That was the first thing that I said this morning…..right after “Good morning, Lord, Thank you for my wonderful family”
Who was I kidding?!………..
I walked out of my bedroom to find my daughter sitting at the breakfast table staring absently into space with a spoon hanging from her hand, my middle child walking around in circles holding his lego and talking to it and my youngest lining up all the boxes that were in the recycling bin into size order….hmmmmmm.
Arranging the recycling
I suppose I was kidding myself. Autism is a neurological disorder – not something that they will magically grow out of or be cured of.
Having said that – I DO believe that it’s God’s will to heal and that it is more than possible for him to completely deliver my children from autism but I also realise that this is my reality now and I can’t stick my head in the sand and refuse to admit that it’s there.
And it’s VERY there. Especially on days like today.
My middle son H (who I refer to in most of my blogs as he is the one who seems affected the most- he has more sensory, behaviour and social issues than the other two).
As I was saying- my middle son H started this morning ok. Apart from the introverted little lego game he was playing by himself- he wasn’t upsetting anyone and nothing was upsetting him. That is…….until it came time to leave for school. It’s like the reality just hit him that staying home in his own little “safe” world wasn’t an option.
It started in the car. He was whimpering because he forgot his teddy bear.
Then the radio was too loud,
Then his brother was humming and that drove him nuts. Then he dropped his lego man on the floor and it went under the seat. And lastly because we had to stop at a red light and the sun was streaming in the window in his eyes- he was tipped over the edge,
And finally as we pulled up to school, the whimpering had turned into full blown kicking, screaming, punching, rocking, head banging and tears were streaming down his little face.
I couldn’t get him to climb out of the car so I had to physically pick him up and carry him into school. All the while he was still in complete meltdown mode.
He clung to me like a leech and begged me not to leave him. I couldn’t get him to go and line up once the bell had gone so I had no other alternative but to take him down to “the cottage”.
The cottage is a wonderful understanding place. It is where the special needs teachers work and where the special needs kids are allowed to go anytime for any reason. It is on the school property but right down the bottom near the oval. A real “escape” for the kids. I turned up on the doorstep this morning with both me and H in tears. I was given a huge hug and a cup of tea was made for me immediately.
H sat happily at a desk drawing and he was a calm, quiet happy little boy again.
He is so overwhelmed by the amount of kids running around in the playground in the morning, the noise is deafening to him and the expectations on him to act “normal” are all too much.
I endured the stares of other mothers and children who don’t “get” it as I carried him screaming and kicking down to the cottage and realised something profound.
I realised that I am the absolute BEST mother for this precious little boy. He knows that I speak his language and can translate the foreign for him – of course he doesn’t want me to leave! The special needs teachers are remarkable. Not only are they bi-lingual, they are understanding, caring, and extremely passionate about our kids and their parents.
I read this wonderful article yesterday written by an ASD mum in America outlining the talk she gave to her son’s class explaining why he is so attached to her. It’s really worth a look!
In fact she answers a huge amount of questions for the class but it’s a lot of reading so start with this article as it relates directly to my blog.
She has named it : Konnichiwa.