if this one gets lost. I’m pleased that this is now done but still cross that it had to come back to me to implement what the head teacher should have already taken care of a long time ago.

I am now going to try and these put into all the teachers pigeon holes instead of just the 10 things list.

Wish me luck!!!

A "ten things" idea.

As I spent time reading the blogs of other parent with autistic children as I usually do every couple of days, I came across this post from Embracing Spirit.

I wrote one of these for Harley quite a while back and it is located on the top right of this page as tab called “Ten things H wants you to know”.

Embracing spirit mentioned in her latest post that she e-mails this list to her child’s teacher at the start of every school year and it really got me thinking…..

Because of all of the drama that we have had with school lately, I’m going to print Harley’s list up, laminate it and give it to a handful of teachers that are involved in teaching Harley regularly.

I’ve also decided to take it into my own hands and give Harley a copy to keep in his school bag and tell him that if he gets a casual teacher then he should hand this list to them at the start of the day.

I’d LOVE the school to approach me if they have a problem with this.

Then I can “tactfully” explain that if they if they did their job properly in the first place, I wouldn’t have a need to take matters into my own hands.

I’m also considering adding a few cute pictures and asking that every teacher in Jnr school (there’s only 10 full timers) have one placed in their pigeon holes in case they should ever come across Harley in the playground.

I know this sounds extreme…but at least I can rest knowing that I have done EVERYTHING in my power to help my child to succeed in the horrible school environment that he detests so much.

Here’s Harley’s list again

10 things H wants you to know.

So how did it go?

Thank you to all my lovely friends who e-mailed me and commented here asking how today went for Harley…..

I’m pleased to report that as a whole- he did brilliantly.

My friend who dropped him home again afterwards told me that he was wonderfully well-behaved and that there were no issues to speak of.

The cynic in me thanked her profusely but secretly wondered how long it would be until the REAL Harley came out now that he was back home in his comfortable environment.

And you know what…….it didn’t really happen!

Sure, there were a few moments when he was obviously a little highly strung, and he didn’t stop talking about the party once.

And that’s not just a casual comment, as any of you with your own special little ASD kids know what I mean when I say :

HE . DIDN’T . STOP . TALKING!!!

I had a blow-by-blow account of everything that he said, everything that the birthday boy said, how much his friend LOVED the Yoshi toy that we bought him, how the play centre was laid out, how many children were at the party, where the toilets were located, what the other kids had to eat, how he didn’t mind that he couldn’t eat the same foods as them, how many times he went on the giant slide, how he now prefers Yoshi to Sonic etc etc etc.

He barely stopped to take a breath for almost FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!

I was SUPER proud of him! He did SO well……all my concerns were un-justified after all.

I made a badge for him to wear on his shirt that stated that he cannot eat gluten and asked that he was not given any food other than what I’d packed and I asked him if any of the adults there read it.

He replied “no”.

But then in the next breath, he told me that a lot of people were looking at his badge but that no-one read it out loud!

I laughed.

I obviously didn’t phrase the question properly!

I was surprised myself how much easier it was only having 2 kids today.  We were out and about for most of the day, ducking into several different shops, stopping for lunch, stopping to buy Mr Patient a coffee then driving 20 minutes to give him his lunch and coffee.

I also managed to vote, (it’s federal election day here in Australia) and did a massive amount of ironing and cleaning.

NONE of this is possible when I have all 3 kids here.

Those days are generally spent with me playing referee to the plethora of arguments that inevitably occur when they’re all together.

And just to clarify : It’s not just because Harley was the child that was taken out of the mix. I find it much easier no matter which child is missing.

It’s the whole three’s a crowd thing. There’s ALWAYS one child left out!

I should have listened to my Dad when he told me that you should never have more children than car windows!

And to my wonderful friend who made all of this possible:

I love you……you are one in a million.

XX

Hip Hooray – it's an easier day!

This morning, I was awoken by Harley stroking my cheek.

This was SO much better than his previous attempts at rousing me by delivering a sharp slap!

So I’m very pleased that he seems to have learnt some appropriate behaviour!

Image from google

Today I’m a little nervous.

Harley has been invited to a child’s birthday party at one of those children’s party places.

Let’s call it “Sensory Nightmare”.

It’s one of those huge climbing gym/party centres. You know…..the ones with a kazillion (it’s a word!) kids running around screaming while their parents hide behind out of date old magazines and drink their revolting instant coffees and pray for the party to hurry up and finish so they can escape stage left!

The ones with the flashing lights, pumping music and bright colours that are brilliant to NT kids but massively overwhelming and frightening to children like Harley with major sensory issues.

But as nervous as I am, Harley is equally excited

I had originally sighed a sigh of relief when I read where this party was being held as I’d assumed that he wouldn’t want to go but when he came to me with a brave face and told me that he really wanted to go with his friends, I relented.

But not without an inner fight!

This meant that I would now have to take Ella and Lucas with me as well because Mr Patient is working on the elections today as an Officer in Charge . He left here at 6am this morning and isn’t expected to be home until well after midnight or whenever all the votes are counted .

The costs involved both financially and emotionally started to overwhelm me.

These places charge and arm and a leg to get in and their strict “no outside food” policy has generally proved in the past to be a nightmare to try and convince the teenage “cheap rate” casual staff members that always seem to be working on weekends.

They are too young to understand the seriousness of Harley eating gluten and are so brainwashed into following the “rules” set by their managers regarding outside food being brought in.

I had resigned myself to the entire day being written off in preparation for the actual party as well as the inevitable aftermath of bringing Harley and Lucas back down again from the over stimulation once we arrived home again.

*sigh*

But here’s where things start to look up.

I have a girlfriend who lives near me whose son is also going to the party.

She OFFERED to take Harley to the party with them and negotiate with the staff FOR ME  re the gluten-free food. She is well aware of his needs and diagnosis and is wonderful at getting through to him when he’s not coping.

And she has now given me the gift of being able to spend an afternoon with my 2 easier kids and have a break from the gorgeous but mostly challenging child that is my Harley.

I’m so excited by this turn around of events and looking forward to my day of peace.

Does it make me a bad Mum for putting my self first and wanting someone else to deal with his issues for the day?

Gluten and Dairy free Banana Bread

I have always loved banana bread but could never get it to taste any good whenever I made it with gluten free flour so I tried a lot of different ideas until I found what works.

Harley takes it to school in place of a sandwich because- lets face it, gluten-free bread is horrible!

And here it is:

Preheat oven to 170 degrees celsius (350 degrees F)

Grease 2 loaf pans

INGREDIENTS

3 very ripe bananas mashed      

1 cup chopped pecans (I ground them in a herb mill so they came out looking like almond meal because my kids hate the texture of the nuts.

1 ½ cups sugar

1 ½ teaspoons gluten free baking powder

2 teaspoons vanilla essence

½  teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon bicarb soda

4 eggs

375g box of rice flour

½ cup vegetable oil.

Mix all the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl and make a well in the centre.

Lightly beat the eggs and pour them into the well.

Carefully stir this all together until mixture is wet and then add the oil and mashed banana mixing it through.

Once all the ingredients are moistened, beat with an electric mixer on slow for about 1-2 minutes.

Pour mixture evenly into the 2 pans and cook for 40 minutes or 30 minutes if making muffins.

This is yummy straight from the oven with butter or can be reheated in a toaster just like regular bread .

It must be eaten within 2 days or stored in the freezer as it contains no preservatives.

Waiting in the car

On Thursdays, Harley has his aspergers social skills group straight after school.

I usually take Ella and Lucas somewhere for a snack and walk around the shopping centre to fill in the hour.

This week , I was too tired and to go anywhere so I packed some books, snacks and their Nintendos ,

plus a few games and decided that we would stay in the car in the car park  and just chill.

Lucas LOVED it. I took him out of his car seat and he was free to climb and

explore the inside of the car. ( I know – cheap entertainment!)

After a little while, I laid back my seat and decided to rest a bit.

Lucas and I were mucking around (nothing new there!) and I took these photos.

They aren’t professional by any standard but they are a moment in time and I have

really been challenged lately to enjoy EVERY moment.

There will possibly be a day in the future when he feels that he

is too big to want to muck around with his mum anymore.

So I thought I’d share THIS moment

Take a deep breath and count to 100

I wish I was one of those people that didn’t care what others thought of me.

I would love to have the kind of attitude that isn’t bothered by what other people say.

And I also wish that I was one of those people that are unable to eat anything when they’re stressed and end up losing heaps of weight.

That is SO not me!

Nope, I stuff my face with whatever I feel like in the hope that I can forget about what’s troubling me and then end up more depressed because of the weight that I have gained. *sigh*

But that’s a whole other post that’s probably never going to be published for fear of scaring you all off! LOL

I gave in this morning.

I was SO weak.

I caved under pressure and had coffee.

Yeah, I know. BAD IDEA!!

Especially after all the hard work I had put in.

Oh, well……must forgive myself and move on.

Once again we are having BIG problems with Harley and school. I mentioned briefly in yesterday’s post that his teacher has been away quite sick for over a week now.

And I also mentioned that he had a bad afternoon yesterday after having a shocker of a day with the casual teacher. And now I know why.

Once we were in the school gates this morning, he threw himself onto the concrete and started screaming.

LOUDLY!

And the tears were spouting from his face and he clung to my leg begging me to take him home again. Thankfully my good friend Carrie (who has 2 ASD children herself) saw the whole thing and came over to see if she could help in any way.

Nope. He knows her too well now. She is just another person to let his guard down in front of! The closer that we walked to the assembly lines where all the other kids were by now, the further in the opposite direction he would run! It clearly wasn’t working!

We had to resort to calling the integration aide that he LOVES called *Sarah and she managed to convince him to at least walk down to the classroom because she promised to stay for the first period with him.

Whilst *Sarah was there, she spoke to the casual teacher that he had yesterday (and apparently will have until his real teacher returns).

Sarah told me that she asked the casual teacher if she knew that Harley has ASD?  She said that the teacher’s face had a look of relief as she replied “No, I didn’t know but that explains SO MUCH!”

(I was fuming then. How on earth can a major detail like informing the casual teacher that she has a child with ASD in her class totally go un-mentioned?)

But I did find out that this casual teacher is special needs trained so I’m sure that the little boy I collect this afternoon will be a much happier one than yesterday!

The other thing that really bugged me was that Harley had told me last night that the sport teacher had gotten him into trouble in front of the rest of the class because he didn’t do the dance steps properly that  the class were all learning.

The very same sport teacher that wrote on Harley’s report last term that he “needs to join some team sports to develop his non-existent social skills”

Um, yes, I know he struggles socially.

But that’s because ………………HE HAS ASPERGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, emotional outburst there. *sigh*

Frankly, I’m disgusted to learn that neither his regular sports teacher OR the casual teachers that he has been having have been made aware of the fact that he has ASD.

No, he just keeps getting in trouble for not being like all the “other” kids.

As if it isn’t hard enough for him already!?

And yes. I know that I need to have a meeting / make some phone calls / write a letter etc to the people in higher places to ensure that this doesn’t happen again.

But with the changes to the “rules” on parents interaction with teachers (ie: we are not allowed into the playground before school anymore), it makes it kinda hard.

Still, I will keep fighting for him. And fighting, and fighting until we get the results we need.

Coffee finished,

Tears dried,

Head up, shoulders back,

Rant over.

The fish live in the POND!

Is it bad that I sat in the living room with a big smile and giggled as I listened to Harley’s bad temper as he snapped at his tutor in his cranky voice?

Seriously, I know I shouldn’t laugh, but I could see his back as I watched him slouched over his work in the determined pose that I know all too well!

Every time *Corinne would ask him to try another time whenever he missed a spelling word he would turn to her and growl!

She looked over at me and winked. This is nothing she hasn’t seen before. Her Aunty is the lady that runs his Thursday social group and she has an aspergian cousin who has also been known to display a little of the old “ho-hum” attitude!

She is also a recent teaching graduate and LOVES kids. She has a special place for Harley too.

And thank goodness for all of that! Most people would be turned away by his mood swings.

He has advanced SO much with his reading and spelling since *Corinne started coming.

At one stage, she asked him to read the following sentence out loud. So he rolled his eyes and shouted in her face “YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT THE FISH LIVES IN THE POND, WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP READING IT FOR YOU”

She laughed out loud and so did I!

I understand that this is a little too close to bratty behaviour for some people’s liking. But come and live in OUR house and walk a while in my shoes and you’ll learn pretty quickly to choose your battles.

This week has been unsettling for him. His class room  teacher has been away since last Wednesday with a serious virus in her eyes that has left her unable to see so he has had different casual teachers every day. That’s NEVER good for a child who craves routine.

Also, *Corinne came an hour earlier than usual which threw his routine so there were a lot of factors that contributed to his “bad mood” so we gave him some grace.

I’m so thankful that I have these “extra” people in our lives to help make managing him a little easier. And ones who know what’s worth clamping down on and what’s best skimmed over for now.

I spoke to him after dinner and told him that he was rude to *Corinne and he was genuinely surprised by this revelation. He said that she was frustrating his brain!

Harley at about 2 yrs with his "cranky face"

Ah, you’ve gotta laugh

And around lunch time, I received a text message from his O.T. telling me that she is putting the wheels in motion for some OT respite for Harley so that I can have a break.

She is SO awesome!

Things are looking up

Noisy supermarket

This morning, I was quite surprised to see workmen using a jack hammer INSIDE the supermarket!

They were repairing something in the floor. Maybe a broken pipe or a leak – I’m not really sure!

Lucas was really fascinated by the barriers, the jack hammer,

the pile of rubble and the workmen with their helmets and flouro vests.

But it’s the first time that I have ever witnessed Lucas react negatively to noise!

Harley on the other hand has had issues with sensitivity to sounds his entire life ,

and we keep earphones in his school bag and in the car at all times but usually, Lucas is the one MAKING all the noise! LOL

I simply HAD to snap a picture of him covering his ears. HE LOOKED SO CUTE!

TOO NOISY MUMMY!!

I had to improvise by  stuffing some tissues in his ears and then wrapping the woollen

scarf that I was wearing around his head! He looked so funny that I just had to share this pic.

SO, do you like my turban?

Ah, that’s my boy

Things that I have learned.

Let me start by saying that most of the time, I choose to be an optimist. Notice I wrote “choose”, it doesn’t always come easily!

But I believe that most of the people who God put on this earth are basically good.

Sure, there are exceptions to that rule and I know that there are also a lot of bad eggs out there – I’m not THAT naive, but there is  good in almost everybody, sometimes it just takes a lot of effort to draw it out!

Having said that: It never ceases to amaze me how two different people can react to exactly the same information.

For example. Recently, I was in the Chemist waiting for a prescription that I had put in and was just standing near the register watching Lucas put all the chocolate bars and throat lozenges that were on display back into the lines that they once were. Obviously they had been messed up by other customers or children.Yes – I know VERY aspie!

It was no big deal but I saw the lady on the counter smiling at him. I could see that he did look quite cute with his floppy messed up bed hair and Elmo t-shirt!

She looked at him and said “Hello little man!”

He ignored her.

She tried again “Hello little man- are you having fun?”

Still no answer , he happily continued rearranging the goods.

I toyed with explaining his diagnosis to her and considered telling him to answer the nice lady but wasn’t sure which was the best option.

In the past when Harley was first diagnosed – I readily and eagerly told ANYONE that was willing to listen that he has Aspergers in the vain hope that my parenting skills would no longer be under scrutiny. I wrongly believed that my son needed this intervention from me.

But as time went on and Lucas got diagnosed, I flip-flopped to telling NO-ONE in fear that nobody would believe me. I mean…..TWO children with AS? What are the odds?

(yes, I’m giggling at THAT one too).

Eventually I got to the point where I am now. I tell SOME people but only if I feel its necessary and the rest, I ignore and avoid or simply realise that if they are going to be judgemental, I probably wouldn’t change their minds anyway so I say nothing.

But back to the lady in the Chemist. When she looked at me for some sort of explanation as to why my son kept ignoring her, and she then asked me if he was deaf!  I told her that he has autism.

She immediately came around the front of the counter and crouched down to his level and after I suggested that she lightly touch his arm to get his attention, she tried again.

“Hello little man, how old are you?”

Lucas replied “Good thanks!”

I laughed and so did she. She kept chatting with him and I and I told her that I have an older son also with aspergers and I suspect that my daughter also has aswell.

She was very interested and asked me LOTS of questions that I was more than happy to answer.

After a few minutes, my name was called and I walked up to collect the prescription and as I approached the front counter to pay for it, Lucas ran in front of me and darted in front of an elderly lady to go back to straightening the chocolate bars. This was his little project after all!

The lady glared at me and I apologised saying that Lucas has autism and is a little bit hasty sometimes. I made him say sorry to her and explained to him that it’s dangerous to run in front of other people and then I turned around to see this lady rolling her eyes at her partner while he shook his head at me.

He muttered something about mothers not controlling their children these days and shuffled on his way to the cashier.

I patiently waited behind them in line and the lovely lady behind the counter smiled at me and congratulated me on being so controlled. I smiled back and told her that it takes all types of people to make a world and unfortunately, there are some people who refuse to see anything other than what they want to see.

I thanked her for being so sweet and went on my way skipping alongside a perfectly oblivious Lucas sucking happily on the lollipop that they nice lady gave him.

Helping your child to fit in.

In a very interesting turn of events……the lady that I had a “discussion” with in this post, came up to me yesterday at Lucas’ E.I. group and handed me a book that she thought I might like.

It is  a book written by aspergian John Elder Robison called: Look me in the eye.

So far I have been virtually unable to put it down. It is SO interesting and gives a wonderful insight into how his mind works.

The fact that this lady handed it to me was (I think) her way of apologising for attacking me previously.

Never mind the fact that when she handed it to me she said “I think you really should read this so you can learn what  aspergers really is”.

Then she followed with : “But make sure you bring it back to me next week, I’m only allowing you to have it for 7 days , if you don’t finish it in that time, that’s too bad ok”

I smiled politely and thanked her although I was laughing hysterically on the inside at her own apparent lack of tact or social skills. But not laughing at her ,but in recognition of her mannerisms and tone

I have only read the first few chapters, but so far – the thing that stuck out the most to me was when he explained HOW he figured out social rules and what’s required to have a two way conversation.

He interestingly enough pointed out that the adults in his life had kept him from figuring this out sooner. Because whatever he was thinking about at the time would be what the answer was that he gave. And it was usually nothing to do with what the other child was talking about at the time.

Children would respond to his seemingly selfish answer by either walking away from him or saying something nasty or getting angry with him, whereas the adults in his life. wouldn’t tell him if his response made no sense- they would simply play along and keep the conversation going regardless.

He wrote that because the grown ups in his life just simply adapted to his ways and didn’t get mad or frustrated with him (like kids would) he didn’t realise that he needed to change.

He also noticed that normal kids learnt all of these unwritten rules by intuitively reading the others children’s facial cues and body language. He only noticed these things when they were in extremes and often by then it was too late.

W-O-W!

Just from that one small paragraph, I learnt that I am actually not doing my kids any favours by being “polite” and keeping the conversation going smoothly.

And when I by-pass their obvious errors or nonsensical answers, I am not teaching them the skills that they require to function in today’s society!

I also learned that I need to model for them what is expected of them in social situations.

I realised that I can actually help them to fit in and avoid some rejections!

Awesome!

Not so special after all!

Does anyone else read back over some of their old blog posts or remember conversations they may have had with someone recently and think: “Well, I’m nothing but a big fat hypocrite”!

I had one of those moments this morning.

Before school today, I published a post that I had in my drafts folder about living in the moment and cherishing  your children ‘right now’.

Well, let me tell you about MY DAY!

I found myself wanting to do anything BUT cherish my kids!

We were actually ON TIME getting ready for school this morning and I hadn’t had the need to yell at the kids or hurry them in any way like I usually have to.

Ella and Harley made their own beds without being asked, Lucas tried to dress himself and they all packed their lunches into their respective bags.

I witnessed Ella doing up Harley’s shoelaces for him and saw Harley turn the bathroom tap on for Lucas to wash his hands. (awwww)

I was smiling to myself and feeling all warm and gooey and told myself that this was all because I am such an awesome-ly organised and routine-d Mum.

I decided that this was one of those moments when you just want to shout it out to the world how happy you are and how far you have all come so I published the damn post!

I then took myself off to have my shower and bask in the smugness of success that I was experiencing.

Of course I hadn’t even turned on the tap before I heard screaming. I grabbed my robe and went to investigate.

The sight in front of me almost brought me to tears and totally shattered all my illusions of happy, helpful children!

Ella was standing there with the front of her hair soaking wet, her school blouse completely saturated and the hem of her kilt (that I had spent AGES ironing the pleats into last night) was dripping all over the carpet.

I marched into the bathroom to confront Harley and was immediately overwhelmed by the floral perfume-y overpowering scent that met me.

He was sobbing and rocking in the corner.

Hmmmmmm. I have to admit that it took me a few minutes to get my head around the whole situation before I could even start asking questions. We were due to leave in only ten minutes.

The story that I finally got was that Harley had used the toothpaste before Ella and had left a bit of it around the spout of the tube and then closed it again causing a nice toothpaste-y mess that Ella didn’t like……..so she sprayed him ALL OVER with Impulse (which is a teenager type body spray/deodorant). And it stinks. BAD.

Harley already has sensory issues and even I who am not particularly sensitive wasn’t coping with the overpowering stench.

So how did Harley retaliate?

First he filled his mouth with water and spat whale-style all over her face. Then after realising that it didn’t make too much of an impact – he decided to fill the cup up again and dump the entire thing over her head and chest.

This was when the screaming started.

So……I didn’t get a shower before school. I had to pull on some clothes quickly, attack Ella’s clothes with a hairdryer (BIGGEST waste of time let me tell you!)

Then I had to throw Lucas in the car still in his pyjamas and lecture the kids all the way to school about being kind to each other. Meanwhile Harley is still howling because he “smells like a girl” and Lucas went into no-cope mode because he had nothing on his feet.

I thought about the “Enjoying the moment” post I’d uploaded this morning and laughed to myself.

Because laughing was pretty much the only thing I could do. There was absolutely no way I wanted to bask in and enjoy THIS moment!!!

I’ll start making the most of the moment TOMORROW…..I promise!

See how long ago this started? Ella is carefully 'placing' her un-eaten spaghetti all over her sleeping brother's head. Hmmmm.

Enjoying the moment

I have been challenged lately to not be so doom and gloom about all the difficult things that are going on in our lives currently.

I received Lucas’ speech assessment report on Friday and it has had me in tears for most of the weekend.

I realised that I must have had my blinkers on because I truly didn’t think he was THAT delayed. Sure, I knew there were problems, but the report showed me things that I hadn’t even thought about and brought home just how far he really has to go.

It was completely overwhelming.

I had always convinced myself that he would be “fine” and everything would just fall into place regarding his Prep placement for next year but it seems that maybe that’s not as likely as I first thought.

Anyway…….

Right now, my favourite singer is Steven Curtis Chapman.

I have loved him since I was a teenager but my beautiful sister gave me his latest album for my birthday and I’ve been listening to it non-stop since then.

There is a song that I keep putting on repeat as I love the lyrics SO much.

It’s called “Miracle of the moment” .

The lyrics remind me just how important it is to  stop worrying about the future and things that I can never really change and to be sure to enjoy the moment that I am in RIGHT NOW!

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now

And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out

Listen to your heartbeat

There’s a wonder in the here and now

It’s right there in front of you

And I don’t want you to miss

The miracle of the moment

And so, I have decided to just realise that I can’t change everything.

I’m going to make a conscious effort to not allow myself to get so caught up in what’s out of my depth, and just enjoy and love my kids right now, exactly as they are because it won’t be long until they’re all grown and left home……..

And that is quite a sobering thought for me!

For My Ella

I had it suggested to me that I should write a poem for my other 2 children as well.
So here’s Ella’s…..

You are my firstborn daughter and
you’re who made me a Mum,
I’d had no clue what true joy was,
and the volumes yet to come!

You are so very smart and brave,
there’s nothing you won’t try,
you’re first to offer up yourself,
and last to question why

I watch you as you socialise
and how you play with friends,
the scripting and the mimicking,
your perseverance never ends

I see you ape the other girls,
I know you want to fit,
and it makes me really angry when
I see them laugh and tit

I love your sense of humour and,
adore your need to serve,
you’re such a gorgeous daughter
so much more than we deserve

I hope you know how loved you are,
though often feel neglected,
The boys take up so much of our time,
But please know you’re never rejected!

Love you princess………. XX MUMMY XX